The World Needs a Hero

It was a typical hot Texas summer  Sunday.  We let our teenagers sleep in and went to our normal 12:30 pm church service then headed out for our family lunch.  

However, there were a lot of things that weren't typical about this day as I look back now and review this day forever etched in my mind. We had a pleasant afternoon breeze instead of our normal suffocating and sweltering heat so when offered a covered patio seat, we took it.  My husband, Jonathon, and I received a gift card to Coal Vines, a local wine and pizza restaurant so we decided to try it for a change rather than our usual Brio brunch.  As we sat down, we noticed the table of eight women enjoying their mimosas like gaggling geese. We ordered our late lunch and were enjoying our time with the kids. 

The women next to us were having so much fun that we might have missed her first cries for help but her frantic scream silenced them. "He's trying to kill me!" she both cried out and whimpered as she came out of the boutique and into view.  The young teenage girl was visibly in distress.  We all sat stunned unsure of what to do.  Assessing the potential seriousness of the situation, and in a split second,  my husband and I both jumped out of our chairs and I ran to her. The mellowed and stunned party of eight looked on startled and confused. They were closer to her but made no movement.  My husband hanging back so as not to frighten her further.  

I was holding her sweet little shaking shoulders.  "Who, sweetie? Who is trying to kill you?" I asked.  She just kept repeating that someone was trying to kill her.  "Is it your boyfriend?  Are you hurt?" I asked.  She quickly jumped behind me and pushed me in front of her like a shield and said, "That's Him!"  A man walked quickly out the front door of the boutique next to the restaurant.  He was only 20 yards away from us. He stared at us with cold, dead eyes.  I stepped back and she held tighter.  It was creepy and I wasn't sure if he would come for her.  I made the decision in my heart that he would have to go through me first.  I was not going to abandon this fragile and scared little bird behind me.  The character walking towards us did not look like this beautiful young girl's boyfriend.  He had long hair and was tucking something in his back pocket that we later found out was a knife. I looked for my husband to help because I thought that it might be a gun.  I didn't see Jonathon because he had gone back to our table and was sprinting to his truck to get our concealed handgun (yes, I have a license)  Instead of coming towards us the  unkempt and scary looking man then took off running and quickly disappeared.   

We called 911 and then focused our attention on the girl.  She was shaking, crying and holding on to me.  I held her and said, "It's okay, sweetie.  God saved you.  He preserved your life.  We never eat here and He sent us here just for you so He could protect you."  She caught her breath and wanted to call her dad who arrived in a jiffy.  I also told her father that God had intervened for his(His) daughter.  

This sweet, precious and terrified young woman then related what happened and we were finally able to piece things together.  She was 16 years old and had been working at the boutique alone.  A man had come in claiming to be an inspector and had asked her to lean over and unplug an outlet so he could test it.  He then put a knife to her throat.  He told her that they would walk together to the front door and that she was going to lock it.  He didn't tell her what he would do next but, unfortunately, we can guess that he intended to harm her and, in doing so, alter her life forever.  His plan went awry because God had a very different plan for this brave young woman.  As they started walking towards the door, she took off and that's when she ran out into the light and into God's planned rescue.  


In these pivotal moments in life where there is no time to weigh our options or assess danger, we have already internally decided what we are going to do long before we show up.  We can either hang back and regret it for the rest of our lives or take a chance and potentially put ourselves in harms way.  On 9/11/2001, many brave heroes took that chance and paid the price.  Thankfully, I didn't have to that day but, by my choice, I was made willing.  Mother's know this with their children.  It would be a fight to my last breath and death if someone tried to harm my children.  God loves us like that BUT MORE!  God NEVER ignores our cries for help.   He put himself in harms way and didn't JUST die for us.  He endured torture that marred him beyond recognition...that was far worse than death.  Stripe by stripe, He loved us in a way that no one else ever could or would.  He is the ultimate hero because He loved us first and without reciprocation.  His love for us knows no ends.   What if we hadn't helped this young woman and said this is NOT MY PROBLEM? She still would have gotten away from the maniac BUT she would NOT have known that God protected her and was her rescuer.  I believe that meant more than her physical life being preserved.  Her soul was potentially preserved.  I know that seed that was planted will bear fruit.  Instead of being a victim, she knows that God loves her.



Each day offers us new opportunities to love others and to be heroes.  Some aren't as dramatic as the day I described but we can all be a shield from the enemy over someone in our own uniquely built way.    The enemy wants to steal, kill and destroy but Jesus brings life and we carry His power. We can defend and protect them by using the gifts that He has given us.  If your gift is encouragement you can lift someone up when they are down or you can be a shoulder for them to cry on.  For those who have lost hope that the angel will ever stir the waters up for them again, we can challenge them to get up because life can be good again.  

I have a friend, Polly, who once worked in a topless bar and now she spends Fridays traveling to local strip clubs.  She and her team at www.wearecherished.com bravely battle the enemy for these women's hearts by giving them gifts that show they are cherished daughters. The enemy and some Christians say these women are trash but God says they are His Princesses.   I have another friend, Rebecca, who is throwing a baby shower for a same sex couple.  We can't control people but we can love them.  She isn't condoning anything but following the lead of the Holy Spirit and being obedient.  She has spent countless dollars and hours planning this shower to show them that God doesn't hate them but, in fact, loves them.  If and when the opportunity presents itself, Rebecca will speak, but, regardless, she has planted a seed of love and IT WILL BEAR FRUIT because of her obedience. Being led by the Holy Spirit means that you do what He tells you to do,  when He tells you to do it.  I remember when I'm tempted to judge that Jesus saved his harshest words for the religious and "perfect" people and His love and compassion for those sick, needy, and broken.  Just like Jesus stood between the woman caught in the act of adultery and her accusers armed with stones in their hand, we must be willing to die before we have any authority to speak to their sin.  Rebecca's love for these women COST her  and she now has a voice in their life that rejection, hate or disgust would never allow.   

There's a superhero in Polly and in Rebecca and in me...there's a superhero in all of us and His name is Jesus.   Let Him loose.  

http://biblehub.com/isaiah/58-6.htm

http://biblehub.com/2_corinthians/1-4.htm

http://biblehub.com/john/5-7.htm

Is God Two-Faced?

Is God Two-Faced?

God’s Justice and Grace

Part 1 of 2

When I truly submitted my life to God at the age of 32, I felt peace for the first time.  Yet, my glasses to view Him were the wrong prescription.  Distortedly, I viewed His justice as harshness and the graceful peace through performance lenses.  Based on our skewed perceptions and some hell, fire and brimstone, some of us see His justice as a weapon to be used against us.  Growing up without feeling love perverted my view of God's justice and grace.  If God was a two-sided coin, then some days I'd flip my God coin and feel like it landed on a harsh task master. Other days I'd flip it and feel a distant, disinterested "tails" telling me I hadn't earned his approval or grace once again. Every sermon I heard seemed to reinforce this view because of my vision problem:  try harder, do better, stop sinning and start doing good.  

We seem to find what we are looking for.  Instead of seeing God for who He is, with bifocal intensity, I constantly stared at my reflection.  My flaws were "funhouse mirror" big and His grace and love couldn't be found in the picture.   I wasn't being transformed into His image because I was staring at my own.   I  started working for God by getting involved in a recovery program where all my efforts seemed futile. The spiritual treadmill that I had myself on was exhausting, and I quickly tired and felt empty.   I experienced frustration most of the time because His grace wasn't for sale.  

As two sides are part of the same coin, so justice and grace are two sides of the same God that seem counter to each other but can't be separated. The urban dictionary defines two-faced in the following way, "When someone is nice to you in person but when not in person talks sh*t behind your back," while according to Merriam-Webster, it means  "hypocritical."  It's hard to explain God because He is indescribable.  Our definitions don't fit Him.  Using Urban dictionary-onics He is nice in person but behind your back, He is talking some sh*t to the enemy of your soul. 

God expresses His grace and justice, not in hypocrisy, but like a mother lioness who gently nurses and cleans her cubs with a soft touch.  In the event of a predator attack with intent on harming or separating her from her beloved babies, she would literally have the offender for lunch.   God's love is protective and ferocious like a Lion roaring so loud that the earth under our feet trembles.  He is The Lion defending His Pride in absolute dominion for His kingdom. No contest, He is the King of our jungle. This is the love of our Father and those are pictures of what His justice looks like.

"God is not a human that He should lie, not a human being, that he should change His mind...".  Yet, He has a personality that seems incongruous at times.  So how do you get to know God?   He says, "You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart."(Jer.29:13).  He seems elusive at times in our lives, yet, we are able to see Him, like Moses, face to face as one speaks to a friend (Ex.33:11).  God is feared by all for His justice but gives His friend's grace.  As we seek connection and intimacy with Him, He calls us friends.  In His gaze, we can see His unyielding love and His grace-filled justice.

A single mountain has different sides that have different climbing terrain. One face of the mountain can be gentle, forgiving, beautiful and pleasant to experience and the other side, sometimes known as the "north face" can be hard, unyielding, unforgiving, and even insurmountable...  There are so many facets, or faces, of God like a brilliant diamond-- reflecting His heart to us.  He loves us so much.  He is a God full of grace...a kind God.   He wants us to "...experience the love of Christ, though it is too great to understand fully." (Eph 3:19).  We could know Him for a thousand years and another thousand years more and never have fully experienced  who He is.  WOW!   "...Day and night they never stop saying: Holy, Holy, Holy is The Lord God Almighty" (Rev.4:8).   To be enraptured with gazing at His face, as if we were two star-crossed lovers finally reunited.  The distance had felt so great that we never wanted to stop gazing at Him for fear that we might miss another moment being caught up for eternity in His wonderfulness.

We are His and He is fierce for our hearts. His justice is protection at all costs even at the cost of laying down His life. If we accept His love and sacrifice, We will be reunited with Him in eternity and never, ever experience the fear of separation from His love again. Since "...the Lord your God is a consuming fire, a jealous God," (Deut.4:24), He is not willing to be separated from us. He will destroy anything that hinders us from being intimate with Him including our actions, our apathy, or other's actions.  We choose other things to love, befriend, to gaze at, to adore, spend time and money on or to give our body and souls to.  God’s powerful grace transformed me from an unfaithful woman who was addicted to attention into a faithful woman who is dependent upon His attention. Still, "If we are unfaithful, He remains faithful, for He cannot deny who He is." (2Tim. 2:13) He never gives up on having our hearts.   

In Ezekiel 30, God is so devastated and angry that the Israelites rely on Egypt for protection. Once again, God's people become Egypt's slaves trusting in Egypt's strength and protection and not God’s.  God says He "...will break the arms of Pharaoh, then Pharaoh will cry out in pain, the kind of cry a dying man makes." How is that for graceful justice?  It is a singlehanded wrecking ball intent on destroying and removing anything we trust in other than Him.  

For me, my Egypt was men and their attention. I looked to them to fill the insatiable yearning and hunger for attention and affection but it never satisfied. I would walk away from each failed relationship feeling used. How could it be a  love that could be trusted  when they were using me and I was using them to get my addiction for attention filled...there is no giving in this type of love, only taking.   Love The Lord your God with all your soul and strength. He cares for you and loves you tenderly. His destruction and removal of all of the things we cling to other than Him can hurt but, in reality, it is so loving.   As a husband would be jealous for His bride, His love would break the arms of the man that would try to steal His wife.

Admittedly I used the "two-faced" phrase to challenge your thinking about God, to reflect on your pre-conceived ideas about who He is as a God of justice AND grace.  Some of us like to camp out on the "grace" face of the mountain and others are more comfortable seeking justice but He is both.  You now have an opportunity for you to seek answers from Him for yourself...have a face to face meeting.  We can then each see a side of God up close and personal in our lives that we can share with others. 

Jesus, break our chains and the arms of anything that keeps us from receiving your love for us.  We want to speak to you face to face as a friend.  I ask that you would reveal a true picture of grace and justice to every person reading this blog.  Help them to see you clearly with new vision in Jesus' name and by His power.

Part two is coming sooooooon! 

Eat Your Peas

“Does God trick us?”, my daughter asked.  She had been invited to participate in two 5k walk/runs over the last few months.  She decided to volunteer at the first one which was a walk that benefitted human trafficking victims.  She wanted to be a part of what God was doing to rescue the women, however, she despised excessive physical activity especially in the Texas heat.  She was unaware that her volunteer duty would be to drag the wagon to the half way mark of the course and when the race was over, drag it the remainder of the course back which would equal….you guessed it: a full 3.1 miles also known as a 5K.  She had, inadvertently, participated in the race. The second walk was for people with spinal cord injuries.  She signed up to walk the mile only portion of the course but due to bad signage travelled the entire 3.1 miles of the course….again.  

She had considered and prayed about entering both races but felt that she had been duped into walking the entire course for TWO 5K walks against her will.  She did not agree to that level of activity…especially when it involved sweating  outdoors.

Hence her question:  Does God trick us?

As I asked God for help to answer her, I remembered an evening earlier in the summer.  My three year old nephew, Gunner, had come over for a visit.  I fed him the squeezable type of apple sauce that were similar to juice pouches.  He gasped quickly for air between deep inhales of  apple sauce.  I didn’t want him to get a tummy ache so I had to cut him off after 3.

The following week, I saw a facebook post from my sister.  The post was a picture of sweet little Gunner sucking down broccoli, pears and peas all in one squeezable pouch.  He was not a fan of the green vegetable variety normally.  On a plate, broccoli, peas or spinach might be sniffed or moved around but would remain untouched.  She had lovingly distracted him by packaging them in something that he had pleasant thoughts about-delicious and sweet apple sauce.  The veggies were spiked with a little pear so he inhaled the organic greens filled pouch with as much gusto as he had the apple sauce.   Did she trick him or did she wisely give him something that he needed to grow? 

My answer to Monica:  Trick or treat?  Neither.  God doesn't play games with our heart or trick us.  Our Spirit knows what we need to grow and to fulfill our destiny. God is a God of free will choice so he would not force us to do anything.  Sometimes our spirit, knowing our true heart’s desires and our destiny, will get us into situations that propel us forward, away from our fears, and into an adventure that we are completely dependent on God to carry us through.  Monica was quite literally “walking” in victory as she completed those two 3.1 mile courses.  He gives us our sweet apple sauce but sometimes He mixes it in with some peas.

After the second walk, Monica said, “You know that really wasn’t that hard.”  She had an overcoming attitude instead of being overwhelmed by the challenge.  I’m so proud of my sweet daughter.  She is growing stronger by the moment.  Spiritual peas are sometimes hard to swallow but they give us strength for the victory.

Pretend Prayers

“Let me know if you need prayer,” I would say.

Being on the prayer train & chain was where every  Christian should be, right? CHOO CHOO! Emails, text messages, the Celebrate Recovery program that I was in attracted and issued a lot of prayer requests. “Will you pray for my neighbor’s cat?” someone asked.

“Of  course, I will pray,” I would say again…and again…and again.  Oh I intended to. I wanted to but there were things holding me back.  

Top 5 reasons I didn’t pray for people as promised:

5. I didn’t possess the integrity and character it took to follow through with a promise.

4. I was a people pleaser and people love when you say you will pray for them.

3. Being a single mom, I spent most of my time working and taking care of my children. 

2. God was going to do what He wanted anyway.  

But the number 1 reason I didn’t pray:

1. I was scared to be alone with God.

I would try to sit still but it was like ants were in my pants.  I would suddenly remember the laundry mildewing in the washer or that I could email the person requesting prayers to let them know that I was, in fact, praying for them.   The truth was that my inner life was barren.  I worked really hard at making things look good on the outside by saying and doing the “right” things but I had no true intimacy with God.

My performance oriented thinking said that I had to bring something to the table in order  to have my requests heard.  I didn’t feel like anything that I brought was “enough.” I couldn’t pray long enough, hard enough, or have the right words to convince God to hear me.  I felt that I wasn’t worthy to be heard by such a BIG God.  The grace required to come boldly to Him was something that I did not know how to receive.

Now, I recognize that I can only receive His grace by coming naked and without merit.  It’s His grace that brings me into His presence.  Now, I talk to Him like a friend.  It's an honor to pray for those that He loves.  I know that I don’t have to have special words or do it the “right way.”  I can ask my Dad for what I need and entrust my request to Him. I have myself to offer Him-no good deeds, trophies, or being perfect will allow me to see Him face to face. Your struggle may be different.  You may  be challenged when it comes to tithing, trusting, or reading the bible but His grace is sufficient for your situation.  His grace holds us together.

Colossians 1:17 He himself existed before anything else did, and he holds all things together.

2 Corinthians 12:8-10 (msg ver) My grace is enough; it’s all you need.
My strength comes into its own in your weakness.

Once I heard that, I was glad to let it happen. I quit focusing on the handicap and began appreciating the gift. It was a case of Christ’s strength moving in on my weakness. Now I take limitations in stride, and with good cheer, these limitations that cut me down to size—abuse, accidents, opposition, bad breaks. I just let Christ take over! And so the weaker I get, the stronger I become.

Controlling Momma

My son and I were on our way to get his driving permit.  On our drive, we were talking about what our core values were in life and in relationships.  Of course, I brought this subject up. His dad wasn’t always around since we divorced when he was a baby.  He said that one of his core values was to be a good dad. We talked about being faithful, gentle, kind, loving, etc. I said that honesty was of the utmost importance to me.  I could handle anything, but do not lie.  I explained that God had rearranged and reprioritized my thinking on that though.  Number one was no longer truth or honesty, it was now love. I would destroy people with MY truth. Honesty without love is destructive... Jesus was the bridge to cross and reach God, not a bridge burner... Now I blow the enemy up with Gods love instead of forcing my truth down someone’s throat. I value truth, but I had to love God and then love my neighbor as myself first.  People can handle truth if they know they are loved first, and that takes time. 


Tanner responded to this conversation that sometimes it was best not to be honest, if it would hurt someone’s feelings. His example was: if someone was overweight and they asked you, you shouldn’t tell them the truth.  

As Tanner went up to get his picture made for his driver’s license picture, he asked me not to look because it made him laugh and he said he wasn’t going to smile. 

I said, “Please smile, Tanner. I will not look if you will smile.” 

He answered back, “Okay.”

My saying that I would not look if he would smile was manipulation.  As the lady handed him his temporary permit, I got a glimpse of a very grim and tough Tanner.  I asked him why he didn’t smile.  His answer: “I told you that I didn’t want to, and it is my permit.” 

If people feel like they need to lie, it might be because we are trying to control them.  They don’t feel that they can be honest with you.   

Now, there is the subject of authority, and it is not okay to be dishonest.  Was Tanner rebellious since I am his mother for not obeying me and smiling?  I love Watchman Nee.  He was imprisoned in a communist country.  He writes that you can have absolute honor for abusive, controlling or unjust authority, but only relative obedience.

Jesus died to set us free, but I want everyone to do what I want so I can feel safe and not be afraid.  Love is letting someone be who God created them to be through encouragement, financial support, and love or however the Holy Spirit leads us to! This is not fear-based control, manipulation, and then accusing those we are in authority over of being rebellious.  I can hear the “buts” from myself as I write.  The only BUT God gave me was that I was to trust my son without fear, let Tanner be who God created him to be and God will take care of  the outcome.  I am a steward of God's creation not a controller.

1 John 4:17-18 Message Version “God is love. When we take up permanent residence in a life of love, we live in God and God lives in us. This way, love has the run of the house, becomes at home and mature in us, so that we're free of worry on Judgment Day—our standing in the world is identical with Christ's. There is no room in love for fear. Well-formed love banishes fear. Since fear is crippling, a fearful life—fear of death, fear of judgment—is one not yet fully formed in love.”

Let’s be fully formed in His love and let Him have the run of our house.

A Doona From Down Under

I received an email today with some “Holy Humor.” Sunday after church, a Mom asked her very young daughter about the lesson.
The daughter  answered, "Don't be scared, you'll get your quilt."
Needless to say, the Mom was perplexed.  Later in the day, the pastor stopped by for tea and the Mom asked him what the morning's Sunday school lesson was about.
He said "Be not afraid, thy comforter is here."


Over the last few weeks God has been teaching me to rely on Him as my comforter through the Holy Spirit.  The Holy Spirit has been there to guide and counsel me but I didn’t allow myself to have a need for His comfort. John 14:16, 18 And I will pray to the Father, and he shall give you another Comforter, that He may abide with you forever;  I will not leave you comfortless: I will come to you.

At lifegroup, my friend Melinda said that she saw Jesus covering me with a comforter.  That evening my devotional talked about God wrapping me up in His peace like a warm blanket so that my heart would stay close to His.   Wow, blanket…comforter. God was being creative and clever with me because He knows that I love words.

He brought it all together when I went to an event to raise money for the A21 Campaign.  The campaign helps women who have had precious things stolen from them through human trafficking.  There were ways to donate to the cause by picking out an item to buy that would furnish their new facility in the Ukraine.  I picked up a tag that said “doona.”  I had no idea what a doona was but the price was exactly what I felt God wanted me to donate.  As I wrote my check out, I asked, “What is a doona anyway?”  I absolutely LOVE God… A doona is what the Aussies from down under call a “comforter.”  I felt like God said that I was purchasing a comforter but it represented much more.  He didn’t expect this woman, who had endured hell on earth, to suck it up and deal with the fact that she had been abused every day of her captivity too many times to count.   The comforter symbolized Him wrapping His big arms around her and enveloping her with His love and comfort. He wanted to hold her and whisper in her ear, “It’s all going to be okay.  I’m with you.”

Sometimes I convince myself that I don’t need comfort because I know how much God loves me.  However, the thing called LOVE can be messy. We can’t walk in love and keep the door to our heart closed. To give and receive love, requires an open heart. There are no bullet-proof vests for our heart because that would restrict the flow of His love to others.  We have to be childlike in our walk of faith and love.  This means that I don’t automatically have a good comeback and I don’t have a weapon to fire back at someone when their words or actions cut me.  My weapon is love and believing the best…in spite of the bad behavior.  Sometimes I get smacked with unkind words and I’m expected to NOT defend myself.  Bridget Jones’ Diary talks about “jellyfish” comments.  The sarcastic ones where you don’t know you were insulted until they have walked away. Wow!  That has happened to me quite a few times.  “I like that shirt but I would never wear it.”  What do you say to that but ouch!

I’m not saying you don’t guard your heart to repeat offenders or open yourself up to continual wounding without boundaries. The unfortunate part of life is that sometimes the enemy uses those closest to us to wound,  especially if they have perceived an offense from US.

God wants to be our God of justice, to right the wrongs in our life, but we can convince ourselves that we need to be in charge. Isaiah 30:18
“Yet the LORD longs to be gracious to you; he rises to show you compassion. For the LORD is a God of justice. Blessed are all who wait for him!”

Here are two scenarios in which I am in charge:

Scenario A.  I force myself to submit to punishment and be a doormat.  I feel like I HAVE to forgive….that it’s not a choice or a gift that I am able to give from my heart in obedience to Jesus….This scenario means that I leave God out of the picture to be my comforter and my defender and I swallow my hurt.

Scenario B. I fight all my own battles.  I am kicking butt and taking names. Nobody puts Jennifer in a corner.

I’ve walked on both sides of the fence.  Pre-Jesus I was definitely scenario B…and the B might stand for another little word we all know.  I was a Big B! If you crossed me get ready for it because I would rip you apart with my words. I NEVER cried and I said it with pride! I went through three divorces and never shed a tear!  Now I cry almost daily but it is because my heart is open and soft to the things of God. 

I experienced scenario A after I surrendered to Jesus, I knew that I could not continue being so cold hearted. As a Christian, I thought that you had to be a doormat with no power or protection. If they want your shirt then you have to give them your coat too.  If they slap you, turn the other cheek and let them slap you again.  These things are true and written in His wonderful Word but they, again, leave Jesus out of the picture if it isn’t from the heart and through direction from the Holy Spirit.  With Jesus, things aren’t taken from you or done to you through abuse but GIVEN by choice… Remember Jesus knew where He came from and where He was going so He WILLINGLY laid His life down as a servant to wash the disciples feet.  No man TOOK His life.  He GAVE it as a sacrifice of love on the cross for you and for me. (John 10:18 and John 13:3-5)

Here's another scenario that I now prefer:  Let Him comfort and be my God of justice! I can cry out to Jesus and be real about my pain in our intimate relationship.  No, I don’t call everyone and whine or gossip everytime someone hurts my feelings.  When I am hurt, I fall and cry at His feet.  He longs to be my comforter and my defender. He is my strength and my shield.  He fights my battles for me.  Exodus 14:14 “The LORD will fight for you, and you have only to be silent.”  I love the message version of that scripture:  “God will fight the battle for you. And you? You keep your mouths shut!  Isaiah 54:17 says “No weapon formed against you shall prosper, And every tongue which rises against you in judgment You shall condemn. This is the heritage of the servants of the LORD, 
And their righteousness is FROM ME,” Says the LORD.” 

I feel our relationship grow in intimacy as I trust Him with my heart.  He is a defender of the weak.  Sometimes I don’t know how to receive His comfort!  To receive His comfort, I don’t have to be strong or have it all figured out.  Honestly, to cry makes me feel helpless and it’s uncomfortable for me not to be in control of myself…like I should have the answer because I have Jesus but He tells me I am a High Priest who understands your weaknesses.  When I am weak with Him it allows Him to be strong in me. 

He's got a doona for you too!  Your comforter is here! You only have to receive it as a gift from the Holy Spirit.  


Response and testimony to the blog from my friend, Nancy Cave.  I think some might relate to this testimony!


This was so good and and such truth. I am so glad you wrote about this. This subject is so dear to my heart because I too had to let the Holy Spirit graciously teach me how to forgive, heal, and not keep a record of wrong through the power of His Spirit, not my own.  Not that I have it all together even now, but He has taught me how to recognize the signs when I begin to fall back into my old way of stuffing it down as a good Christian, rather than allowing The Comforter to take care of it by comforting my pain or hurt first, then letting the healing process begin. Sometimes it is very quick, sometimes it takes more time. That is okay because He knows my heart...I desire to walk in His love, compassion and forgiveness with no records of wrong against anyone. He takes care of the rest because He truly knows me inside and out.  About the crying, I was the opposite. I cried at the drop of a hat. Two reasons.  One, I had so much hurt, pain and rejection stored up inside me and so fearful of standing my ground on anything. I didn't even know who "me" was...if that makes any sense, but it is true. Two, because I had such mercy and compassion that it was out of balance with the other stuff in my life. God spared my life because I did cry so much! I was so suicidal and hated myself so much that if I did not cry and release some of the pain I would never have survived to enjoy my children and grandchildren. That is why I always share that tears are healing and to never be ashamed of them. They are a sign, provided by Jesus, for healing and ministering, to your very deepest emotional needs. Whether it is unforgiveness, pain, anger, or whatever...He is taking care of it and washing it away. Sometimes little  by little and sometimes,like a flood, it is all washed away at once. But, as you said the Comforter is here "to comfort" if we will just welcome Him with open arms and heart rather than saying "I already took care of it, I'm okay now I gave it to God." This is happens so many times, then... it crops up again.  This is what the Lord spoke to me a few years back about a certain incident ... ME: Lord, I don't understand why this keeps coming up, i forgave this incident. What is going on? LORD: I remember you saying that to yourself...but I don't remember you taking time to talk to me about it . If you will sit before me and take the time to ask me about it, we will get to the heart of the matter. I will show you things and then you will forgive completely, because you came "through" me. The hurt will be healed, and what caused it to hurt so deeply. That is when I realized I had stepped into the "being a good Christian and finding forgiveness and healing in my own power" rather than His power. I needed to follow His process of forgiveness and healing and allow Him to comfort me during those times...which means giving Him the time and opportunity to do it His way, not mine. A quick fix is just that, it is a surface fix. The Comforter covers us with the warmth of His love that we feel from the depths of our very being.  It is complete.  


Sorry, about how long this is but I love your transparent heart. This will draw so many people to you that you will be able to minister freedom to their hearts. The Lord is doing so much in our lives.  by Nancy Cave

I Got You

I went rock climbing with my adventurous and fearless friends one afternoon. Sounds dangerous, huh? Well, we were climbing at an indoor (safe) and air conditioned (comfy) facility. There is still an element of danger and fear since, at points, you are dangling in mid-air by a rope. There is a system in place that is, well, idiot proof for which my friend, Laura, was very thankful. Her life was in my hands since I was her "belayer". To belay simply means to cause to stop or to secure by keeping the slack out of the rope. If they fall, they won't fall far. You are their human anchor. Laura took her first tentative step on the wall. Before she took her other foot off the ground, she looked over her shoulder suspiciously with a face that said, "I'm trusting HER with my life?" I said, with a force behind it that apparently sounded assuring, "I got you." And up she went like a pro! She never looked back. That's trust!

I've realized recently that I have difficulty trusting in God's goodness. I'm afraid He will drop me or those that I love. What if I don't check on my son before I go to bed? What if my husband didn't mean "til death do us part?" What if the other driver veers into my lane? What if we can't pay our bills in this economy? Why did God not punish the person who hurt me? Why did I have a car accident? Why does my child have asthma? There's a song by Elvis that goes like this, "We can't go on together with suspicious minds." Questioning=Crazy-making! I call it being "hyper-vigilant" with a flair for attention to detail. Others, who aren't in awe of my ability to run the world, call it controlling...fearful. Honestly, we can't control much in our life-not even ourselves sometimes. If I have to go to the bathroom then I have to go. You can only hold it for so long and it needs to be sooner rather than later. Since we don't have control, we have to learn to trust God. He is our anchor. Some of us don't have a concept of trust because the person that was supposed to love, protect and care for us "dropped us" accidentally or intentionally.

 My thought life represent an internal struggle between fear and faith. Trusting God looks like this: My daughter has not called me back in an hour. I can assume she's busy and God is taking care of her. Fear says she's lying somewhere bleeding in a ditch, possibly in a coma...SILLY :)  but even sillier is that I have no peace until I hear from her. Trust means that because a friend doesn't return an email the same day that I rest knowing that I am always loved perfectly by my Father in heaven. Fear questions, "Why won't she email me back? Now, let me dissect our last conversation." If my day goes poorly then trust allows me to know that I am still loved and cherished. Fear implies that I am out of His will and need to work harder to "be good."

Does all this internal drama sound like child-like faith to you? or rest? It is distracting and steals a lot of my day and my peace. This is my life and these are my struggles but what area do you need to lay at His feet...and leave there? Your children, worry, making things happen in your own strength? If it's not faith, hope, or love then it's not God.

"Deuteronomy 1:29-33 I tried to relieve your fears: "Don't be terrified of them. God, your God, is leading the way; he's fighting for you. You saw with your own eyes what he did for you in Egypt; you saw what he did in the wilderness, how God, your God, carried you as a father carries his child, carried you the whole way until you arrived here. But now that you're here, you won't trust God, your God—this same God who goes ahead of you in your travels to scout out a place to pitch camp, a fire by night and a cloud by day to show you the way to go.   Those are God's words. Jennifer's interpretation, "I got you. I won't let you fall." Wayne Jacobsen's book "He Loves Me!" uses an example that he calls "Daisy Petal Christianity." We pick, petal by petal, saying "I got a raise. He loves me....I let my anger get the best of me. He loves me not!" We need a real and deep revelation of the Father's love to know that "He loves me all the way, all the time because that is what He is like." ~Graham Cooke.

He knows we're screwed up. If you read this and identify with it then don't allow the enemy to twist things. We can't change ourselves but Jesus can transform us! He died for you to feel His love. His great sacrifice on the cross still speaks over you saying "O what love. No greater love. Grace, how can it be? That in my sin, YES, EVEN THEN He shed His blood for me." (O The Blood by Gateway Worship) Ask Him to do it for you and I'm asking God to impart to us all a new, fresh and REAL revelation of the Father's love...His love might come through a smile from a stranger, a rainbow, your favorite song on the radio....so extend your faith and be looking for it!

1 John 3:1 How great is the love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are!

HE'S GOT YOU!


 A free download of Wayne Jacoben's book called "He Loves Me!" can be found by clicking on the first edition, free copy here: http://www.lifestream.org/waynes-books.php?bid=5 If you want to listen to a song that inspired the title then follow the link: www.youtube.com/watch?v=psIfrJ210Ds