I was on the 4th day of waking up at 3 am. The crew was onboard long before the sun would peek over the horizon. We were checking our equipment and setting up before boarding when a jumpseater heads back our direction. That meant that every single seat on the airplane was taken #addedstress
Having a jumpseater on board is kind of like picking up a hitchhiker for a free ride. However, unlike hitchhikers, jumpseaters have gone through security so they won’t shank you or steal your moolah! It can be seen as an inconvenience no doubt about it…they are in your work space on an already cramped metal tube but I don’t mind…it’s a good deed done for the day by being gracious to them and to treat them how I would want to be treated in that situation.
This girl was something else though. “Porcupine Patty” was persnickety from the time she got on. The other flight attendants and I were talking. I was lamenting about how early it was and how the lack of coffee was affecting my brain cells. She inserted herself into the conversation and reminded us we were on west coast time so meant it was only 5 am our time. I’m sorry did anyone ask you for your two cents, PATTY??? My watch says THREE not FIVE, sister. I know. Not very “Christianly” thoughts but it was 3 am…excuse me 5 am…and I wasn’t in the mood. I felt my fingers clinch in anticipation of a throat punch. Deep breath and relax fingers out of lethal weapon mode. You get to live another day, Miss lack of empathy.
I responded, “Well, Patty, we had to get up at 3 am OUR time for the last 3 days.”
She gave me a “Suck it up, buttercup” look.
I could have thrown out something really witty like “This is an A to B conversation so C your way out of it.” but that one’s actually kind of lame and I couldn’t think of anything else.
Throat punch reflexes were kicking in again so I started praying for Patty the porcupine. God, only you know how hard this 4 day trip has been on me with 13 hour+ days. It’s easy to have a lack of empathy when it’s NOT YOU doing the suffering. I do not want to get pricked by Patty again this morning, ya feel me, God? Lord, I give Patty and her petty comments to you.
Prayer changes me quickly and I felt the grace start to flow again. When I was done setting up I said, “Can I get you a bottled water, Patty?”
Her reply, “You’re a little late. The flight attendant up front already got me one.”
You’re a little late??? Oh, no she didn’t. A simple, “no thank you” would have sufficed. God, I’m done. It’s too early to deal with snarky unhappy flight attendants. I asked God to give her an attitude adjustment and decided it was best to completely ignore this drama rather than go to jail for throat punching Patty…anyway, it might hurt my hand.
It was a fairly long flight and wasn’t I so lucky that Patty was sitting on my jumpseat?? The jumpseat is so small that we were both in each other’s personal space. I guess God convicted Patty or something because she lost the attitude. #prayerworks As we sat next to each other, she opened up about how she was commuting to work but would have a day to spend with her mom who was having surgery the following day. I asked for her mom’s name and offered to pray.
“It’s no big deal,” Patty says.
“Oh, what’s she having done?”
“Heart surgery.”
“Um, Patty, I would say that’s a pretty big deal.”
“You’re right.”
Patty put her hand on her head. “You okay?” She said
“I get migraines.”
I said, “I’m so sorry. It’s the worst to fly with a migraine. Everything is exaggerated in the air. Can I get you an Advil or anything else?”
“Thank you but I think I’m okay for now.”
I thought she was going to start crying at my offers of sympathy, empathy and willingness to help.
She went on to share a lot about her life. In aircraft lingo, we call that “jumpseat confessions.” She talked about losing her first husband suddenly, more about her mom’s heart surgery, her debilitating headaches. Patty said, “I never complain but this is a real thing. Over the years, flying has done a number on my body so I finally went to the doctor to be able to avoid flying when I have a migraine. I’ve always judged people who went on family leave for illnesses as “fakers” but now I understand.”
I talked to her about how a couple of days after a stressful situation, I would get a bad headache. I felt like God told me it was me turning the stress and taking it out on myself. Anxiety would come after the stressful situation with a mental bombardment of negative thoughts: could have done it differently, why did that have to happen, God isn’t with me, bad things always happen to me. This process was really self hatred. In the theme of this blog, maybe it was a little like throat punching myself HA ;) and turning my frustrations as a weapon against my mind.
I felt like I got this download from God when Patty was talking about her mom and minimizing freaking heart surgery. Patty’s mom never showed her an ounce of compassion because she wanted her to be strong. Patty wasn’t being snarky when she had nothing nice to say when I was struggling, she was modeling what she knew. I totally recognized the attitude.
My daughter Monica was 12 when I had an encounter with God that changed every single thing about my life. Pre-Jesus I had a “Put your big girl panties on and deal with it” attitude like Patty. #noexcuses #justdoit I realized I had, in trying to teach my own daughter to be strong withheld showing her any softness. I said, “Monica, in my attempt to grow you into a self-sufficient and strong woman, I missed out on showing you love. I’m so sorry. Will you please forgive me?"
She smiled her brace face smile and said, “You're perfect, Mom. But, of course I forgive you.”
"You're so sweet, Monica, but how can I make this right?” She thought for a moment and said, “I like hugs.”
We hugged for what felt like an hour and I cried my eyes out for what I had missed, for what she had lacked and for the gratefulness that there was still lots of time left to hug.
How could Patty have empathy for my exhaustion when she had never received it for herself? “A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.” (Jn.13:34-35)
I believe through our interaction, I modeled how to be compassionate and empathetic. (at least I hope I did because there were those several times I wanted to throat punch her ;) Patty was realizing that it wasn’t having a “pity party” to let others see her pain and love her through it as she confessed all the things going on in her life that were overwhelming her. (I do know a lot of people who have ongoing pity party’s and that’s not pretty either so asking God to help us not go to that extreme)
Take aways from my time with Patty:
1. Don’t throat punch others like Patty did with her snarky comments and like I wanted to when she was making them. That’s turning our anxiety outwards. Sometimes you have to remove yourself from striking distance of people like this. You can love them from afar and pray for them.
2. Don’t throat punch yourself like I do when I have stress. That’s turning anxiety inwards and you will get sick!
3. Throat punching not needed.
In lieu of throat punching, "Cast all your anxiety on him because He cares for you." (1Pet.5:7)
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