Pretend Prayers

“Let me know if you need prayer,” I would say.

Being on the prayer train & chain was where every  Christian should be, right? CHOO CHOO! Emails, text messages, the Celebrate Recovery program that I was in attracted and issued a lot of prayer requests. “Will you pray for my neighbor’s cat?” someone asked.

“Of  course, I will pray,” I would say again…and again…and again.  Oh I intended to. I wanted to but there were things holding me back.  

Top 5 reasons I didn’t pray for people as promised:

5. I didn’t possess the integrity and character it took to follow through with a promise.

4. I was a people pleaser and people love when you say you will pray for them.

3. Being a single mom, I spent most of my time working and taking care of my children. 

2. God was going to do what He wanted anyway.  

But the number 1 reason I didn’t pray:

1. I was scared to be alone with God.

I would try to sit still but it was like ants were in my pants.  I would suddenly remember the laundry mildewing in the washer or that I could email the person requesting prayers to let them know that I was, in fact, praying for them.   The truth was that my inner life was barren.  I worked really hard at making things look good on the outside by saying and doing the “right” things but I had no true intimacy with God.

My performance oriented thinking said that I had to bring something to the table in order  to have my requests heard.  I didn’t feel like anything that I brought was “enough.” I couldn’t pray long enough, hard enough, or have the right words to convince God to hear me.  I felt that I wasn’t worthy to be heard by such a BIG God.  The grace required to come boldly to Him was something that I did not know how to receive.

Now, I recognize that I can only receive His grace by coming naked and without merit.  It’s His grace that brings me into His presence.  Now, I talk to Him like a friend.  It's an honor to pray for those that He loves.  I know that I don’t have to have special words or do it the “right way.”  I can ask my Dad for what I need and entrust my request to Him. I have myself to offer Him-no good deeds, trophies, or being perfect will allow me to see Him face to face. Your struggle may be different.  You may  be challenged when it comes to tithing, trusting, or reading the bible but His grace is sufficient for your situation.  His grace holds us together.

Colossians 1:17 He himself existed before anything else did, and he holds all things together.

2 Corinthians 12:8-10 (msg ver) My grace is enough; it’s all you need.
My strength comes into its own in your weakness.

Once I heard that, I was glad to let it happen. I quit focusing on the handicap and began appreciating the gift. It was a case of Christ’s strength moving in on my weakness. Now I take limitations in stride, and with good cheer, these limitations that cut me down to size—abuse, accidents, opposition, bad breaks. I just let Christ take over! And so the weaker I get, the stronger I become.