Controlling Momma

My son and I were on our way to get his driving permit.  On our drive, we were talking about what our core values were in life and in relationships.  Of course, I brought this subject up. His dad wasn’t always around since we divorced when he was a baby.  He said that one of his core values was to be a good dad. We talked about being faithful, gentle, kind, loving, etc. I said that honesty was of the utmost importance to me.  I could handle anything, but do not lie.  I explained that God had rearranged and reprioritized my thinking on that though.  Number one was no longer truth or honesty, it was now love. I would destroy people with MY truth. Honesty without love is destructive... Jesus was the bridge to cross and reach God, not a bridge burner... Now I blow the enemy up with Gods love instead of forcing my truth down someone’s throat. I value truth, but I had to love God and then love my neighbor as myself first.  People can handle truth if they know they are loved first, and that takes time. 


Tanner responded to this conversation that sometimes it was best not to be honest, if it would hurt someone’s feelings. His example was: if someone was overweight and they asked you, you shouldn’t tell them the truth.  

As Tanner went up to get his picture made for his driver’s license picture, he asked me not to look because it made him laugh and he said he wasn’t going to smile. 

I said, “Please smile, Tanner. I will not look if you will smile.” 

He answered back, “Okay.”

My saying that I would not look if he would smile was manipulation.  As the lady handed him his temporary permit, I got a glimpse of a very grim and tough Tanner.  I asked him why he didn’t smile.  His answer: “I told you that I didn’t want to, and it is my permit.” 

If people feel like they need to lie, it might be because we are trying to control them.  They don’t feel that they can be honest with you.   

Now, there is the subject of authority, and it is not okay to be dishonest.  Was Tanner rebellious since I am his mother for not obeying me and smiling?  I love Watchman Nee.  He was imprisoned in a communist country.  He writes that you can have absolute honor for abusive, controlling or unjust authority, but only relative obedience.

Jesus died to set us free, but I want everyone to do what I want so I can feel safe and not be afraid.  Love is letting someone be who God created them to be through encouragement, financial support, and love or however the Holy Spirit leads us to! This is not fear-based control, manipulation, and then accusing those we are in authority over of being rebellious.  I can hear the “buts” from myself as I write.  The only BUT God gave me was that I was to trust my son without fear, let Tanner be who God created him to be and God will take care of  the outcome.  I am a steward of God's creation not a controller.

1 John 4:17-18 Message Version “God is love. When we take up permanent residence in a life of love, we live in God and God lives in us. This way, love has the run of the house, becomes at home and mature in us, so that we're free of worry on Judgment Day—our standing in the world is identical with Christ's. There is no room in love for fear. Well-formed love banishes fear. Since fear is crippling, a fearful life—fear of death, fear of judgment—is one not yet fully formed in love.”

Let’s be fully formed in His love and let Him have the run of our house.