Stranger Danger Love

What do you get the person who has everything?  How about a stranger…what do you get them?   A whole lot of nothing, right?  but what if God is sending you on a stranger danger mission just like He did His disciples.

“…the Lord… sent them two by two…He told them, “The harvest is plentiful, but the workers are few…Go! I am sending you out like lambs among wolves. (Lk 10:1-3)

My daughter and I had plans for a Saturday morning brunch date last weekend. We both thought God might be sending us on one of His special missions…to some strangers who needed to be encouraged. I thought about how we might be able to plant seeds of His love in their hearts.  The night before our little date, I hammered some metal necklaces with words that said different things like “Brave” and “Joy” I also brought a pen and a few cards to write on to deliver messages of His love.  

We prayed about where to go.  Monica’s boyfriend asked if we were going to Old West.  No, why? Ugggg…Not exactly on my Christmas diet plan (ha!) and that place is always so crowded on the weekends but we asked the Holy Spirit and both of us felt led to go there.   Maybe God would put us right at the front of the line since we were on HIS special mission. UMMM no that didn’t happen. We waited for 30 minutes for our table (grrrrrrr i DO NOT like waiting for my food) but I prayed for manna from heaven to sustain me during the wait. JK I was pretty grouchy and whined a little bit.  Okay, I whined a lot.

We were seated and immediately Monica said she felt like we needed to write a card for the young 20 something couple at the table next to us.   Monica felt like God said they were a “power couple” They were like peanut butter and jelly, ice and tea :) both very different but they were made for each other.  They knew they were on the same team and worked well together :)  We wrote it all down.  I also felt like God said the young lady would have two kids and not to listen to any bad reports because it would all be fine!  but I prayed and God said don’t write that so I kept mum on the subject of her being a mom ;)  Then, I nominated Monica ;) to give the card to them so she boldly did.

I watched on and asked God why He would tell me about her two babies but not allow me to deliver such a message. I prayed for her and the two little ones that would one day be hers and felt peace.  The thing about me that I don’t get is my ability to pray for babies protection and they live and for pregnant mommas to deliver happy, healthy babies.  I am THE LAST PERSON IN THIS WORLD WHO SHOULD BE ABLE TO DO THAT.  After two abortions, why would God choose me to flow this most precious gift through?  Shouldn’t it be some perfect mother or woman who values life so greatly that she would never think to do such a thing?  But, hey, I’m not going to question it.  I’m just going to do it.  It’s called GRACE.  He says, “My grace is enough; it’s all you need. My strength comes into its own in your weakness. Once I heard that, I was glad to let it happen. I quit focusing on the handicap and began appreciating the gift. It was a case of Christ’s strength moving in on my weakness.” (1Cor 12:9-10)  Wherever the enemy hits us hardest is where we carry His power and His grace. 

So I wasn’t surprised when our waitress just so happened to be a girl that I prayed for her when she was pregnant at a different restaurant 5 years earlier :)  HA!  So a necklace went to her… along with a big Christmas tip from Jesus :)

Then the young couple we had given the card to came over as they were leaving.  They happened to go to our church :)  They explained how God brought them to Old West and it was clear to them now why-they had too much to do that day, his mom had made breakfast and he never passes up a meal but they both still wanted to go to Old West and it didn't make sense but NOW IT DID!  

During this conversation, God said I could FINALLY  tell her about the two kids He had in the works  for her. If she was ever afraid, not to worry-all would be okay.  She said you have no idea but that is my greatest fear and has been all my life… I am so afraid of being pregnant and giving birth.  WOW!  God is good.  He planted a seed of peace in her heart through this word for when the time was right!  We found out later this sweet young couple were so sweet to pay our bill!  SNEAKY!  But thats how God works.  He blesses us and then we get to bless others! 

We were about to leave and I had one necklace left. I felt like one of the necklaces and words were for a single older lady who had lost someone dear to them and would be alone this Christmas but I didn’t see anyone that fit that description.  We were about to leave when lo and behold an older lady sat down all by her lonesome at the table next to us!  WOAH.  I couldn’t believe it!  We felt like little love fairies sprinkling God’s love all over the people around us! 

God sends us to bring good news and encourage others. He commands us to GO! To reach those He loves.  We teach our kids “stranger danger” but God says that even though we may be lambs among wolves, He will protect us.  Jesus said, “During my time here, I protected them by the power of the name you gave me. I guarded them so that not one was lost…I'm not asking you to take them out of the world, but to keep them safe from the evil one.” (Jn. 17:12,15)  He will protect you as you love on His peeps!   The people around you are not strangers to their Father in heaven.  He knows them each by name…He knows the number of babies He has waiting on them, the hairs on their head and not one of them falls without Him knowing and caring.  They are His children who He loves dearly and wants to speak to…THROUGH YOU!

People, even stranger-danger kind of people, may seem like they have everything money can buy but one thing we can never have enough of is God’s love.  

And may you have the power to understand, as all God's people should, how wide, how long, how high, and how deep his love is. May you experience the love of Christ, though it is too great to understand fully. Then you will be made complete with all the fullness of life and power that comes from God.Eph 3:18-19)

So what’s stopping you from allowing God to share this amazing love through you?  You might think,  “I don’t even know where to start.  HOW would I do this?” Thanks for being such an involved audience with all the great questions ;) 

It’s easy!  Ask Him and God will create the opportunity and bring the people to YOU just like He did for us!

You might not be crafty…you might be really shy…  

so what if you bought someones meal like the couple did for us with a little note with your favorite scripture on it?  It’s easy.  Something so simple can show and flow His love through you!  Will you do it?  Isaiah 6:8 Then I heard the Lord asking, “Whom should I send as a messenger to this people? Who will go for us?”

I said, “Here I am. Send me.”

All it takes is a willing heart! Do one simple act of love for a stranger today :)  

Don't Go Breaking My Heart-Actually Go Ahead

I went through deaths in the family, divorces, 2 abortions, hurts in life and never shed a single tear. #canyousayhardhearted Then, eleven years ago, I met God one night when I was all alone and quite honestly losing it... and He gave me peace. True peace. No doubt it’s been a battle to remain in that peace. Trusting Him, I have allowed my heart to “wake up” to feelings and not shut down... To be fully alive, fully engaged and aware. God wants our hearts soft. It didn’t overwhelm me like I thought it would either...allowing my heart to be tender…it opened my heart to Him…to hear His voice and want to listen and follow it! it made me feel compassion and love for others. Having a heart that functions as intended is the only way to REALLY live. #dontsleepwalkthroughlife #askGodtosoftenyourheart #beingtoughisoverrated #openmyheart

"And I will give you a new heart, and I will put a new spirit in you. I will take out your stony, stubborn heart and give you a tender, responsive heart." Ez.36:26

Sunshine Girl

Sunshine Girl

In Tulsa, one of my favorite places since my son is so near to it now that he’s in college.  I called Tanner to see if he had time for lunch but it was his busy day.  I was a little sad thinking God had given me this “surprise” reserve trip to Tulsa to see him.  I wanted to call him back and say, “I know you are going to eat lunch and I’m willing to drive all this way” but that would be playing wounded mommy and honestly God is working on me to not make things “about me” #soTannersloss ;)

I decided to go to my favorite place to write: Foolish Things, a really cool hipster coffee shop.  I’m not hipster by birth but I know a little of the language and can grow a beard if I want…on my legs ;)  God usually sits my divine appointments right in front of  me so I looked up.  A tatted up girl with a pretty low cut shirt was sitting directly across from me.   I truly truly love being around people who don’t fit what everyone thinks is God’s mold (they can be SO WRONG).  Even Jesus has a tat:  “On his robe and on his thigh he has this name written: King of kings and Lord of lords.” (Rev.19:16)   

I started to pray for this young woman.  I asked God if He wanted to say something.  I felt led to silently pray for her and not talk to her.   I asked God to allow her to feel His presence and know His love.  Anything else, God?  I still heard nothing and at that moment she got up and left.  God, did I miss an opportunity?  In my mind I saw the tattoos that snaked down her arms.  Have you ever met someone that had an old boyfriend’s unwanted name tattooed on them?  I felt like God was coming in through my prayers and covering her old life and loves.  Getting “inked” can be painful but little by little she would be marked with the love of her Father.   Instead of a snake He was covering her with a garden of flowers. I felt like the prayers were like little splashes of paint on a new masterpiece of a tattoo.   The brief prayer to me meant little by little as she could handle the healing of the wounds of her heart.   The masterpiece of a tattoo He was creating for this beautiful girl couldn’t be completed in one day though so my little, and what felt to me as insignificant prayer, was enough for her for that day.  

Immediately, an adorable little sweetheart of a girl came and sat in tat girl’s seat.  Once again, God’s angels had brought the next object of his affection to sit across from me.   I felt like a tattoo artist.  Next up! 

She was such a sunshine girl.  Her smile radiated and glowed.  The glory of the Lord was upon her.   I could feel it.  I’m always a little at a loss on how to get the ball rolling with “God talks.”  I had to go pee (#tmi) so a lightbulb went off.  “Hey, can you watch my computer?”

“Sure. No problem.”

When I came back, I was still at a loss for words and wasn’t feeling some divine epiphany or prophetic word so I asked her if she was having a good day.  

“Yeah.  It’s great.”

“Oh, good!”  Conversation over.  #divineappointmentfail #abortmission

She waited a few seconds and then said, “Other than I have a biology test in 2 hours and I can’t believe it but I haven’t prepared for it at all.  You wouldn’t believe all of the problems of getting my book.  It getting lost in the mail.  They wouldn’t refund my money so I had to wait to have enough money to order a new one.  I seriously can’t believe I’m in this situation.  I might fail.”  So I guess her day wasn’t so great after all…

“Well, I love to pray.  Would you like me to pray?”

“Sure.”  

I prayed for her to retain information and for God to help her succeed and to restart her biology course so she could have a fresh start without feeling like she was behind.

She said thanks and I thought the conversation was over again #missioncomplete

But just to confirm I asked God, ‘anything else?’  I saw a picture of her in my mind sitting next to a window in a sunlit room.  She was singing and her face was reflecting the sun and it was so beautiful.  

I looked over at her wondering if I should share.  She had a look of consternation on her face as she stared at her biology book. 

Nope, God, sorry, I am not going to interrupt her again from her last minute study time and I had already used the  “watch my computer” excuse.

I looked at my computer screen and an email notification popped up and the subject line said, “SINGING…”  It was from my best friend and oddly enough the email had nothing to do with singing!  LOL but I knew it was a confirmation from God that I was to share.

So tentatively, I interrupted her studying.  “Hey, I know this is a strange question but do you play an instrument or sing?”  I was expecting her to say no and then I don’t know what I would have said probably “No, yeah I didn’t think so” and then ran out of the coffee shop…but she looked a little shocked and said, “Yes! Why?”  

Well, I know this may sound funny but I felt like God showed me a picture of you sitting at a window singing and then sun coming and shining on your face.  You are truly glorious when you sing and I feel like you will have peace when you sing.”  

“I can’t believe you just asked me that!”  She shared that her sister had taken guitar lessons and just couldn’t get the hang of it but that she had picked up the guitar as a little girl and taught herself to play.    

It was a simple word but she said, “I am texting my sister what you said.  I told her that I had been struggling lately and she randomly asked me if I every played the guitar anymore because I seemed so happy when I do it.  I haven’t had time.  I just can’t handle all this anxiety of stress about money and school.   My mind won’t stop worrying.  I’ve tried to stop it.  I’ve been on my own for a long time and I’ve had a black cloud over me all day.  Actually, this whole week.  Well, it’s probably been hanging around all year.”  

I love how God broke through her dark clouds with his warm and sunny love.  First with the prayer then with a word that He knew would touch her heart. 

Lessons learned:

~We need the wisdom to know when to boldly speak and when to be silent like with the tat girl.  We can only get this by asking God.  If we are scared to do it then He is well able to confirm it for us.  If there is an open door, we must walk through it to avoid feelings of regret and see miracles!  You can never go wrong with an encouragement either in prayer or speech.

~God will allow the sunshine in our hearts to break through another’s dark clouds if we are willing to look foolish or “be wrong” I seriously didn’t know what she would say about singing and that scared me to not have the answer.   She had been struggling for a year! and God delivered her within a 5 minute conversation. God has given YOU the key to someone else’s freedom.  Will you connect with Him and be obedient to open the doors with it?  

Arise, shine, for your light has come, and the glory of the LORD rises upon you. See, darkness covers the earth and thick darkness is over the peoples, but the LORD rises upon you and his glory appears over you. (Is.60:1-2) 

Thinking About Growing a Beard This Fall

A friend was asking me if she should date a particular guy.  I didn’t really get a heavenly thumbs up or thumbs down.  I thought about calling Miss Cleo to see what she might say…  I’m not sure if she’s still around ;) but seriously it would be nice to know if things were going to work out BEFORE we make ourselves vulnerable to another.  God was showing me how truly UNCOMPLICATED relationships are from His view and I shared it with her.  

***He’s looking for two willing hearts and His blessings will flow.  If there are two, it’s enough.***  

WHEN IT’S COMPLICATED

It CANNOT be that simple, God!  but I’m realizing how true this is. Whether it be in friendship, parents/adult children relationships, boyfriend/girlfriend, husband/wife, families, He’s looking for TWO people who will BOTH keep soft hearts towards each other.   It won’t work with one.

HOLIDAY RELATIONSHIPS

I have someone that I desperately desire a close relationship with.  It hurts my heart.  Like my old habit of going to church, we have a “holiday” relationship:  I’ll see you at Christmas or Easter. ;) Each time, I let them close, everything becomes about them, their needs, their problems.  We all have seasons of life like that but this isn’t a season this is a way of life and relating.  They don’t have the ability to see me they are so lost in their own pain and needs… and as many times as I share with them that this relationship needs to be good for both of us, they don’t get it and it becomes all about them once again.  Each time I let them in to get comfy in the home of my heart, they poop on my new rug.  ;)   I’m looking forward to the day where this relationship can be two willing and giving hearts.  I will keep my heart soft and willing and wait until that day.

If relationships are potluck dinners, everyone has to A. show up and B.  bring a dish… oh, and adults don’t poop on the rug and leave it there for others to pick up!  See that’s where it gets complicated. On this earth, we hurt each other.  It’s a me, me, me mentality.  We can do a heart check with relationships:  Do I only have a willing heart in this relationship if and when it benefits me?

SHE’S JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU 

What if ONE of the TWO becomes unwilling?

I had a long term friendship that for no good reason just went kaput last year. We were pretty tight at one point. We still ran in the same circle of friends but she would avoid me, not make eye contact, intentionally exclude me.  I tried to get together with her because she was being pretty overt about it or maybe just completely ignoring me but it was becoming awkward.  Have I offended you?  Overstepped one of your boundaries? If you won’t tell me what I’ve done to hurt you or harm our relationship then I can’t very well make it right, can I? Did I poop on your rug?  Not bring my pot luck dish to the relationship?  Her answer: no, it’s nothing.  After our talk, she removed herself from something we were both part of and unfriended me.  I do have an idea of what happened now and quite honestly I’m good with the friendship ending.  I asked God, “Should I continue to pursue this friendship?  I know it makes your heart happy when your girls get along.  Should I say I’m sorry for something? Search my heart, God. Is there anything I can do to reconcile this and make it right again?”  I’m not even kidding this song came on at the exact time that I was thinking about it:  “And I'm done hoping that we can work it out, I'm done with how it feels, spinning my wheels. Letting you drag my heart around.”  AND THEN IT BECAME EVEN MORE CLEAR- I SAW HER RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME IN HER CAR!!!!  WHAT?  God, you are good.  He knows our heart and whether others are willing…so  I had my answer.  Even if our heart is soft, we  cannot control other people or “make” them like us and it’s really a blessing to not have that angst.  When one is doing all the work, I would call that thread of connection unequally yoked. Amos 3:3 :”Can TWO people walk together without agreeing on the direction?”  Jennifer’s version of that scripture:  How can two people hug if only one is reaching out?

LAMPREY LOVE

When my husband and I were apart and considering reconciliation, I prayed hard.  I heard God say, “I will move Heaven and earth to restore a covenant if two people are willing.” Well, I thought that was a HUGE THUMBS UP!  but guess what…Marriage is still a challenge.  Not too terribly long ago, God showed me a picture of two lampreys trying to latch on to each other and suck the life out of each other…That was a picture of what was going on in our relationship.  When someone is soft with us, it’s not so we can take advantage and drain them. Lamprey love is self centered love.   Our razor sharp teeth HURT each other’s soft hearts!   Luke 22:38 And they said, “Look, Lord, here are two swords.” And he said to them, “It is enough.” So pick up your sword and fight for each other not against each other.  

UNITY OF WILLING HEARTS

Last week, I was super anxious about something in my life and each time I would think about it, I would get panicky.  I felt like ants were crawling in my pants and making me do the boogie dance.  I didn’t know how to stop the anxiety.  The scripture came to mind:  “You will keep in perfect peace all who trust in you, all whose thoughts are fixed on you!” (Is.26:3)  I decided that every time anxiety gripped me, I would remind myself of this promise from Him and I would say, “I trust you, God.”   I did that for a few days and then I realized that the ants had retreated from my britches.  I felt so peaceful.  

I met with a friend one day for lunch… I told her what I’d been going through and she handed me the pre-printed scripture she brought for me that day-itwas all about being anxious for nothing and God’s peace (phil.4:6-7).   THEN (same day) I get a text from a girl sharing something she heard from God for me. We don’t talk every day so this felt like a sweet kiss from God.  She gave me THE EXACT scripture God had given me the week before with an added little sweetness-that He was proud of me!   This is the kind of things that flow through soft and willing hearts without jealousy and judgments.

I think it makes God’s heart so happy when He finds two soft hearts that are willing to invest and give!  That’s where you see the beauty of love in miracles and the magic of God unleashed.  Unity is a place where His glory can dwell.  Psalm 133:1-2 How good and pleasant it is when God's people live together in unity!  For harmony is as precious as the anointing oil that was poured over Aaron's head, that ran down his beard and onto the border of his robe." Maybe I should grow a beard this fall? #forlove #addingtothetodolist 

Here I Go Again on My Own

What might you, Jesus, and the 80's band Whitesnake have in common?
Are ya feeling lonely? Welp you're not alone in that wink emoticon

From Whitesnakes ‘album’ Saints & Sinners (you have to be 'old' to have owned one of these babies) 

'Here I go again on my own,
Goin' down the only road I've ever known…
An' I've made up my mind
I ain't wasting no more time
Oh Lord, I pray
You give me strength to carry on,
'Cause I know what it means
To walk along the lonely street of dreams
And here I go again on my own...'

‘Jesus' went up into the hills by himself to pray. Night fell while he was there alone. (matt.14:23)
you will...leave me alone. Yet I am not alone, for the Father is with me…” (Jn.16:32)

If we can keep from feeling sorry for ourselves and truly embrace that God is with us every step...every second of every day then we can have peace in our solitude. Being alone with God is where we meet with Him face to face as a friend… I don’t always look forward to traveling by my lonesome but I’m trying to now consider my alone time with Him as a supreme gift from God to connect. ‪#‎gottalovethehair‬ ‪#‎whitesnakerocks‬ ‪#‎wonderifJesusdidhishairlikethis‬‪#‎extensions‬ ‪#‎doodoocurl‬ ‪#‎aquanetfordays‬

The View From Up Top

As usual my flight this morning to Atlanta was a set up by the Man upstairs.  “Blake” was a jumpseater strategically placed RIGHT next to me #jumpseatsweremadeforelves.  He was a big old burly guy.  I teetered on the edge of our shared seat and asked if he might be more comfortable on the back jumpseat :)

Most guys I fly with er um “like” guys.  I’m not stereotyping.  I took a moment to go back through my work experience to write this blog and about 5 out of 50 are straight…that’s about 90% gay but I don’t make assumptions because I really don’t need to.  It’s none of my business unless someone tells me and most do.  Sure when I first started flying, I was plotting on how I might get them into a church but I realized very quickly they had been more wounded by people that sat in pews than anyone else.  It’s a really sad fact.

Blake was no different.  He believed in the “universe” and was “spiritual” but had shunned religion.   A guy at church wouldn’t shake his hand because he found out he was gay.  Everyone who was religious that he met seemed to make it their personal mission to get him to stop sinning because he was gay.  We had a really nice conversation that he said was refreshing.  “I can’t have these kinds of conversations with religious people because they want to judge me and call me a sinner.  I can’t tell you how many people have called me ugly names, spit at me.  I’ve got scars all over my body from the wounds.  Literal scars.”  


The thing that struck me about Blake was his willingness to seek to understand why Christians were so against gay marriage.  He said Christians were really defensive and hadn’t been able to give him a good answer.  He was befuddled and the only reason he could come up with was their judgmental attitude.  Why would Christians be offended if he had the same rights that they had?  How did it affect them?

I’ve been in a holding pattern on waiting to hear from God on this very subject.  I haven’t heard anything other than God saying MYOB.  I make decisions for myself and I’m not responsible for other people.  I’m just not in a position to speak.  When I ask God, I get the old “You have the right to remain silent.”  A dear friend who has devoted her life to helping people who are married stay that way ;) was gutted by the SCOTUS decision…as in tears for days…can’t get off the couch…devastated.  She’s not a hater either…just sad.


Blake was so earnest in his desire to understand.  I thought of my friend and I asked the Holy Spirit again and honestly expected to hear nothing…but my eyes fell on his work lanyard.  What if someone tried to change the name of American Airlines that he proudly hung around his neck to Generic Airlines.  How would he feel?  He was an "old timer" with AA... Would he feel that was right?  Would he be angry?  Upset at all?

I could tell Blake was a compassionate person who truly wanted to see the situation and understand it.   I think it gave him a perspective that his heart was really desiring.  Hey, it gave me something to think about too.  Blake and I parted with a hug and a mutual respect.

Pros and Cons of Throat Punching

My flights had been so early that coffee shops hadn’t even opened their eyes yet.  #nowthatsearly  Needless to say, I was a little exhausted and was having trouble restraining my desire to throat punch people who gave me shade.

I was on the 4th day of waking up at 3 am. The crew was onboard long before the sun would peek over the horizon.  We were checking our equipment and setting up before boarding when a jumpseater heads back our direction.  That meant that every single seat on the airplane was taken #addedstress

Having a jumpseater on board is kind of like picking up a hitchhiker for a free ride. However, unlike hitchhikers, jumpseaters have gone through security so they won’t shank you or steal your moolah!   It can be seen as an inconvenience no doubt about it…they are in your work space on an already cramped metal tube but I don’t mind…it’s a good deed done for the day by being gracious to them and to treat them how I would want to be treated in that situation.

This girl was something else though.  “Porcupine Patty” was persnickety from the time she got on.  The other flight attendants and I were talking.  I was lamenting about how early it was and how the lack of coffee was affecting my brain cells.  She inserted herself into the conversation and reminded us we were on west coast time so meant it was only 5 am our time.  I’m sorry did anyone ask you for your two cents, PATTY???  My watch says THREE not FIVE, sister. I know.  Not very “Christianly” thoughts but it was 3 am…excuse me 5 am…and I wasn’t in the mood.  I felt my fingers clinch in anticipation of a throat punch.  Deep breath and relax fingers out of lethal weapon mode.  You get to live another day, Miss lack of empathy.

I responded, “Well, Patty, we had to get up at 3 am OUR time for the last 3 days.”
She gave me a “Suck it up, buttercup” look.
I could have thrown out something really witty like “This is an A to B conversation so C your way out of it.” but that one’s actually kind of lame and I couldn’t think of anything else.

Throat punch reflexes were kicking in again so I started praying for Patty the porcupine.  God, only you know how hard this 4 day trip has been on me with 13 hour+ days.  It’s easy to have a lack of empathy when it’s NOT YOU doing the suffering.  I do not want to get pricked by Patty again this morning, ya feel me, God? Lord, I give Patty and her petty comments to you.

Prayer changes me quickly and I felt the grace start to flow again. When I was done setting up I said, “Can I get you a bottled water, Patty?”
Her reply, “You’re a little late.  The flight attendant up front already got me one.”

You’re a little late???  Oh, no she didn’t.  A simple, “no thank you” would have sufficed.   God, I’m done.  It’s too early to deal with snarky unhappy flight attendants.  I asked God to give her an attitude adjustment and decided it was best to completely ignore this drama rather than go to jail for throat punching Patty…anyway, it might hurt my hand.

It was a fairly long flight and wasn’t I so lucky that Patty was sitting on my jumpseat??   The jumpseat is so small that we were both in each other’s personal space.  I guess God convicted Patty or something because she lost the attitude.  #prayerworks As we sat next to each other, she opened up about how she was commuting to work but would have a day to spend with her mom who was having  surgery the following day. I asked for her mom’s name and offered to pray.
“It’s no big deal,” Patty says.
“Oh, what’s she having done?”
“Heart surgery.”
“Um, Patty, I would say that’s a pretty big deal.”
“You’re right.”

Patty put her hand on her head.  “You okay?”  She said
“I get migraines.”
I said, “I’m so sorry.  It’s the worst to fly with a migraine.  Everything is exaggerated in the air.  Can I get you an Advil or anything else?”
“Thank you but I think I’m okay for now.”
I thought she was going to start crying at my offers of sympathy, empathy and willingness to help.
 She went on to share a lot about her life.  In aircraft lingo, we call that “jumpseat confessions.”  She talked about losing her first husband suddenly, more about her mom’s heart surgery, her debilitating headaches.  Patty said, “I never complain but this is a real thing.   Over the years, flying has done a number on my body so I finally went to the doctor to be able to avoid flying when I have a migraine.  I’ve always judged people who went on family leave for illnesses as “fakers” but now I understand.”

I talked to her about how a couple of days after a stressful situation, I would get a bad headache.  I felt like God told me it was me turning the stress and taking it out on myself.  Anxiety would come after the stressful situation with a mental bombardment of negative thoughts:  could have done it differently, why did that have to happen, God isn’t with me, bad things always happen to me.  This process was really self hatred.  In the theme of this blog, maybe it was a little like throat punching myself HA ;)  and turning my frustrations as a weapon against my mind.

I felt like I got this download from God when Patty was talking about her mom and minimizing freaking heart surgery.  Patty’s mom never showed her an ounce of compassion because she wanted her to be strong.  Patty wasn’t being snarky when she had nothing nice to say when I was struggling, she was modeling what she knew.  I totally recognized the attitude.

My daughter Monica was 12 when I had an encounter with God that changed every single thing about my life. Pre-Jesus I had a “Put your big girl panties on and deal with it” attitude like Patty.  #noexcuses #justdoit I realized I had, in trying to teach my own daughter to be strong withheld showing her any softness.   I said, “Monica, in my attempt to grow you into a self-sufficient and strong woman, I missed out on showing you love.  I’m so sorry.  Will you please forgive me?"
She smiled her brace face smile and said, “You're perfect, Mom.  But, of course I forgive you.”
"You're so sweet, Monica, but how can I make this right?” She thought for a moment and said, “I like hugs.”
We hugged for what felt like an hour and I cried my eyes out for what I had missed, for what she had lacked and for the gratefulness that there was still lots of time left to hug.

How could Patty have empathy for my exhaustion when she had never received it for herself? “A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.” (Jn.13:34-35)
I believe through our interaction, I modeled how to be compassionate and empathetic. (at least I hope I did because there were those several times I wanted to throat punch her ;) Patty was realizing that it wasn’t having a “pity party” to let others see her pain and love her through it as she confessed all the things going on in her life that were overwhelming her.  (I do know a lot of people who have ongoing pity party’s and that’s not pretty either so asking God to help us not go to that extreme)

Take aways from my time with Patty:

1. Don’t throat punch others like Patty did with her snarky comments and like I wanted to when she was making them. That’s turning our anxiety outwards.  Sometimes you have to remove yourself from striking distance of people like this.  You can love them from afar and pray for them.

2. Don’t throat punch yourself like I do when I have stress.  That’s turning anxiety inwards and you will get sick!

3. Throat punching not needed.

In lieu of throat punching, "Cast all your anxiety on him because He cares for you." (1Pet.5:7)

God's Reality Show

I start noticing patterns, when out of 5000 flight attendants based at DFW, I end up flying with the same one multiple times. My Holy Spirit antenna goes up to see what God is broadcasting and I know it’s probably a divine episode on God's heavenly reality show. The angels working away to get us to a moment of connection to do what God wants done in our hearts. It’s usually not one sided. The people I encounter in these divine moments are speaking to me too. I dislike it but sometimes I miss these moments. I’m so preoccupied with myself or I am too weary to pick up on the signal :( but God is good to bring them back around when needed.

There was definitely a pattern with one fellow flight attendant. I went to a training class with her, she commuted home on one of my flights, then I was a passenger on one of her flights. I was the last one on the flight and, with no seats left, I was sitting right next to her pretty face on the jumpseat. I have a fondness like a daughter for her that I can’t explain so it’s probably God’s genuine love for her. I would say her relationship with God is pretty private though and maybe a little “to be determined.” She’s never mentioned it. I know her sibling is in bible school but she’s never mentioned her own faith.

I don’t think I missed any of the previous moments when we had been together to be part of God’s reality show. No, I felt like God was opening her heart to me. She says her mom is self-centered and she was the adult in the relationship so I think slowly but surely she was warming to me more and more.

As she worked her galley and served the passengers, I asked God what these little interactions were about. Did He have something to say to Mariah (not her real name)?

I saw Mariah laying on a beach in a white bikini. Mariah was saying, “Do you see what God gave me? It’s my new bathing suit. I love it! It fits me perfect.”

Okay, STRANGE! First of all, you have to be really really tan to pull off a white bathing suit and she wasn’t from the caribbean ;) It’s also hard to keep a white bathing suit clean on a beach! So, God, what does that mean? I felt like He said, that’s how I see her. She’s pure, white, perfect, spotless. She’s my bride. I’m giving her this new bathing suit. It’s hers. She doesn’t have to do anything to earn it. I’m keeping it clean. No strings attached. ha ;)

I asked if there was anything else He wanted to say. I heard a song that God’s heart and her’s were singing to each other. It’s called “Stay With Me.” The lyrics that came to mind were, “Oh, won't you stay with me? 'Cause you're all I need. I don't want you to leave, will you hold my hand?” I felt like it was her heart cry. She wasn’t fearful or needy saying “Please don’t leave me, God!” No, she was strong making a choice. God, I want you to stay with me.

God was singing back to Mariah those lyrics too: “Stay with me!”

I hope you can feel Gods heart towards this woman in what I write.  He’s so passionate and pleased with her. I know a white bikini and a song by a gay guy may not be how you might think God would speak to her but God will speak to our hearts in the way only we can understand and appreciate. Maybe she’s jump in her car after we talk and that song is playing? We just don’t know.

Mariah may have looked for the love God was offering in men, again, not in a needy way, but, if I choose to let you have my body, then stay with me because another line of the song is “This ain't love, it's clear to see but won’t you stay with me. And deep down I know this never works. But you can lay with me so it doesn't hurt”

One night stands offer a faux love and leave us feeling empty but we aren’t alone at least for that moment. I completely related with her. I would have panic attacks at night and made a lot of bad choices because I was terrified to be alone. It’s been hard to look to Him instead of trying to earn the love of men by being pretty enough.

All these sweet, crazy and powerful thoughts were going through my mind and I didn’t know how to convey what I saw to her. I knew God would create the opportunity so I put it to the side for the moment. After she finished her service, she sat down and we chatted. She shared what was going on in her life. She’s a no nonsense strong girl and so brave. I gave her some advice about confronting a self focused person in her life and a gentle way to do it since she tends to be pretty direct not wanting to put up with women who act like her mom.

I remarked on how God had brought us together several times. I asked permission to share what I felt like I heard from God for her. She consented. She didn’t think I was a weirdo with the bikini thing so that was good! She also confirmed that she felt really lonely in this job. I asked her if I could pray for her. I asked God to be real to her. To hold her as she fell asleep and that she would feel His nearness. That He would indeed stay with her.

Her tears were so profuse that they covered my arms like little rivers. Nothing I said was profound but God’s love is like that. It touches the lonely places of our heart so deeply that our hard hearts are broken into a thousand pieces and all the hurt in our hearts is released to Him. His love gives us a new and pure start, a thousand times over if needed. I love how God loves us and I can’t believe that He lets me be on His heavenly reality show. #itsawildride #neverknowwhatsgoingtohappen

Loaded Questions

“Well, I’m not going to say it’s okay when it’s not okay!  Sometimes “they” are trying to trap you when they ask questions like that.  That’s why I didn’t answer. He asked us a loaded question and the answer is NO, I’m not going to condone sin!”  That was Cheryl (not her real name but she looked a lot like an older but super pretty 80’s model Cheryl Tiegs so I’ll go with it) 

The night before our crew of flight attendants decided to try the local cuisine at a popular restaurant.  Our interesting meals were placed before us with a flourish.   I looked suspiciously at it since my husband told me that the island was overrun with lizards and they tried to sneak it in as a mystery meat to their local dishes.  #thanksforthathubby Probably best to pray…especially for a meal like that ;) 

Cheryl (loaded question lady) was already digging into her meal and Justin (he looked like Justin Bieber) was sipping on his Mojito.  I didn’t know if either one of them were Christians so I asked a little hesitantly, “Would you guys mind if I pray?  If it bothers you then I’ll say mine privately.  It’s really no problem.  I’m sorry if this is putting you on the spot.” 

Justin who has a boyfriend from “New York” said, “Sure. Pray.”  He went on to say that his mom always prayed before meals too. Cheryl, a piece of shrimp hanging out of her mouth, assented with a nod as well.  I prayed some specific things for each of them.  For Justin I prayed that He would see God clearly and for Cheryl that she would feel how special she was to God…that He would comfort her and that God chose her. After the prayer, Cheryl shared she was a former Church of Christ-er and now went to a non-denominational church. And of course I remembered to bless the fresh lizard. #delicacy   

Then came the loaded question from Justin:  “So you say you’re Christians so I’m curious, how do you feel about equality of marriage and all that?” 

Cheryl stayed quiet.  A story came to mind from my past.  I was a brand new baby Christian. I had a meeting with a couple of realtors who were partners in business and in life.  They happened to be the same sex.  On my way to meet them for lunch, I told God (not really expecting an answer) “God, Jennifer really likes both of these ladies but If YOU want me to tell them what they are doing is wrong (speaking of their same sex relationship) then I WILL!” I had my own similar experience like this when I was younger so was I really in a place to talk about wrong or right to anyone? Still I had been reading the bible and it seemed SO CLEAR to me at the time:  wrong versus right. I was fairly surprised when God responded to me:  “Jennifer, this is none of your business.  I didn’t call you to judge.  I called you to love.   If you can’t love these women then at least be kind to them for me.”  

I was confused and thinking maybe the voice in my head wasn't Him...but He made it clear.  Crystal clear in fact…about how He felt about me telling them how wrong they were. God gets pissed when you talk about his kids and I felt that righteous anger in the force of his response.  Like a lion roaring, He was fierce. “Don’t you dare touch my daughters' hearts.  You’ll have to get through me first.”  As a mother, I understood His protective stance.  If I need to deal with my kiddos on something then that is a PRIVATE matter between ME and THEM.   It would be like me spanking someone else’s child without authority.   I would be fighting against God Himself if I proceeded.   

Justin listened intently and didn’t respond to what I said but instead talked about his mom’s battle with cancer and her supernatural testimony of meeting God.  It was powerful.  She was in a room sick from the cancer and a light began shining brighter and brighter on her.  She saw the devil jumping on her back.  She had not been a Christian before that encounter but after that she had given her life completely to God.  She went to church “all the time” now.  He still wasn’t sure about Jesus and, at this point in his life, he wasn’t a Christian.  (I think Justin’s momma has been praying for her sweet boy and God sent me to him to love on him.)  

As the conversation went on Justin shared more about himself.  He talked about a dark period of his life not that long ago.  He had gone to outpatient therapy for alcoholism and “other stuff.”  I could be totally wrong but I got the impression that He had battled deep depression to the point of giving up he was so tired of suffering.  That’s why we have to double check that our  words are from God by at least ASKING God how He feels before we speak! We don’t know the depths of other’s suffering.  God will protect their hurting hearts from people like ME (remember with the realtors).  Only God knows how much Justin has been through.

So when Cheryl was venting to me in the front galley about Justin's loaded question the following morning and explaining her silence, I agreed with her.  It is sometimes wise to be silent. She made an excuse, “Well, you know.  Love the sinner.  Hate the sin.” That pissed me off.  I felt uncomfortable and gossipy talking about Justin when he was in the back of the plane.  I may have answered too strongly in my tone :(  I said, “I’m thankful that God doesn’t see my as a sinner but as His child.  Jesus takes care of sin.  Besides, Justin's “SIN” is really none of our business.  Jesus said, ‘A new commandment I give to you:  love your neighbor as yourself,” right?  How do you want to be treated by others?  I’m assuming gently and with love?”  I reminded her of the woman caught in the act of adultery in the bible.  Jesus stood between her and the rock throwers.  Unless I am willing to suffer for someone or, like Jesus, die for them, then others “sin” is not my concern.  Now, if I love someone:  my kids, my husband, my best friends and I would willingly stand between them and a bunch of rock throwers, then yes, by all means, I will speak to them if I think they are getting off course in their life. I will suffer for those I am in relationship with but I’m sorry.  I don’t love “Justin Bieber” enough to take a bullet for him so his choices are none of my beeswax!”  

We have all been wounded in this life:

After my sharp reply to what Cheryl said she confided in me.  She had been cheated on too many times to count by her husband, a full time pastor.  After many long years of marriage with a newborn baby, he left her for an 18 year old woman. He had met her in the youth ministry and had been sleeping for 2 years.  She had pain associated with other’s “sin.”  Her comment about being unable to condone sin made sense now.  She had allowed her husband’s behavior to go on and was willing to overlook it for the sake of love and to keep her family together. Her husband’s choices had devastated her and destroyed her family (her words) 

I felt such compassion for her. She had love her husband.  She suffered and was willingly to die for her marriage but she was not given a voice or a choice.  The person she was protecting from stones put a knife in her back.  He didn’t give a damn about her or her family and threw them away. 

It’s a very fine line when dealing with other people’s choices that effect me personally and directly though.  Justin hadn't cheated on her or sinned against her though.   She somehow equated Justin’s choices to her husband’s sin but I believe it was fear based and her heart had not healed though it had been 20 years since it happened.  I’m thankful for Justin’s loaded question because I think she gained a new perspective from God…It’s very liberating not to be responsible for other's choices.  It frees us up to love them and see beyond what we think is wrong with them. My prayer for her at the meal was that she would feel comforted.  Even if her husband, threw her away,  God chose her.  She was very special to Him.

Loaded Questions:  

Sometimes discussions about our beliefs are like walking in minefields.  One wrong move and we will be handicapped.  Our words have the ability to destroy or create connection. When we are asked a “loaded question” that we think are big no-no’s then we can spout of and wound, be silent, or touch base with the Holy Spirit and say what He's saying.  A girl asked me last week, “Should I live with my boyfriend?”   I wanted to say it’s not wise!  The guy she is dating is still “in process" for sure.  I asked the Holy Spirit before I went into fearful mommy mode.  He said, "She already knows her answer so keep your opinion about it to yourself."  She texted me this week that she knew it wasn’t a good idea and was making changes to rectify the situation.  He has the greatest wisdom to share and it always surprises me.  This week, take opportunities to ask God what He thinks before you speak.