When it Hurts to Trust God

A girlfriend and I decided to do a “vision board” Think New Years resolutions church-ed up. I prayed about what I wanted to accomplish for the year. What dreams did I have in my heart? What plans did God have for me and my family? #dreamingwithGod

One of the items that made the cut from my heavenly CEO for 2015:

“GIVE MORE THAN EVER”

fine print: (I also heard “simplify” but that didn’t sound like fun so He might not have said it;)

I typed up my list and created a vision board. I proudly displayed it so I could look at it every day and stay focused! That goal meant our income would stay steady or increase to allow us to GIVE MORE THAN EVER. Yay, God! Woo hoo!

It must have been opposite year because that.did.not.happen. In 2015, our funds dried up. The bulk of our income flowed from oil and gas wells. Instead of gusher oil wells, we had drippers…slow slow drippers and dry holes. Accounting adjustments were made NOT in our favor.

A lot of our months, were truly in the red if you took the $ we lost or borrowed to meet our bills. Still when we received our paychecks, we would give our pittance of a tithe, give to the orphans, giving to end human trafficking.

Some little miracle would always come through but it wasn’t a divine rescue, it was selling something, a loan or credit card advance which brought us further into debt. My husband sold guns and his super cool truck, we put the kids on an extreme budget, forget about shopping. #couponclipping We could not continue to borrow. The B word came to my mind… and not the one people use to describe kindly assertive women ;) What if it came to that? No but what else could we do with the mounting debts…but hang on another month and be obedient to God.

In previous years, our accountant would remark how much we gave away: You guys are really generous. I have a few charities if you need some names.… ;) Now, we couldn’t even pay him :(

Like the Israelites at the Red Sea with Egyptians bankers on our back, we begged the Red Sea to part so we wouldn’t drown in the debt…

I encouraged myself and gave thanks. This process brought my husband and I closer than ever and what we’ve lost: it’s just stuff! my family WAS doing so well relationally and healthwise. I lived in a trailer when I was little so I knew we would be all right no matter what #everythingisagiftfromGod #praiseHimandfindjoy

I looked at my vision board. There was undeniable fruit on some of the items listed:

Friendships: Check

Family unity: Leaps and bounds growth

Organized mind and house: yup!

Thank you, God!

I came to GIVE MORE THAN EVER

Had we failed? Had God? Were we disobedient? Was there some open door for the enemy to steal from us? Did God really even want that on my vision board? This is NOT the abundant life.

I busted out crying.

We had given LESS $ than we ever had in years past and we would finish out the year without the breakthrough we had been hoping and praying for.

I went into my closet and laid on my face before God and sobbed. I’m so sorry. I let you down or maybe you let me down or maybe we made bad decisions. I just don’t understand. I finally quieted and asked God what He had to say. He answered me immediately. He said: You gave all you had…even when it hurt to give, you gave. In the past, you gave out of your abundance. This year you have GIVEN MORE THAN EVER. This year giving cost you something.

I was like hey, i think that's actually in the bible somewhere #thankGodforgoogle:  

Mark 12:44 Jesus sat down near the collection box…Many rich people put in large amounts. Then a poor widow came and dropped in two small coins. For they gave a tiny part of their surplus, but she, poor as she is, HAS GIVEN EVERYTHING she had to live on.”

David said that he would not present the Lord offerings that cost him nothing. (2Sam.24:24)

We have in no way suffered as some have for their faith! But this is a small testimony of how things aren’t always as they seem when we do struggle and suffer or when our reality doesn’t always line up as we THINK it should. It looks like we are failing or losing, when we are, in fact, winning and right in the center of God’s will. HE’S WORTH IT. I wouldn’t trade this season for the perspective I gained.

For the sick: your faith is being grown so His resurrection power flows through you.

If you are waiting year after year for your spouse, God has a love story unlike any other for YOU!

If you are waiting for a child, God will send you a little Samuel (or Samantha;) who will hear the voice of God clearly(1Sam.1)

If you are serving others and seem to be passed over for promotion, you are a Joseph type leader in the making (Gen.41).

Whatever promise you are waiting to see fulfilled: God’s kingdom means our FAITH MUST BE TESTED BEFORE WE RECEIVE THE PROMISE. The only thing that can keep you from your promise is if you turn your back on God and GIVE UP. DON’T! LOOK TO HIM ALONE AND NOT OTHERS AS YOUR ANSWER! Pour your heart out to Him-cry, shout, yell at Him. Be authentic but stay connected to God. Keep fighting the good fight of faith.

James 1:12  Happy is the person who can hold up under the trials of life. At the right time, he’ll know God’s sweet approval and will be crowned with life. As God has promised, the crown awaits all who love Him.

The day the big bald dude got arrested on my flight

Our crew was deadheading (flying as a passenger) to work a flight out of Florida.  I was assigned a window seat and I prefer the aisle.  I feel trapped by the window and I have a mommy bladder so don’t want to inconvenience everyone with my “scuse me…pardon me…sorry, yes, i have to go.  yes, now… so I asked the gate agent, “Do you have an exit row seat, bulkhead or aisle or better yet first class?” “Nope, we are completely full.  Every other seat is already taken.”

Carrie, another flight attendant on my crew, and I boarded the airplane early and got situated (I’ll call Carrie since I didn’t ask her permission to write about her)  She and I were on the same row.  She was on the aisle and I was at the window.  A big bald tattoo guy does the scuse me/pardon me/sorry drill with us because he’s situated in the dreaded middle seat- right between us.  Poor big old bear of a guy.  His long legs were twisted uncomfortably under the seat in front of him.  He held his thick fully tattooed arms straight in front of him like we had cooties but really i think out of respect for our space and his own.   #muchappreciated  He had his hands placed as if they were shackled and I found out later maybe they were.

Carrie started chatting with him.  “Would you like my aisle seat?”  “Nah,” he said graciously.  I was thinking, “I’ll take it”  :)   She then asked him how his day was going.  Not too great.  He had missed his earlier flight and had been sitting in the airport for several hours waiting on this overly full flight.  He barely got on.  He was trying to get to Florida to visit his niece and sister.  He talked about how he was once close with his niece but now that she was 12, he didn’t really know how to interact with her.  She wasn’t a little girl but growing into a woman and her dad wasn’t in her life. 

I had an inkling God had set all this up.  I shared that this was a critical time in his niece’s life.  As the only male role model in her life, if he didn’t pursue her and treat her like a princess, then she would get attention elsewhere and maybe God placed him in her life for this reason…to show a Father’s love to her.  I felt like that was a message that I really needed to deliver and I did so  CHECK MARK, God.  Done! so now I’m going to sleepy night night on my window seat so I won’t think about going to the bathroom…but God had other plans.    

When I mentioned God, he winced so I asked him.  It doesn’t seem like you believe and I’m completely okay with that.  I had a clue with the demons that were snaking down his arms that was the case ;)  I think he was normally a man of few words but God’s peace had loosened his tongue for that flight…. He shared that he respected people who did believe but he didn’t share in that faith then he told me point blank, “I have a problem with God.  If he is so good and if He IS real then why is there so much suffering?  Why doesn’t he stop it?”

I didn’t know what to say and that is when I am SO thankful for the Holy Spirit and the wisdom that comes through that Spirit that lives in me.  Why DOES God allow so much suffering?  There’s so much evil in this world.   

I shared that God left this world under our control and we’ve really f-ed it up but we have His power if we ask for it.  Just like you with your niece.  It wasn’t God’s plan for her dad to abandon her - that was his choice - but then she has you and you can choose to love her, cherish her, treat her like a father would.  You can protect and show her how a man should treat her some day.   Your love, if you choose to show it, will alter the destiny of her life.  If you don’t then that will change the outcome in her life. The responsibility to bring love, peace, power is given to US by God.   He values our choice so strongly to love Him and others that He won’t take that choice away.  So when we ask God, why do you allow so much suffering?  Why is there so much evil? We really need to be asking ourselves, why do we allow it?  We can make a difference to the people God places in our lives.  We can’t save the world but we can bring love to those He places in our path.

All of that talking had exhausted my bladder so I did the scuse me/pardon me.  While I was away, I felt like God gave me an interpretation for his tattoos so I shared what I felt like the Holy Spirit showed me about the star on his wrist and the demons complete with horns running down inked down his arms.  He was a warrior who had authority over the enemy.   He could see the demons of the world and God had placed him as a protector of life. He had battled with the devil and overcome his own demons.  The half naked lady on his arm represented a love lost but if he would ask God to bring His love to him, she would.    He didn’t tell me whether I was right on or completely off but he did nod several times.  

A couple of things I learned:

Our inconvenience, like mine with being shoved in a window seat on a crowded airplane, may be because God has intentionally set us up to interact with others and share His truth and love.  I could get pissy or look for God’s goodness in that situation. 

The other flight attendant, Carrie, loved Jesus too.  God placed him smack dab in the middle of His love in us so he could get an answer to this guy’s beef with him.   I know God was working on this guy’s heart.  God had “arrested” this guy by his two flight attendants who fly the friendly skies… I had the impression that God’s words and love had set him free that day and taken the shackles off his hands…that he would fulfill his destiny of being a protector of women and God would bring him someone to love and be loved by.  Look for opportunities like this today.  The Holy Spirit will make your words like arrows that hit the intended target.   

Taken-the movie I NEVER want to see again

When i started my 3 day fast, I felt like I was inserted straight into one of the the Taken movies. 

God:  “Now listen to me carefully.  You're going to be taken. Yell everything you can about them.”  

HUNGER!  CONSTANT DISCOMFORT, HEADACHE!  I THREW UP!  I AM MAD AT EVERYONE.  I will throat punch anyone that crosses me. In fact, I want to ram this Girl Scout cookie car in front of me. SO TIRED I WOULD EAT MY BIBLE RIGHT NOW IF I COULD 

Sure, I'd fasted before...a one day fast here and there, cutting out sweets, doing raw foods, or 3 days with juice only.  The Daniel fast compared to a 3 day water only fast is like Arnold Schwarzenegger not on steroids… puny…but NEVER a 3 day NO food fast. I knew He was asking me to do this fast. He had confirmed it too many times and in too many ways for me to ignore Him. However, I was not prepared for what ensued. 

It started out pretty rough when I didn’t drink water for the first 27 hours...

Day 2 was HELL. Taken indeed.  I know that seems dramatic but read on.

On Day 2, I started running a fever with the chills.  I mean that is NOT normal for a fast but it was like He was detoxing me.  I begged him to release me early.  He wouldn't want me to suffer so. I felt from the beginning that even though I thought this was a sacrifice for Him, I knew He was healing me.  I was hostage to my hunger.  It was bad.  Real bad. I knew it when I found 3 almonds in the bottom of my purse covered with lint and looked at them longingly before I grudgingly threw them in the trash.   

I looked to His written words for answers (ways I could get out of the Fast Free Card). He showed me clearly: NOPE you are not to eat.  I mean there's not a whole lot in the Good Book about God calling someone to a fast and saying never mind, sweetie , it's too hard. 

In fact, heres the scripture He led me to…twice.  “If you faint in the day of adversity, your strength is small.” Prov.24:10

Kind of rude to show me that one when I was puking my guts out but He was like a doctor giving me chemo. Yes, it would make me sick but it would kill the things that were holding me and my family back. He’s changing something in me.  My DNA is reflecting His image and removing toxins. And it wasn't just about me. My son had been sick and my best friend had a recent diagnosis. I was praying for many areas of breakthrough. 

I knew all this but I was still MISERABLE!  I started trying to make deals, God, I'll give my left arm for a saltine cracker right now. Just one single saltine cracker will give me the strength to continue on and faint not.   While I am whining  Liam Neeson, I mean God, is working to set me free from all that entangles me spiritually.  He can do this because A. He’s my Dad and B. I am praying.  I am crying out to Him. showing all of the spiritual realm that I want Him more than anything here on this earth.  He is moving heaven and earth to fill me with His goodness in that empty place called my stomach I have made available to Him. God told me to write down my requests and I asked for the deepest desires of my heart.  He is our living water and our bread of life. Anytime we suffer, there is a glory that comes to our lives that couldn't be achieved without it. 

In Taken, there are twists and turns before the rescue but the rescue will come. Our pain is not forever. Tune back in for Taken 2 if I ever decide to try this fasting stunt again.  Not even considering it at this current movie.  You know movies can be overdone.  Stop with the first one, am I right?  Sounds cliche-But I guess if God calls you to it, He will get you through it!

Stranger Danger Love

What do you get the person who has everything?  How about a stranger…what do you get them?   A whole lot of nothing, right?  but what if God is sending you on a stranger danger mission just like He did His disciples.

“…the Lord… sent them two by two…He told them, “The harvest is plentiful, but the workers are few…Go! I am sending you out like lambs among wolves. (Lk 10:1-3)

My daughter and I had plans for a Saturday morning brunch date last weekend. We both thought God might be sending us on one of His special missions…to some strangers who needed to be encouraged. I thought about how we might be able to plant seeds of His love in their hearts.  The night before our little date, I hammered some metal necklaces with words that said different things like “Brave” and “Joy” I also brought a pen and a few cards to write on to deliver messages of His love.  

We prayed about where to go.  Monica’s boyfriend asked if we were going to Old West.  No, why? Ugggg…Not exactly on my Christmas diet plan (ha!) and that place is always so crowded on the weekends but we asked the Holy Spirit and both of us felt led to go there.   Maybe God would put us right at the front of the line since we were on HIS special mission. UMMM no that didn’t happen. We waited for 30 minutes for our table (grrrrrrr i DO NOT like waiting for my food) but I prayed for manna from heaven to sustain me during the wait. JK I was pretty grouchy and whined a little bit.  Okay, I whined a lot.

We were seated and immediately Monica said she felt like we needed to write a card for the young 20 something couple at the table next to us.   Monica felt like God said they were a “power couple” They were like peanut butter and jelly, ice and tea :) both very different but they were made for each other.  They knew they were on the same team and worked well together :)  We wrote it all down.  I also felt like God said the young lady would have two kids and not to listen to any bad reports because it would all be fine!  but I prayed and God said don’t write that so I kept mum on the subject of her being a mom ;)  Then, I nominated Monica ;) to give the card to them so she boldly did.

I watched on and asked God why He would tell me about her two babies but not allow me to deliver such a message. I prayed for her and the two little ones that would one day be hers and felt peace.  The thing about me that I don’t get is my ability to pray for babies protection and they live and for pregnant mommas to deliver happy, healthy babies.  I am THE LAST PERSON IN THIS WORLD WHO SHOULD BE ABLE TO DO THAT.  After two abortions, why would God choose me to flow this most precious gift through?  Shouldn’t it be some perfect mother or woman who values life so greatly that she would never think to do such a thing?  But, hey, I’m not going to question it.  I’m just going to do it.  It’s called GRACE.  He says, “My grace is enough; it’s all you need. My strength comes into its own in your weakness. Once I heard that, I was glad to let it happen. I quit focusing on the handicap and began appreciating the gift. It was a case of Christ’s strength moving in on my weakness.” (1Cor 12:9-10)  Wherever the enemy hits us hardest is where we carry His power and His grace. 

So I wasn’t surprised when our waitress just so happened to be a girl that I prayed for her when she was pregnant at a different restaurant 5 years earlier :)  HA!  So a necklace went to her… along with a big Christmas tip from Jesus :)

Then the young couple we had given the card to came over as they were leaving.  They happened to go to our church :)  They explained how God brought them to Old West and it was clear to them now why-they had too much to do that day, his mom had made breakfast and he never passes up a meal but they both still wanted to go to Old West and it didn't make sense but NOW IT DID!  

During this conversation, God said I could FINALLY  tell her about the two kids He had in the works  for her. If she was ever afraid, not to worry-all would be okay.  She said you have no idea but that is my greatest fear and has been all my life… I am so afraid of being pregnant and giving birth.  WOW!  God is good.  He planted a seed of peace in her heart through this word for when the time was right!  We found out later this sweet young couple were so sweet to pay our bill!  SNEAKY!  But thats how God works.  He blesses us and then we get to bless others! 

We were about to leave and I had one necklace left. I felt like one of the necklaces and words were for a single older lady who had lost someone dear to them and would be alone this Christmas but I didn’t see anyone that fit that description.  We were about to leave when lo and behold an older lady sat down all by her lonesome at the table next to us!  WOAH.  I couldn’t believe it!  We felt like little love fairies sprinkling God’s love all over the people around us! 

God sends us to bring good news and encourage others. He commands us to GO! To reach those He loves.  We teach our kids “stranger danger” but God says that even though we may be lambs among wolves, He will protect us.  Jesus said, “During my time here, I protected them by the power of the name you gave me. I guarded them so that not one was lost…I'm not asking you to take them out of the world, but to keep them safe from the evil one.” (Jn. 17:12,15)  He will protect you as you love on His peeps!   The people around you are not strangers to their Father in heaven.  He knows them each by name…He knows the number of babies He has waiting on them, the hairs on their head and not one of them falls without Him knowing and caring.  They are His children who He loves dearly and wants to speak to…THROUGH YOU!

People, even stranger-danger kind of people, may seem like they have everything money can buy but one thing we can never have enough of is God’s love.  

And may you have the power to understand, as all God's people should, how wide, how long, how high, and how deep his love is. May you experience the love of Christ, though it is too great to understand fully. Then you will be made complete with all the fullness of life and power that comes from God.Eph 3:18-19)

So what’s stopping you from allowing God to share this amazing love through you?  You might think,  “I don’t even know where to start.  HOW would I do this?” Thanks for being such an involved audience with all the great questions ;) 

It’s easy!  Ask Him and God will create the opportunity and bring the people to YOU just like He did for us!

You might not be crafty…you might be really shy…  

so what if you bought someones meal like the couple did for us with a little note with your favorite scripture on it?  It’s easy.  Something so simple can show and flow His love through you!  Will you do it?  Isaiah 6:8 Then I heard the Lord asking, “Whom should I send as a messenger to this people? Who will go for us?”

I said, “Here I am. Send me.”

All it takes is a willing heart! Do one simple act of love for a stranger today :)  

Don't Go Breaking My Heart-Actually Go Ahead

I went through deaths in the family, divorces, 2 abortions, hurts in life and never shed a single tear. #canyousayhardhearted Then, eleven years ago, I met God one night when I was all alone and quite honestly losing it... and He gave me peace. True peace. No doubt it’s been a battle to remain in that peace. Trusting Him, I have allowed my heart to “wake up” to feelings and not shut down... To be fully alive, fully engaged and aware. God wants our hearts soft. It didn’t overwhelm me like I thought it would either...allowing my heart to be tender…it opened my heart to Him…to hear His voice and want to listen and follow it! it made me feel compassion and love for others. Having a heart that functions as intended is the only way to REALLY live. #dontsleepwalkthroughlife #askGodtosoftenyourheart #beingtoughisoverrated #openmyheart

"And I will give you a new heart, and I will put a new spirit in you. I will take out your stony, stubborn heart and give you a tender, responsive heart." Ez.36:26

Sunshine Girl

Sunshine Girl

In Tulsa, one of my favorite places since my son is so near to it now that he’s in college.  I called Tanner to see if he had time for lunch but it was his busy day.  I was a little sad thinking God had given me this “surprise” reserve trip to Tulsa to see him.  I wanted to call him back and say, “I know you are going to eat lunch and I’m willing to drive all this way” but that would be playing wounded mommy and honestly God is working on me to not make things “about me” #soTannersloss ;)

I decided to go to my favorite place to write: Foolish Things, a really cool hipster coffee shop.  I’m not hipster by birth but I know a little of the language and can grow a beard if I want…on my legs ;)  God usually sits my divine appointments right in front of  me so I looked up.  A tatted up girl with a pretty low cut shirt was sitting directly across from me.   I truly truly love being around people who don’t fit what everyone thinks is God’s mold (they can be SO WRONG).  Even Jesus has a tat:  “On his robe and on his thigh he has this name written: King of kings and Lord of lords.” (Rev.19:16)   

I started to pray for this young woman.  I asked God if He wanted to say something.  I felt led to silently pray for her and not talk to her.   I asked God to allow her to feel His presence and know His love.  Anything else, God?  I still heard nothing and at that moment she got up and left.  God, did I miss an opportunity?  In my mind I saw the tattoos that snaked down her arms.  Have you ever met someone that had an old boyfriend’s unwanted name tattooed on them?  I felt like God was coming in through my prayers and covering her old life and loves.  Getting “inked” can be painful but little by little she would be marked with the love of her Father.   Instead of a snake He was covering her with a garden of flowers. I felt like the prayers were like little splashes of paint on a new masterpiece of a tattoo.   The brief prayer to me meant little by little as she could handle the healing of the wounds of her heart.   The masterpiece of a tattoo He was creating for this beautiful girl couldn’t be completed in one day though so my little, and what felt to me as insignificant prayer, was enough for her for that day.  

Immediately, an adorable little sweetheart of a girl came and sat in tat girl’s seat.  Once again, God’s angels had brought the next object of his affection to sit across from me.   I felt like a tattoo artist.  Next up! 

She was such a sunshine girl.  Her smile radiated and glowed.  The glory of the Lord was upon her.   I could feel it.  I’m always a little at a loss on how to get the ball rolling with “God talks.”  I had to go pee (#tmi) so a lightbulb went off.  “Hey, can you watch my computer?”

“Sure. No problem.”

When I came back, I was still at a loss for words and wasn’t feeling some divine epiphany or prophetic word so I asked her if she was having a good day.  

“Yeah.  It’s great.”

“Oh, good!”  Conversation over.  #divineappointmentfail #abortmission

She waited a few seconds and then said, “Other than I have a biology test in 2 hours and I can’t believe it but I haven’t prepared for it at all.  You wouldn’t believe all of the problems of getting my book.  It getting lost in the mail.  They wouldn’t refund my money so I had to wait to have enough money to order a new one.  I seriously can’t believe I’m in this situation.  I might fail.”  So I guess her day wasn’t so great after all…

“Well, I love to pray.  Would you like me to pray?”

“Sure.”  

I prayed for her to retain information and for God to help her succeed and to restart her biology course so she could have a fresh start without feeling like she was behind.

She said thanks and I thought the conversation was over again #missioncomplete

But just to confirm I asked God, ‘anything else?’  I saw a picture of her in my mind sitting next to a window in a sunlit room.  She was singing and her face was reflecting the sun and it was so beautiful.  

I looked over at her wondering if I should share.  She had a look of consternation on her face as she stared at her biology book. 

Nope, God, sorry, I am not going to interrupt her again from her last minute study time and I had already used the  “watch my computer” excuse.

I looked at my computer screen and an email notification popped up and the subject line said, “SINGING…”  It was from my best friend and oddly enough the email had nothing to do with singing!  LOL but I knew it was a confirmation from God that I was to share.

So tentatively, I interrupted her studying.  “Hey, I know this is a strange question but do you play an instrument or sing?”  I was expecting her to say no and then I don’t know what I would have said probably “No, yeah I didn’t think so” and then ran out of the coffee shop…but she looked a little shocked and said, “Yes! Why?”  

Well, I know this may sound funny but I felt like God showed me a picture of you sitting at a window singing and then sun coming and shining on your face.  You are truly glorious when you sing and I feel like you will have peace when you sing.”  

“I can’t believe you just asked me that!”  She shared that her sister had taken guitar lessons and just couldn’t get the hang of it but that she had picked up the guitar as a little girl and taught herself to play.    

It was a simple word but she said, “I am texting my sister what you said.  I told her that I had been struggling lately and she randomly asked me if I every played the guitar anymore because I seemed so happy when I do it.  I haven’t had time.  I just can’t handle all this anxiety of stress about money and school.   My mind won’t stop worrying.  I’ve tried to stop it.  I’ve been on my own for a long time and I’ve had a black cloud over me all day.  Actually, this whole week.  Well, it’s probably been hanging around all year.”  

I love how God broke through her dark clouds with his warm and sunny love.  First with the prayer then with a word that He knew would touch her heart. 

Lessons learned:

~We need the wisdom to know when to boldly speak and when to be silent like with the tat girl.  We can only get this by asking God.  If we are scared to do it then He is well able to confirm it for us.  If there is an open door, we must walk through it to avoid feelings of regret and see miracles!  You can never go wrong with an encouragement either in prayer or speech.

~God will allow the sunshine in our hearts to break through another’s dark clouds if we are willing to look foolish or “be wrong” I seriously didn’t know what she would say about singing and that scared me to not have the answer.   She had been struggling for a year! and God delivered her within a 5 minute conversation. God has given YOU the key to someone else’s freedom.  Will you connect with Him and be obedient to open the doors with it?  

Arise, shine, for your light has come, and the glory of the LORD rises upon you. See, darkness covers the earth and thick darkness is over the peoples, but the LORD rises upon you and his glory appears over you. (Is.60:1-2) 

Thinking About Growing a Beard This Fall

A friend was asking me if she should date a particular guy.  I didn’t really get a heavenly thumbs up or thumbs down.  I thought about calling Miss Cleo to see what she might say…  I’m not sure if she’s still around ;) but seriously it would be nice to know if things were going to work out BEFORE we make ourselves vulnerable to another.  God was showing me how truly UNCOMPLICATED relationships are from His view and I shared it with her.  

***He’s looking for two willing hearts and His blessings will flow.  If there are two, it’s enough.***  

WHEN IT’S COMPLICATED

It CANNOT be that simple, God!  but I’m realizing how true this is. Whether it be in friendship, parents/adult children relationships, boyfriend/girlfriend, husband/wife, families, He’s looking for TWO people who will BOTH keep soft hearts towards each other.   It won’t work with one.

HOLIDAY RELATIONSHIPS

I have someone that I desperately desire a close relationship with.  It hurts my heart.  Like my old habit of going to church, we have a “holiday” relationship:  I’ll see you at Christmas or Easter. ;) Each time, I let them close, everything becomes about them, their needs, their problems.  We all have seasons of life like that but this isn’t a season this is a way of life and relating.  They don’t have the ability to see me they are so lost in their own pain and needs… and as many times as I share with them that this relationship needs to be good for both of us, they don’t get it and it becomes all about them once again.  Each time I let them in to get comfy in the home of my heart, they poop on my new rug.  ;)   I’m looking forward to the day where this relationship can be two willing and giving hearts.  I will keep my heart soft and willing and wait until that day.

If relationships are potluck dinners, everyone has to A. show up and B.  bring a dish… oh, and adults don’t poop on the rug and leave it there for others to pick up!  See that’s where it gets complicated. On this earth, we hurt each other.  It’s a me, me, me mentality.  We can do a heart check with relationships:  Do I only have a willing heart in this relationship if and when it benefits me?

SHE’S JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU 

What if ONE of the TWO becomes unwilling?

I had a long term friendship that for no good reason just went kaput last year. We were pretty tight at one point. We still ran in the same circle of friends but she would avoid me, not make eye contact, intentionally exclude me.  I tried to get together with her because she was being pretty overt about it or maybe just completely ignoring me but it was becoming awkward.  Have I offended you?  Overstepped one of your boundaries? If you won’t tell me what I’ve done to hurt you or harm our relationship then I can’t very well make it right, can I? Did I poop on your rug?  Not bring my pot luck dish to the relationship?  Her answer: no, it’s nothing.  After our talk, she removed herself from something we were both part of and unfriended me.  I do have an idea of what happened now and quite honestly I’m good with the friendship ending.  I asked God, “Should I continue to pursue this friendship?  I know it makes your heart happy when your girls get along.  Should I say I’m sorry for something? Search my heart, God. Is there anything I can do to reconcile this and make it right again?”  I’m not even kidding this song came on at the exact time that I was thinking about it:  “And I'm done hoping that we can work it out, I'm done with how it feels, spinning my wheels. Letting you drag my heart around.”  AND THEN IT BECAME EVEN MORE CLEAR- I SAW HER RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME IN HER CAR!!!!  WHAT?  God, you are good.  He knows our heart and whether others are willing…so  I had my answer.  Even if our heart is soft, we  cannot control other people or “make” them like us and it’s really a blessing to not have that angst.  When one is doing all the work, I would call that thread of connection unequally yoked. Amos 3:3 :”Can TWO people walk together without agreeing on the direction?”  Jennifer’s version of that scripture:  How can two people hug if only one is reaching out?

LAMPREY LOVE

When my husband and I were apart and considering reconciliation, I prayed hard.  I heard God say, “I will move Heaven and earth to restore a covenant if two people are willing.” Well, I thought that was a HUGE THUMBS UP!  but guess what…Marriage is still a challenge.  Not too terribly long ago, God showed me a picture of two lampreys trying to latch on to each other and suck the life out of each other…That was a picture of what was going on in our relationship.  When someone is soft with us, it’s not so we can take advantage and drain them. Lamprey love is self centered love.   Our razor sharp teeth HURT each other’s soft hearts!   Luke 22:38 And they said, “Look, Lord, here are two swords.” And he said to them, “It is enough.” So pick up your sword and fight for each other not against each other.  

UNITY OF WILLING HEARTS

Last week, I was super anxious about something in my life and each time I would think about it, I would get panicky.  I felt like ants were crawling in my pants and making me do the boogie dance.  I didn’t know how to stop the anxiety.  The scripture came to mind:  “You will keep in perfect peace all who trust in you, all whose thoughts are fixed on you!” (Is.26:3)  I decided that every time anxiety gripped me, I would remind myself of this promise from Him and I would say, “I trust you, God.”   I did that for a few days and then I realized that the ants had retreated from my britches.  I felt so peaceful.  

I met with a friend one day for lunch… I told her what I’d been going through and she handed me the pre-printed scripture she brought for me that day-itwas all about being anxious for nothing and God’s peace (phil.4:6-7).   THEN (same day) I get a text from a girl sharing something she heard from God for me. We don’t talk every day so this felt like a sweet kiss from God.  She gave me THE EXACT scripture God had given me the week before with an added little sweetness-that He was proud of me!   This is the kind of things that flow through soft and willing hearts without jealousy and judgments.

I think it makes God’s heart so happy when He finds two soft hearts that are willing to invest and give!  That’s where you see the beauty of love in miracles and the magic of God unleashed.  Unity is a place where His glory can dwell.  Psalm 133:1-2 How good and pleasant it is when God's people live together in unity!  For harmony is as precious as the anointing oil that was poured over Aaron's head, that ran down his beard and onto the border of his robe." Maybe I should grow a beard this fall? #forlove #addingtothetodolist