When it Hurts to Trust God

A girlfriend and I decided to do a “vision board” Think New Years resolutions church-ed up. I prayed about what I wanted to accomplish for the year. What dreams did I have in my heart? What plans did God have for me and my family? #dreamingwithGod

One of the items that made the cut from my heavenly CEO for 2015:

“GIVE MORE THAN EVER”

fine print: (I also heard “simplify” but that didn’t sound like fun so He might not have said it;)

I typed up my list and created a vision board. I proudly displayed it so I could look at it every day and stay focused! That goal meant our income would stay steady or increase to allow us to GIVE MORE THAN EVER. Yay, God! Woo hoo!

It must have been opposite year because that.did.not.happen. In 2015, our funds dried up. The bulk of our income flowed from oil and gas wells. Instead of gusher oil wells, we had drippers…slow slow drippers and dry holes. Accounting adjustments were made NOT in our favor.

A lot of our months, were truly in the red if you took the $ we lost or borrowed to meet our bills. Still when we received our paychecks, we would give our pittance of a tithe, give to the orphans, giving to end human trafficking.

Some little miracle would always come through but it wasn’t a divine rescue, it was selling something, a loan or credit card advance which brought us further into debt. My husband sold guns and his super cool truck, we put the kids on an extreme budget, forget about shopping. #couponclipping We could not continue to borrow. The B word came to my mind… and not the one people use to describe kindly assertive women ;) What if it came to that? No but what else could we do with the mounting debts…but hang on another month and be obedient to God.

In previous years, our accountant would remark how much we gave away: You guys are really generous. I have a few charities if you need some names.… ;) Now, we couldn’t even pay him :(

Like the Israelites at the Red Sea with Egyptians bankers on our back, we begged the Red Sea to part so we wouldn’t drown in the debt…

I encouraged myself and gave thanks. This process brought my husband and I closer than ever and what we’ve lost: it’s just stuff! my family WAS doing so well relationally and healthwise. I lived in a trailer when I was little so I knew we would be all right no matter what #everythingisagiftfromGod #praiseHimandfindjoy

I looked at my vision board. There was undeniable fruit on some of the items listed:

Friendships: Check

Family unity: Leaps and bounds growth

Organized mind and house: yup!

Thank you, God!

I came to GIVE MORE THAN EVER

Had we failed? Had God? Were we disobedient? Was there some open door for the enemy to steal from us? Did God really even want that on my vision board? This is NOT the abundant life.

I busted out crying.

We had given LESS $ than we ever had in years past and we would finish out the year without the breakthrough we had been hoping and praying for.

I went into my closet and laid on my face before God and sobbed. I’m so sorry. I let you down or maybe you let me down or maybe we made bad decisions. I just don’t understand. I finally quieted and asked God what He had to say. He answered me immediately. He said: You gave all you had…even when it hurt to give, you gave. In the past, you gave out of your abundance. This year you have GIVEN MORE THAN EVER. This year giving cost you something.

I was like hey, i think that's actually in the bible somewhere #thankGodforgoogle:  

Mark 12:44 Jesus sat down near the collection box…Many rich people put in large amounts. Then a poor widow came and dropped in two small coins. For they gave a tiny part of their surplus, but she, poor as she is, HAS GIVEN EVERYTHING she had to live on.”

David said that he would not present the Lord offerings that cost him nothing. (2Sam.24:24)

We have in no way suffered as some have for their faith! But this is a small testimony of how things aren’t always as they seem when we do struggle and suffer or when our reality doesn’t always line up as we THINK it should. It looks like we are failing or losing, when we are, in fact, winning and right in the center of God’s will. HE’S WORTH IT. I wouldn’t trade this season for the perspective I gained.

For the sick: your faith is being grown so His resurrection power flows through you.

If you are waiting year after year for your spouse, God has a love story unlike any other for YOU!

If you are waiting for a child, God will send you a little Samuel (or Samantha;) who will hear the voice of God clearly(1Sam.1)

If you are serving others and seem to be passed over for promotion, you are a Joseph type leader in the making (Gen.41).

Whatever promise you are waiting to see fulfilled: God’s kingdom means our FAITH MUST BE TESTED BEFORE WE RECEIVE THE PROMISE. The only thing that can keep you from your promise is if you turn your back on God and GIVE UP. DON’T! LOOK TO HIM ALONE AND NOT OTHERS AS YOUR ANSWER! Pour your heart out to Him-cry, shout, yell at Him. Be authentic but stay connected to God. Keep fighting the good fight of faith.

James 1:12  Happy is the person who can hold up under the trials of life. At the right time, he’ll know God’s sweet approval and will be crowned with life. As God has promised, the crown awaits all who love Him.