Hey, That’s My Spot

I was doing the waltz around Sephora in Southlake town sq. on the drag. Parking, the premium kind, being open and available, is rare. You have to hunt for it. Stalk innocent shopping bystanders. Your timing must be perfect. I’m sure you’ve done it before. Done the loop de loop… unless you're my husband or son. They try to find the furthest one away. Get yer exercise for the day. Good for them but I don’t like that. Texas summers are winning the war against my ooh la la lavender deodorant.

One time I was trolling for parking spots in front of Brio and everyone kept staring. I didn’t have a cool car but I thought maybe I looked cute or something that day. A lady even gave me a big smile and slight wave... and then my daughter, who I had dropped off, told me there was a long piece of hot pink tulle hanging out my back door flowing in the wind like a long tail as I drove.
BUT THAT’s ANOTHER story. 

The day before my Sephora parking spot hunt, I’d been at the airport. I drove in to terminal C. I let someone go in front of me like any good Christian would 😉 but then immediately regretted it. She got a primo spot…and what turned out to be the ONLY spot under roof in that entire terminal. After she “took my spot,” I prayed. I had arrived early so that gave me some time. I finally found one on the roof where my car would sit over night and bake until the next morning. I paid the same $24/day as the other lady but now, there’s no elevator on the roof, so I had to lug my purse, lunchbox and suitcase down 2 flights of stairs. What could I learn from this situation? What would be the logical lesson?
-Don’t let anyone in front of you because they will steal your spot.
-You always have to be the one to take the leftovers?
-Others are more important? 

I’ve acted like this my whole life. Hurry up and get in line. Do call ahead seating. Make an offer on the house quick before someone else does. Or when someone else gets to it first-they probably lived their life perfect so God is blessing them. A lot of that is a gift of mine: Strategy & Learner. Get to the designated spot as quickly as possible without hiccups and learn the lesson. 

Lest you get judgey at me for my “selfish ambition,” I think we all have our areas: 

-We want to get married or have a baby-others are and we aren’t and we can’t help but wonder WHY?! 

-Someone else got the job or opportunity we wanted while we were passed over.

-Someone treats us as less than because of X, Y, Z (being a female, our skin color, etc)

-Our idea was shot down

-someone steals yo man

-friend or significant other forgets about us and moves on

-our idea isn’t recognized as “the best” one

-Our life is not going as planned in some way or it takes us longer to get to our spot

Our hearts are trampled. Our emotions out of control about these slights and missed love & opportunities.

But I've felt differently over the last year or so. I've learned to trust God’s timing for things (mainly because when I do it my way it turns to caca). I've been feeling more at home and comfortable in His love mostly because others weren’t giving it. As a result, I’m more confident, flexible and moldable by His desires wanting only to be in step with Him. Wanting what He has planned for my life not what I planned. I delighted to see others get what their heart desired. I would even say I had chilled out! LOL I like to rest and spend time in His presence every morning before I go into this stressed out world so I want His way, His timing and what He has for me. Even if it costs me something. Even if it looked like I was losing or lagging behind others.  Even if my situation isn’t ideal.  I’m not perfect in all of that but it seems like when my mind starts to go down that emotional roller coaster of missing out, the Holy Spirit redirects me back to His truth and love. I have a little journal session and I recover.

We’ve been in a rental that was supposed to be temporary 3-6 months except we’ve been here for almost a year. Our rental flooded once and almost twice. I could have pushed the issue and jumped on contracts for a new house but God closed the door or they didn’t seem right. God would put up stop signs and I HEEDED THEM THIS TIME. I would not step out or force things as I had in the past. I'm a "get it done" kind of girl so this is pretty much a water into wine or walking on water type miracle. I don't view the world or my life the same now through eyes of “hurry up” nor was I feeling like other people were getting blessings and I was left out.. 

So after giving away my spot and hoofing and huffing it down from the nose bleed section of my parking at the airport, I wasn’t bummed. I didn’t feel like I had missed an opportunity (though I battled that thought) I just repeated the entire time. God I trust you. You have a spot for me. I just knew it. I was surprised it was the roof and cost me some sweat but He DID have a spot and even if it was the last seat at the table. 

So fast forward to where we began. Sephora. The next day. I was pulling up to the stop sign. A spot opened up. I could see it. Two doors down from Sephora. But another person pulled up to her stop sign. I hesitated. Technically it was my turn. She rolled up a half second behind me. But I waved her on in front of me…hoping she wouldn’t take the spot but alas, as it usually goes, she did pull quickly in celebrating her victory and no wave for the early kindness that allowed it. I stayed at the stop sign for a second. Battling the thoughts again. I know this is completely silly and I hope you don’t have these kind of “carnal” thoughts like me but I pulled up and said out loud, “God you are so good to me. I’m just happy to be rolling with you and I know you have a spot for me.” Then, and I am not kidding, cuz there were no people walking across the street or brake lights on before this (my fellow stalkers know these parking cues well), a car began backing out and it was even closer to Sephora. YES! Thank you Jesus! and then ANOTHER CAR started backing up right directly in front. I was like YES! God, you do have a spot for me. I knew He did but I thought it might be in the back 40 again. I mean when does that happen 3 spots in 10 seconds at peak shopping time. 

The lesson learned: We don’t have to force our way, be concerned with our position compared to others, manipulate, cut others off or be afraid others will get to “our spot” first. We might be in the alternative always sitting back and waiting - being an “observer” of life because we don't really want to be obedient because it will require us to change …or we may not feel that way about ourselves but we are a “pusher” for our kid to be treated a certain way over others and they must have certain opportunities. We are VERY concerned about THEIR spot….I am by no means saying that we are not to "champion" our children but we all know there is a line and as Moms we sometimes cross it. No matter what spot issue we are having, I feel the answer is still the same. 

Be ready when the door opens and it will be a door built just for us. The enemy might steal something from us. We might have the thought that someone has stolen our door! The enemy took what was rightfully ours and that does happen. BUT God has made provision for that! The door will open up IF WE TRUST IN HIM ALONE (NOT PEOPLE)! Seek His presence. Seek the favor of His face. Be patient. Be at peace. Keep the faith. DON’T TRY TO FORCE IT or get upset at “missed opportunities.” Let the attributes of the Holy Spirit develop in you. He’s maturing His bride.  Eyes on Him. Your spot will come. It will. He’s a good Father.

"The fruit produced by the Holy Spirit
within you is divine love in all its various expressions.
This love is revealed through:
Joy that overflows,
Peace that subdues,
Patience that endures,
Kindness in action,
A life full of virtue,
Faith that prevails,
Gentleness of heart, and
Strength of spirit."
Galatians 5:22-23 TPT

Old School Coffee

Captain: “Do you know how to make coffee?”

Setting up my galley to prepare for passengers, I look over my shoulder thinking he’s joking but his stern face told me he was, in fact, not. “Yes, I know how to make coffee.”

“Old school coffee.”

I stood there with a bland look on my face still trying to gauge the joke status: “What’s that?”

He kind of laughs and informs me that he will give me the instructions. WHAT A GUY! He went on to tell me with the meticulousness of a surgeon a step by step dissection of old school coffee prep:

“First, you warm the pot by brewing hot water only. Next, you brew the coffee with a bag in the brewer and the pot. Then you take club soda and hold it over the coffee one-one thousand, two-one thousand, three-one thousand.” He does this while opening a fake can of club soda and pretending to pour it in the coffee pot. No, I’m not making this up.

“Are you former military?” I ask with a smile.

“Yes, how did you know?”

“Just a guess. I do plan on making coffee…that sounds like a starbucks order though.”

“It’s not that difficult…” and he points to his cuff links (not making this up either) his cufflinks are B.S. and he says, “See this. I’m not in the mood for it today.” Now, he’s smiling and acting somewhat jovial but he is trying to make a point.

I respond back, “You know what that is exactly what I was thinking.” smile and I continue to set my galley set up.

My job is to serve passengers. Serving the cockpit = handing two bottled waters up front and serve meals if they are scheduled.

I stood there and asked God, “God, should I do “old school: coffee? I kind of feel like no matter what I do it won’t be “right”

“Do what you feel comfortable doing.” Alright then, I decided to run the hot water first as he mentioned even though we were in Tucson and even at 6 am it was probably a 100 degrees already but whatever. I then brewed coffee as I normally would and I laid out an extra coffee bag and club soda on the counter.

He comes back in and says, “Is the coffee ready?”

“Yes, I made coffee. It sounds like you are wanting something specific so I left your items out to make it the way you want it.”

He looks at his coffee bag and club soda and raises his voice and says, “You have to put the other bag in the coffee pot FIRST!” He feels the coffee pot. “Well, the pot is hot. At least you got that right.”

OH NO YOU DI-UH. Don't mistake my kindness for weakness. I feel my heart beat elevating and that whole fight or flight thing kicking in. I can either go toe to toe with this guy: raise my voice, get angry and then file a complaint. Any other flight attendant would have told him to get the #*&& out of her galley….OR, I can slink away or just take it. Was there another option though?

THIS IS A TEST and God has given me the answer:

The fruit produced by the Holy Spirit within you is divine love in all its various expressions.

This love is revealed through:

Joy that overflows,

Peace that subdues,

Patience that endures,

Kindness in action,

A life full of virtue,

Faith that prevails,

Gentleness of heart, and

Strength of spirit.

[Galatians 5:22-23] TPT

We can have PEACE in all situations even though it does not seem like it. Peace comes from within.

I’m way more on the fight/sassy side but God has been warning me of remaining in peace and not living in reaction mode. We give other people way too much power over our insides and then blame them when we lose it. I’d already had one incident and honestly I handled it outwardly well but internally I was HOT! I've been field in life in many areas by my own emotions rather than God's heart. God said very clearly right after that incident, “You cannot fight fire with fire without creating a bigger fire. Stand your ground. Remain in peace.” So I was kind of ready for this nonsense and this time I wanted to ace my test since I hadn’t nailed the first one.

So here I am. This captain being ridiculous and high maintenance trying to use his captainship as license and my flesh wants to tell him that. My indicator I was operating in the "flesh" at an injustice - I was losing my peace... but, God, I have access to operate in the fruits of the spirit. I have peace in you in all circumstances. This man does not have control of my emotions, you do. I do not receive his unrealistic expectations. So I said calmly without even a hint of sass, “You are welcome to remake it. There’s plenty of coffee.”

He huffs off angrily.

I asked God how I did and I felt His peace.

This time, my blood pressure didn’t rise to the boiling point where I had to control it, I didn’t respond with sassy or frustration, I didn’t tuck my tail or feel shame and take his treatment of me personally or paint a victim mentality picture to my husband. I felt Victorious. It was really his issue. And honestly, I don’t even think the guy was a bad guy. The enemy was using a wound in his life to try to throw me off but I stood firm. I was completely peaceful and as helpful as I felt comfortable being. I could see him as a little boy with a demanding and unpleasable father. He just didn’t know how kind God is. What a gentle Father he has in Heaven.

Some of you might say (like my husband did) “That guys a jerk or he needs to be put in his place… He can’t talk to you that way.” And you are right but I don’t have to control him or prove anything, I have to please my Father and I did.

My daughter didn’t know about this situation when she gave me a word. “I feel like God is saying that in a staring contest with the devil you win.”

I got it then. If the enemy can get me distracted. Acting in the flesh. With my eyes on him then I’m sunk. I’m out of peace. BUT if I choose to keep my focus fixed and unswerving on God and His love then the enemy can’t play games with my emotions. #UnshakableLove #AllEyezOnJesus Others don't define us- only God can do that!

I am not promoting leaving yourself in an abusive situation. NOT AT ALL! Get out! There's a lot to be said for standing up and speaking truth.

I believe many of us are in a season of testing. Remain in peace. Don’t take what the world throws at you inside your heart.

There are things in our life that aren’t working: the way we respond to our spouse, or feeling frustrated when things don’t go our way or aren’t perfect, or our attitude about work stinks (yep all those fit me but I’m sure you have your own). Try something new. Ask God how He wants you to adjust so you do what He would do.

Can you bridle your tongue when your heart is under pressure? That's how you show you are wise. An understanding heart keeps you cool, calm and collected no matter what you are facing." Proverbs 17:27

He’s maturing us. The tests show us what is in our heart and refine us until we come forth as gold. Until we look like Him.

LEADERS can be Butts too

LEADERS can be Butts too

I was on a vacay with my 20 year old son and his friend, Joey. I told them, “I don’t wanna slow you two young ‘uns down.” I did pretty great at keeping up with them considering. I could go rest in the shade while they surfed and snorkeled but then we did a bike ride. They toot tooted off ahead and I brought up the rear. #ringring I huffed and I puffed and then I slowed down. way down. 

I could still see their churning legs far far down the road. I cranked my pedals harder to try to catch up…Something MUST BE wrong with the bike…It was obviously broken ;)

They finally figured out they’d lost their caboose and came back to fetch me a few minutes later finding me with back of hand on the forehead, “You left me! I might have perished!” JK I said, “Guys, First, we must get some iced tea then we’ve gotta get a plan here so momma doesn’t get left in the dust.” 

We decided to put Tanner in front. Me in the middle and Joey behind me. That way the slowest/weaker member didn't get left behind. It worked really well until Joey’s chain fell off and I didn’t look back either thinking that I was the one who needed watching over. 

I’m by no means a PHD but below are 5 things the Holy Spirit has been revealing to me personally about leadership of late: 

1. LEAD FROM THE BACK/Butt: This is an important lesson for leaders to learn. 

Jono and I like to go hiking. He’s a better navigator but he lets me get out front too. Out front I deal with spider webs and snakes and he watches my 6 so I don’t get attacked or eaten by a bear. Cuz there's lots of those ‘round these parts. Haha Sometimes we switch because there's thorns and bushes and he whacks them away. The point is we do it together. No one is designated in a certain space. Leading can be from the front or the back. He's definitely an expert on the trails and I am an expert sight seer aka beauty finder and chronicler of our journeys ;)

2. LET GO OF THE NEED TO LEAD: Recognize that we all have our gifts and strengths where we lead but when it's not our "gifting" we gotta LET GO and learn to listen and follow or we will find ourselves being very, very unhappy along with everyone around us. :) Be an empowerer who doesn't have to be micromanaging and ruling with an iron fist. #controlfreak When it’s new terrain a leader needs to give the reigns to another who is familiar. My husband is amazingly logical at keeping details straight but I get the heart and vision behind all the "facts." We need each other to display our strengths.  #NotAOneManShow #NoLoneRangers#teamworkmakesthedreamwork
LEADERS are less comfortable following or feeling “behind”:
——My own nature… As a flight attendant when, as a crew going from gate to gate, we walk through the airport together. Sometimes I’m in an unfamiliar airport and I don’t even know where I am going but I’m a “power walker” and think I can probably figure it out. I follow the signs and instructions and stay out front because I don't want to be left behind. sometimes I get everyone following me the WRONG WAY! When they've been there before so they can lead. Be a good leader AND a good follower :) If we HAVE to be out front that can represent selfish ambition or fear of being forgotten. Only God knows what's in our hearts #beentheredonethat

3. LEADERS ARE CHOSEN BY GOD AND NOT BY SELF: When I first started my Christian walk, I liked to lead. A baby Christian, I volunteered to lead a small group at Celebrate Recovery. I learned really quick that those out front get shot at… A LOT! And so I hid for a while from leadership. I don’t step out until God calls me out and then I know I am hidden under the shadow of His wing.  #onAssignment

Philippians 2:3-4 Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others.

4. LEADERS DO A LOOK BACK and responsible for all not just self. There’s a military term FI LO, first in, last out. Set your heart to be willing to do either at God's command. Another term used is "Leave No Man Behind." If we think we are too important to help someone left BEHIND then remember someone once wiped your own ;) when you were too weak to do it yourself and that one day you could possibly need that help again... Leaders are servants: here I am serving cokes and picking up people's trash on an airplane and NOT loving it so there's that. :) It's a tendency of many strong leaders: capable, confident can forget that others are following or that we are servant leaders. we get so focused on the destination we don’t know how to carry others into the promise land or into the dream TOGETHER.
Pre-Jesus, in my partying days, I was a single momma and I would leave monica to babysit Tanner. I was a no-show as a leader. I see that in men and women who are focused on their careers or even pastoring. We forget the living breathing and MOST important gifts we are working so hard for-FAMILY. Leaving them in the dust.

The hubs & I got into a big old *discussion* one day when I was following him in the car to a new place. “Follow me,” he called out as he tore out of the parking lot. First yellow light, he gunned it and I got stuck. He “forgot” he had a tail and he didn’t look back. (all this is written with his permission)

So the last shall be first, and the first last: for many be called, but few chosen. Matthew 20:16 

5. NO SHOW LEADERS Maybe you are simply NOT relating with this. You shun the front. Feels most comfy being at the back of the class. When God says, “Who shall I send? Who will go for me?” the answer is to slink down in our desk and hide and calling it humility. Being an armchair quarterback to our husband, business associates or other leaders but not stepping out where God is calling us for fear of failure or perfection issues BUT we have lots to correct or say to leaders. What if those you are to lead never get to their destination because you remained hidden or silent or only did the arm chair quarterback thing?  #disobedience #rebellion #fear#passivity One day, we'll stand face-to-face with God and tell him why we chose to be a coward or to stay a victim rather than step up and step out so be bold, be brave, do what you are called to do.

There are people I know who do this really well Laura Therrien-always offering a helping hand with a pure heart. She's very capable of being the captain of a boat but she defers, she has great wisdom. Mary Jo: a prayer pastor mentoring so many in following JC by opening her home, teaching and baking challah bread. Those are two immediate names that come to mind and there are many others... walking, breathing testimonies in their servant hearted lives...and of course there is JESUSCHRIST

******************JESUS IS THE MODEL!!!!!!!!!!***********************
Eyes on Him. He leads, we follow.
Jesus led and others followed was a definite theme in His life. First, he learned it was important to follow His parents on earth and His Father in Heaven though. Jesus wasn’t always making sure he was a few steps in front. That was't His goal-for everyone to know He was running it. Nor was He a hoverer...He led, rested and connected with God too. Sometimes he stayed behind and let the others go ahead without him when He sent the 70 out with power and he sent his brothers on ahead of Him to Jerusalem before His crucifixion.

The point is- yes lead and lead well but it’s not always 2 steps ahead. It may be 2 steps behind your weakest link. Kind of like Joey, at the age of 20, he could kill it on the bike but he slowed down and took a back seat as a leader but for all his strength BUT he DID need help too because his bike chain fell off. 

Feel like you have the gift of leadership or a strength in a specific area? Cuz we all do in some specific area: prayer, kindness, teaching, creativity, ideas person, hearing God's plans from Heaven, helping others, administration, etc. In leadership, right now, what I see (preaching to myself too): we have too many heads and not enough butts and bottom line is this is carnal leadership cuz leading is SERVING one another :)

Excerpts from John 3 "The Father had given Jesus power over everything. Jesus knew this. (He wasn't insecure or trying to prove something) He also knew that he had come from God. And he knew that he was going back to God. So while they were eating, Jesus stood up and took off his robe. He got a towel and wrapped it around his waist. Then he poured water into a bowl and began to wash the followers’ feet. He dried their feet with the towel that was wrapped around his waist...When Jesus finished washing their feet, he put on his clothes and went back to the table. He asked, “Do you understand what I did for you? You call me ‘Teacher.’ And you call me ‘Lord.’ And this is right, because that is what I am. I am your Lord and Teacher. But I washed your feet. So you also should wash each other’s feet. I did this as an example for you. So you should serve each other just as I served you. Believe me, servants are not greater than their master. Those who are sent to do something are not greater than the one who sent them. If you know these things, great blessings will be yours if you do them."

What do you get when you have two turkeys in the kitchen?

I was sitting on the jumpseat with a fellow flight attendant who was hitching a ride to work. She lived in Oklahoma City and was sweet and southern. As flight attendants, we get to talking on that jumpseat. It’s the nature of chubby-ish thigh to thigh meat on a too small metal bench.

She was sharing with me how she loves to cook and is really good at it. It’s kind of her “thang” but her husband always wants to creep in on her domain and try to “help” her. (such a dear-probably taste test everything to make sure it’s not poisonous, saint that he is) She said she would much rather him be out on the grill and have her space to herself. The kitchen gets tight and tense when they try to cook together. 

They divide and conquer and it works well for them and there’s nothing wrong with that. It works for them. They probably have other things they enjoy and do well together. 

The tension over meal prep reminded me of my own trials in the kitchen. Try to cook together: all our intimacy issues became really obvious.

We're both bossy. Like if we didn't think of it, it's not the greatest idea. Our way of doing it is the best way. I was overly sensitive to my cooking abilities and Jonathon was really territorial. Thanksgiving was our personal reality show of World War Z or World War III or World War T ;) he would come behind me and taste something I was cooking and throw a pinch or more like a cup of salt in and I would do a little turkey trot over to his gravy and pronounce loudly, “Too salty. Way too salty.” AND it all kind of went downhill from there. Lots of passive aggressive comments and jabs, controlling actions (stay away from that I have it where I want it), perfection issues, hurt feelings. Having a lot of people over and trying to accomplish feeding them all and get the house ready will put any couple to the test. Our worst seems to come out right before we hear the knock on the door, growl over our food and then paste a fake grin on as we fling open the door, “Welcome to our lovely home.” I would make sure and seat him as far away from me as possible. 

We would get through the meal with gritted teeth. Try to eat turkey and pie like that.  #losesItsFlavor :-/ We wouldn’t talk for a few days. And neither of us was quick to listen or slow to speak, slow to get angry. 

Girls, when I say we had epic battles in the kitchen, it’s a little bit of an understatement. You know those battle scenes where opposing armies are in the valley rushing across the field on their horses swords in the air, arrows flying? Except we had gravy ladles pointing and salt shakers shaking, and the battle was over whether to put mushrooms and bit of mustard in the green bean casserole.

He would continue being mean or have snarky comment towards me during the meal. I would pull my pillow to the very edge of the bed without falling off and put another pillow between us. He knew what that “sign” meant. Momma’s KITCHEN IS CLOSED! We would stay disconnected until someone apologized, we’d exacted sufficient punishment on each other by taking it too far, or we would wake up and forget what we were fighting about. To repeat the same cycle over again and again any time we would try to accomplish things together under pressure. 

This was kind of our mode of operating SO We avoided working together and stayed out of each other’s way to prevent the drama.

What do you get when you have two turkeys in the kitchen?
Answer: A HOT MESS

Team work will bring out all the gunk of our connection issues. Have you seen LeBron -he’s a one man show #ballhog. Jono and I tried to play games that way. You may be winning at life but your team is falling apart and feeling unnecessary and like you are a bench warmer. Working on a team with different personalities, quirks, fears, hang ups. LAWD! The.struggle.is.real

Many couples give up trying to be a team and go with single serve “chicken" on the run. bypassing the uncomfortable silence at the dinner table.

Husband works and has his hobbies while avoiding vulnerability because he sucks at it. He sections a sliver of time for her into the midnight hour of their bedroom because he just can’t connect with her in any other way and be good at it.
Wife takes is hyper focused on kids and has her girls lunches or church ministries (ouch), romance novels or comedies, attention from guys at the gym, coffee shop,
work, spa “me” time, she works or plans a life outside of him because it’s just easier and less heartache….Or she just dies inside and shuts down losing her shine.
That's when affairs happen or you just stay out of each other's way. 

This was where Jonathon and I were headed. DISCONNECTED! 

I don’t know exactly when it happened but things began to change. For the better.

My hubby and I are both very strong willed. Slowly very slowly (like years and tears kind of slowly). We were worn out with fighting. But we grew inch by hard earned inch closer. We started to bend towards each other.
—-We finally stopped trying to change each other. 
—-We finally started listening and responding to the others wishes rather than doing it “our way”.
---We lost sight of ourselves
---the pressure came off 

Our hearts were both for connection, we just didn’t know how to do it. Whether you “believe” the bible or not, the principles there are pure gold. Forgive 70x7. Think of others more highly than yourself. Don’t give in to the flesh. Humble yourself. Serve. Give. Love. THEN get up the next day and do it all over again. Slowly your brain gets rewired to do these things faster and more readily. Those detours we take to dead ends in relationship are bypassed. because you taste the fruit of being selfless - it is sweet to the taste just like pecan pie when we lay down our right to be right.  #pride There’s freedom in His ways.

The last thanksgiving was probably the first year where we actually laughed and joked the entire time. 

A surprise even to me - I felt no pressure. No stress. It made no sense. This is the first year we should have been in each other’s way! We went from this chef’s kitchen to this teeny tiny rental house with a kitchen where we passed each other sideways and sucked in. We just had fun though and worked side by side. Being in this tiny house has forced us to connect in a more intimate way.
Jonathon served me a scoop of mashed potatoes, “Taste these before I put any more salt in them.” He praised my help and my apple cream pies. Breakthrough! 

We opened the door to our family with genuine smiles. I sat right beside him :) #thightothigh #turkeylegtoturkeyleg

I knew it was a miracle…because of where we came from. Folks, never forget where you came from or you will miss the miracles of the new season and forget to be thankful. 
This is our new MO: Team work makes the dream work…
except now we have to work on our car rides! 
#AlwaysAnAdventure #AlwaysGrowing

Are you struggling with “playing well with others?” I’ve seen these connection issues with friendships in my own life too. I’m embarrassed to say that a lot of times I give up on girls because I just don’t want to deal with the drama and I’ve had friends unfriend me too probably for the same reason.

Life is messy. There are no fairy tales. Sometimes connections get broken beyond repair.  #BurntTurkeyIsInedible BUT you can always laugh about it and order some pizza. Choose joy and choose who you partner with wisely. Fight the good fight of faith and don’t get stuck in a rut or take your ball and go home. God wants you on the team. He’s putting you in the game of relationships!

Posted with my husband's permission. His comment: "hope this helps some other battling chefs out there" 😜

Someday You Will

A big oak tree flanked the drive way of our rental house. It was one of the biggest trees in our yard. Maybe about 25-30 years old or so. Still young for a tree. It was April but, unlike the other trees, it showed no signs of waking up from it’s winter nap.

Those of you that know me know how much I love trees. I began to pray for the tree to wake up. For God to restore it. Maybe it was just a late bloomer? Each time I passed the tree, I rolled down my window and placed a hand on it and prayed. 

One day as I was praying and looking for signs of life, my next door neighbor came out. 

“That tree is dead and it needs to be cut down before it falls on my house.” 

Falls on your house? One limb dangled over her driveway. A little dramatic. And stop speaking death over my tree (hand on hip and I said this REALLY LOUD but only in my mind ;)

I responded, “I am hoping it will live.”
“We have a lot of trees in this town.” 
But not this one. Not this tree. For this tree, I have prayed. 

I brightened one day when my husband said there were buds on some of the branches. He knew I’d been praying. I was so excited! #HighFiveMoment
I rushed outside. I could see it! There were little green heads popping through on one side specifically. Over the next few days they even grew into mini-leaves. 

YES! Prayers heard and answered. 
God brings dead things to life. WAHOOO!!!
I was so pumped. It was the week of Easter/Resurrection Day. How fitting.
It reminded me of my own marriage being resurrected after divorce. 
And the tree lived happily ever after. End of story. God is good. 
Except that wasn’t the end of the story.

The big guy took a major turn for the worse over the following weeks. Bark started falling off one of its limbs in big chunks and then spread to the other limbs. The exposed flesh of the tree was pinkish. I thought of my own arm without the skin and without protection. Oh how those raw exposed sores sting and hurt. Constant pain. Make fun of me for being “sappy” but I thought of how it must be for the tree to be exposed. It hurt my heart. 

I prayed and I prayed. Please, God, let it live. Please. Please. Please. Those desperate type prayers. But when I would look up and see the raw flesh, I also didn’t want it to be in pain.  #TreesFeelPain #IguessIAmATreeHugger
Have you ever been in that place where you knew God COULD do something but He wasn’t? 

I heard one day, “The deader something looks, the better the resurrection.” Well, that sounded very promising but not grammatically correct. Hey, I'm not going to argue with God. So He would heal the tree…I mean, it happened for Lazarus. His rotting flesh was made new and he lived again in the same body. 

Every day, more and bigger chunks of bark welcomed me to the party of prayer like a turd in the punch bowl. The pinkish exposed flesh was turning brown now. And then the little leaves stopped growing, stunted and lost their vibrant green color. Welp, God, this is definitely “deader.” 
Still I prayed because the tree still stood but it wasn’t thriving. It was like a lifeless body in a hospital bed kept alive only by the machines of my prayers… 

I asked my husband if the really bad limb, the one that looked like it had leprosy, if it was cut off, would it maybe save the tree? Cut off the cancer. So he reached out to the landlord. They were having a tree doctor come look at it because my darling neighbor had already called them. ;) What a peach! :)

Maybe the tree doctor had a magic bean in his bag to make it grow up to heaven. 

Ha -that would show my tree-hating neighbor!  ;) #mypride#likesbeingright #loveyourneighborasyourself

The tree doctor’s report came: The tree would have to be cut down. When a limb had been cut off the previous year, it had been infected by the tree trimmers spikes from another diseased tree. Maybe if they'd caught it early. Maybe not. But, now, it was too far gone.

I was sad...I still prayed because whether this tree lived or not, I know God is so involved in my life. I know He is doing something. Teaching me things as a good Father.
I heard a teaching about John, the Baptist, and Jesus’s interaction. 
My version in a nutshell ;)
John was in prison and sent Jesus a message.

John’s modern day text to Jesus:

“Hey JC. It’s your cousin. Remember me? They locked me up for taking care of your business. I hear you can pull some strings since you are in charge now?”

Jesus sent a message back to John in prison:
Yep, I’m doing lots of miracles in lots of places for lots of people. Can’t help ya, cousin. don’t get mad. 

John reading it shaking his head: can’t or won’t
Jesus: con’t 

So, no, Jesus didn’t send an angelic swat team to rescue John. He warned John “Blessed are those who aren’t offended by me.”
I imagine John had a major reason to be offended. This was life and death- someone who could have saved you not only from prison but from death but he didn’t. He was BEHEADED! Horrific.

Pretty rough…Like when we send a text or a “prayer request” to family or friends or post it on facebook.. kind of hinting that you need some real human help and the response is: I’ll pray for you. 
Good luck with that… 

The expectations we have of how life should go. How people should respond to us. How God should answer us and in our timing. 

We know the weeds in our life need to die: pride, selfishness, striving, fear.
A structure built in our childhood. When that root system is bringing death, it has to be ground down and our roots re-established. Self protection must fall like the bark from the tree.

But it’s so much harder when it’s something that once sustained us, brought us joy or life or something we really really really wanted to happen. 

And what about beautiful things that die too early, too young, or when we aren’t ready or don’t want them to die? A hope in our heart, a child, a parent, a business, a job, a friendship, a marriage, a relationship to someone we thought was “the one.” 
Something that was at one time so vibrant, so alive, so life giving that we didn’t want to have a life without it? 
What then?
I thought about what I’d heard before, “The deader something looks, the better the resurrection.” 
Jesus. 
Stakes driven through his hands and feet. The piercing of his side. He didn’t get off the cross early. He stayed because death was required and what He sent was so much greater than had he not died. Would something greater come as a result of this loss? My heart felt better. Yes, that was who God was. A giver of good gifts. Jesus said in John 16 that it was best for us that he die, because if he didn’t, then He couldn’t live inside us through the Holy Spirit. 
The deader something looks, the better the resurrection. He saved the world with His death.
So, yes, good things sometimes do need to die for something greater to live within us IF we don’t turn away from Him or believe a lie. 

I do not like when the formula (promise) I use doesn’t add up.

John 14:14 You may ask me for anything in my name, and I will do it.
Ask for tree to live——check
Asked in Jesus name—-check
The Tree lived!——nope 

But I think sometimes in life, I don’t like what God is doing so I try it a different way because I don’t like the season I’m in…rather than asking, resting…trusting… I know He is okay with that. Even Jesus said, “Father, take this cup from me” but followed it up with, “Not my will but your will.” We ask but ultimately we submit to His way even if it’s not the way we would have chosen. 

Hope against hope, I prayed. 
When they came to cut the tree down, I went to my back yard and I sat down underneath a canopy of other trees (yes, there are more trees in this town) and I cried. My prayers unanswered. I said, “God, what? What are you saying? I know you know the number of hairs on my head so you know my heart. I won’t walk away from this situation and believe that you aren’t anything other than a good Father who loves me, hears my prayers and cares for me.” 

For me, what I’ve learned so far about my tree is it equaled the Death of expectations. How I think things should go down. 

Will I believe in His goodness even when I don’t see? Jesus said to Thomas…Blessed are they who did not see and yet believed.” Jn 20:29 

I heard in my heart, “Your home is not here.” It was true. We were renting this house and Hebrews 13:14 says, “For this world is not our permanent home; we are looking forward to a home yet to come.”
I thought of after Jesus death when Mary was so heartbroken and the angel met her when she was looking for his dead body, he said, “He is not here, He is risen just as He said He would.” 

Something powerful happens in Heaven when we experience a death here on earth. Something is born into our life that is not of this world. 

I have to say, each day as I drive by the blank spot in my yard and I see where the stump was ground and covered with dirt as if it never existed, I’m not happy about it but I’m working through it. 

I don't get to see Jesus with my human eyes and I don't get to see my tree. 

I was listening to Steven Furtick and he said many think the opposite of faith is doubt but it’s not. The opposite of faith is sight. Will I believe even when I don’t see? Yes, God, I will love you. I will trust You. I will believe. 

Jesus said in John 13:7 "You don't understand now what I am doing, but someday you will.” 

Don’t get stuck in the why's or the what if's? That, my friend, is a dead end road. Work through it with God until it is well with your soul. Forget the pain of what lies behind. Someday we will understand and we will have the eyes to see the resurrection of what we lost.