It was my first day back on call in my reserve month and I was hoping and praying to be released. I was bummed when I saw the trip pop up on my schedule. I wanted to spend New Years Day with my bare feet propped up on my husband’s lap while watching a movie. Instead I would be forced to bathe and wear heels along with the dreaded pantyhose.
:( #uggggh
I was tempted to be disappointed. I looked carefully at the trip. It was so easy. A turn from DFW to Mexico. I would be back by evening. So I put on my happy hose and decided to be grateful instead of hateful. My sweet hubby knew I wasn’t thrilled to be leaving. He prayed for me, packed my breakfast and lunch for the trip and took me to the airport.
#loved
I settled into the back row of the aircraft before boarding with my breakfast and turned on some worship music. I prayed for my trip and peace over the airplane.
#atmospherechanger
My fellow flight attendant who was working in the back galley came on late. He was sweating bullets so he grabbed a paper towel out of the lav and wiped the beads from his forehead and plump cheeks. I’ll call him Christian because he reminds me of Christian Cuevas from the most recent Voice.
Most guys I work with are gay so I was surprised when he said his tardiness was because his wife had morning sickness.
Our conversation went along these lines:
He found out the week of Christmas they were pregnant with their first child. He didn’t believe he could have kids because he and his first wife tried for 4 years so he felt like this child was a true “miracle.”
I love to pray for babies… I’m in no way bragging but God has gifted me with an anointing for this because of my two abortions. I know that doesn’t make sense to people but it is truly His grace. His crazy love. Christian was throwing the miracle word out there so I asked if I could pray for his baby.
He said, “Yeah. That would be great. I think my Mom is on her knees praying right now.” I prayed for protection and that the baby would be hidden under the shadow of God’s wing.
Well, imagine my surprise, after he so readily accepted the prayers of both myself and made mention of his mother’s, when he said he was at times agnostic but mostly an atheist. He believed in science and the universe. I was like SAY WHA? God created that… You believe in the creation but not the creator? A little flummoxed I kept my thoughts to myself and said, “Well, thank you for sharing that. I’m glad you feel comfortable enough to be real and honest with me.” and I meant it.
The flight was a little bumpy so we stayed seated for a bit. I said some silent prayers. Most flight attendants call what occurred next a “jumpseat confession.” It’s true. People seriously tell you all kinds of crazy stories and confess their deepest darkest secrets on the jumpseat. The people you are flying with you will more than likely never see again. It’s a safe place to get it all out.
Christian grew up in a “cult” (his words). The church he attended followed the letter of the law. His mom didn’t wear make up, jewelry or pants. They didn’t celebrate Christmas because it had become too commercialized and they believed Jesus was born in the summer. His denomination believed they alone were the Bride because they didn’t indulge in any sort of worldy sin. Other people that believed in Jesus but who sinned (like me) may get into a lower level of heaven (so relieved
;) As for the rest, those who didn’t believe…welp, according to the church’s leader they were going to H-E double hockey sticks
:-/ #hellfireandbrimstone
The leader they followed was a self appointed apostle of god and he spoke the infallible truth. How can you argue with that? “God says….” and back it up with scripture in some round about way. If you argue or don’t believe then you are rebellious. He preached extreme accountability…not necessarily to God but to him.
The church controlled his family’s life.
The leader had the password to all member’s bank accounts. If and when he saw fit, he could verify you were giving your standard 10%. If church members went to a movie or were caught doing anything “worldly” they would be rebuked and many were ostracized from the congregation for falling out of line with their idea of “holiness” rather than looking to God for it.
They told him Christian could only marry someone if they approved. There was a mandatory 3 step courtship process that the church was very involved in. No hand holding or one-on-one dates. Not surprisingly the girl they chose for him was within their church.
He was a virgin when he married at 19, he’d never tasted a drop of alcohol, never cussed and had kept himself pure in every way he knew how. His wife ended up leaving him and the church. She cheated on him multiple times and went into the “adult industry.”
As he walked through his divorce with the church, they told him his only option was to remain single. He could get a divorce but never remarry anyone else. His only hope was through prayer that his ex-spouse would come to her senses and return to him some day. So he prayed and he waited for her.
He continued to attend church but was starting to notice things that didn’t line up. He was weary of the overly controlling ways by twisting the scriptures and that he was sentenced to this entire life alone unless he accepted someone back who had never truly loved him and betrayed him.
The “apostle” and leader of the church became very ill but he preached, not to worry, that he would be healed and/or raised up in the body of an 18 year old young man. The church he attended believed in miraculous healing and Christian had even witnessed it for himself with a blind child’s sight being restored. Still, Christian decided if the man died then everything he believed about God was hogwash.
Well, the leader wasn’t healed and no 18 year old dude showed up to the pulpit claiming to be reincarnated…so Christian was done. He wanted out. He had done everything the right way to the letter of the law and his life was over if he stayed. He left the church with his family initially disowning him. He did some intense counseling, was somewhat reconciled with his family, and remarried 2 years before our airplane ride. His wife was spiritual but didn’t necessarily believe in one god more in energies and light.
He told me matter of factly, “For me, I believe in science and astronomy. Things that are provable rather than made up. I’ve read the bible and I dedicated myself to it. I probably know the Word better than most pastors. There’s so much more out there and religious people can’t admit that you don’t have all the answers. Admit it.” He looked at me, “You don’t know. You don’t have all the answers.”
I responded:
“You’re right. I don’t have all of the answers. There are questions I have when I meet my Maker. There are many things I don’t understand.”
He said, “If you could just believe in something bigger than God that was based on facts! Earth is just this tiny spec in space. Space has been here for billions of years and there’s more to it. Science is where it’s at. I’m telling you.” He talked about how the universe was its’ own thing and I listened not out of agreement but respect. He said, “You really need to think about this.”
I had no answer for many of the things he brought up with science that in his mind refuted the validity of the bible. Christians like to be the only one’s sharing their reality and views but we don’t know how to listen. We say things without asking the Holy Spirit first so I’ve learned to zip it unless God creates the opportunity. It would have been lovely for God to give me something profound to say…Maybe God should have made me some practiced apologist who could argue for their faith but that’s not me and I didn’t have any smooth debate techniques to come back and “win” our conversation….Besides, if I try to reach someone by “winning” that means they have to lose. If I try to argue with their mind, nothing I say ever reaches their heart. I don’t feel pressure to be “right” or convert anyone. God is MORE than capable of proving himself if He chooses.
Arguing and pushing my beliefs doesn’t feel like the Father’s heart to me. I don’t want to argue with anyone about God. Can you see God saying, “Yeah and tell Christian this! I’m right and he’s wrong and this is why.” No, the Father’s heart sounds to me something like, “I know you’ve been hurt by those who claimed to represent me. I miss you. I love you. We can work through this if you will give our relationship another try.”
I listened and finally did respond to him with my thoughts since he was obviously trying to convert me to his way of thinking. “See what you are talking about takes more faith for me than believing in God. For me, science is us trying to explain God which we can’t. Believing that we all got here by some accident. It doesn’t in any way make sense to me. The rules of gravity, the laws of universe. They point to an Engineer. A Creator. Someone had to set it up.”
A passenger rang their call light
#savedbythebell so I excused myself. When I got back he immediately apologized, “I’m sorry. I was pushing my science on you and my beliefs. My parents are still very much part of the church and my Dad is an elder. We’ve come to an agreement that I won’t push them and they won’t push me so I can’t believe I did that. I just flew with another flight attendant. She was a Christian and she drove me crazy. She used every hour of the 3 day trip to try to show me how wrong I was and how right she was. I have these conversations all the time with people and I’m usually not pushy so please forgive me.”
I responded, “Of course. You are not being pushy. I’m all in with God. There’s no turning back for me. There came a point where I pushed all my chips into the center of the table. He’s mine and I am His so please don’t worry about being pushy with me. I’m just glad you feel safe enough to share your thoughts with me.”
We finished our first flight and loaded back up to head home. We were about to do our service so the flight attendant who sits up front came back to help. We were waiting on Christian to finish setting up the cart. With no knowledge of my conversation with Christian, she RANDOMLY (but we know it’s not random) starts chatting it up and talking about her new church. She tells us that she left the church she attended since birth because they were controlling. She thought it was so wrong that you needed a priest to be an intermediary between you and God. She swore she would never step foot in another church because of the abuse by her father towards her mother. The church didn’t help and they wouldn’t accept her mom’s parents who were protestants. She was done with her church but not God. Then her mom asked her to try a non-denominational church. She had been going for a couple of years now and loved it.
I mean you cannot make this stuff up. Christian knew what she had no way of knowing what we were talking about before. I felt she was there for back up spiritually speaking
;) I didn’t have to have all the right answers. He showed Christian in a very profound way that offenses, the control could be overcome if he wanted to give it another try.
I prayed and prayed whether I should say anything else or remain silent. Usually God speaks through me without realizing it when I tell a story and it will speak to their heart or answer a question for them or be a confirmation but I was pretty quiet. Listening to Christian talk about how beautiful his new marriage was and all the adventures he and his wife had been on with the perks of flying at minimal cost.
It was the end of our last flight and the last few passengers were deplaning. It just came out without me really thinking about it too much. I said, “Would you do me a favor? You don’t have to. I mean…”
Christian interrupted, “Yes, I’ll do it. What is it? Ask anything.”
“Will you ask God about how your baby was made? How He created him? Where your baby’s soul came from?”
“So you want him to prove to me…”
I interjected, “No! I promise I don’t have some agenda with that question or preconceived right answer in my head and honestly, I don’t know what He will say but will you ask?”
“Yes, I will! And then maybe we will fly together and I can share it with you?”
“That would be great.” I said.
So rather than being offended at each other’s differences, we were totally cool. We were two radically different polar opposite believers. He believed in “science” and I believed in Jesus. On the surface, we had nothing in common but we walked off the plane as respectful seekers of God’s truth. Maybe we will meet again and his faith in a loving (not controlling) God will be restored.
A few things to ponder
1. Can we all admit we’ve had times of doubt? Especially when our circumstances don’t line up with His promise? I’ve asked questions like: Are you real? Do you care about me? Those times would really confuse me but now I don’t get too much into my head or try to figure things out. I ask God questions and if I wait, He answers me through a sermon, a devotional, a secular movie or song, He’s even used a billboard sign! We can empathize with people who struggle with doubt.
2. LISTEN RESPECTFULLY and respond with AUTHENTICITY. Religion caused Christian a great deal of pain and heartache. I have no idea the depth of that pain and the loneliness he felt when his wife cheated on him or the isolation he felt when his family rejected him. The least I can do is hear his heart and his hurts and his reasons “why.” In the past, I would be so freaked out that I wouldn’t be able to have these types of conversations without getting judgmental, defensive or simply shutting down and walking away. God has taught me to listen. Really listen to another’s heart and not to poo poo on their beliefs or be disrespectful. I ask the Holy Spirit to speak through me and sometimes that means saying NOTHING. I don’t have to have all the right answers. Pray and be sensitive to what He is saying and let God do what only He can.
