I Feel Peaceful Inside

photo cred: copyright © 2014 Wendy L. White 

Psalm 131:2 I’ve kept my feet on the ground,

    I’ve cultivated a quiet heart.

Like a baby content in its mother’s arms,

    my soul is a baby content.

I Feel Peaceful Inside

Those that have never made the journey into chronic pain

are helpless to understand how it sucks you into it’s dark and malevolent current

the physical form weak and alone and completely undone

powerless to stay afloat, gasping for air, overcome by it's brutal waves

i find myself floundering in the chaos of it’s stormy waters

exhausted from the never ending onslaught 

I reach out to grasp hold on to the flotsam of people 

no matter how hard I try to will my body

it denies my requests to be lofty and strong

like a paddle without the safety of a boat

mustering all my self will is useless

some never make it out of the maelstrom of pain 

it’s power and coldness take their breath away

it suffocates the fire within

they lose hope... 

My prayers or maybe the prayers of my grandmother

have kept me from drowning 

without prayer's break of clouds to give me hope, 

I too would be lost  

because pain leaves us all feeling forsaken, 

forgotten and unloved

the pain has brought me to the point of letting go of everything 
but Him

The pain is real 

but I’m no longer contained by it’s grasp

As I cry out, I am found 

and held safely by His love

Pain isn’t forever

Yes, it still comes

but joy always comes in the morning

I cling to the strength of His love

 in the weakness of my personal pain

knowing the tears will still come 

unbidden and flow like rivers freely

but they are not tears without hope

They are captured in a bottle 

like a letter written to His heart

my heart, now hopeful, 

looks on the horizon for His rescue 

because it will surely come

I don’t question His faithful love for me anymore

Pain has brought an immovable depth to me, 

a purity to the waters of my heart

He builds something strong and steady for me to sail on

 into these unchartered waters

His strength my rudder of hope 

through the choppy waves of pain

He guides me with the light of His stars

Pain will never destroy His unconditional love for me

Like a mother with her child in her arms

the beauty of the birth

 is worth the pain of labor

the depth of His love never being known

 without the pain of it

I feel peaceful inside.

~Jennifer Weiss