BUSTED: CONFESSIONS OF A MOTHER-HOARDER

I have a confession to make:  I’m a Mother-Hoarder. God has confronted me about this cluttered room in my heart.  As a Mother, I was offended by His answers to my prayers about my son.  I was terrified to stop hoarding Tanner.  What if he made big mistakes that would affect his life permanently?  Tanner is a wise kid who has given me no reason to mistrust his decision making abilities but I find myself fretting and worrying A LOT.  I could call that “discernment" or “wisdom” but the truth is I’m not trusting God or my son.  Time and time again, Tanner has made good choices.  To be honest, I have very little control whether Tanner is making good choices or bad ones though.  

Like an exposing episode of hoarders, Jesus directly confronted places of hold out within the spiritual house of those who wanted to follow Him:

To the rich man, Jesus asked him to sell all of his possessions and give the money to the poor (Lk 18:22)

To those who wouldn't forgive, He asked them to not only forgive but bless. (Lk 6:28)

To those concerned about their families, He told them to leave and hate their mother, father, wife, children. (Lk 14:26)  

To those looking back and not forward, He told a guy to let someone else bury his dead father. To another, He said not to even say goodbye to their family if they were going to follow Jesus (Lk 9:58-62)

To those who were after a full tummy and didn’t love Him, Jesus said that in order to continue following Him they had to eat His flesh and drink his blood (Jn 6:53)

So here’s the way God confronted me on my Mother-Hoarding:  Tanner went to a party and I knew there would be alcohol and probably marijuana with no parents.  How, you might ask, did I know these things?  Because Tanner told me.  

At this point, you probably think I am crazy and, honestly, I thought so too.  WHAT WAS I THINKING WHEN I AGREED TO THIS as my control and surrounding my son with my mommy junk had to go out on the lawn for the trash man to carry away? I wanted to not only HOARD Tanner into his little room but I also wanted to  water-BOARD him with christian music to keep the devil away. When Tanner asked to go to the party, my husband said we should trust Tanner. Uh, not the direction that would keep me comfy in my Mother-Hoarding.  Jonathon wisely reminded me that Tanner will be out from under our roof in a year and a half. I was not receptive but I prayed and I felt like God said to let Tanner go.  NOT ON MY WATCH! GROWL! 

My husband and I had some requirements for Tanner:  Be home by 10 pm, politely decline to partake of alcohol or drugs and be safe.  I asked Tanner to be 'salt and light' but that really would be up to him and I presented it without fear.  Well, at least the first time. After that, with an arched brow, I kept randomly saying “salt and light” every time I saw him before he left.  “I know. I know, Mom.”  He would irritatingly reply and then started ignoring me. 

Immediately after Tanner left, I FUU-RRREEAAKED out!  I prayed the party would be cancelled. I started googling the address to see if the guy who was hosting the party who CLAIMED to live in the house wasn't actually a squatter.  I couldn’t find it online so I thought Tanner was lying :( I texted Tanner roughly a dozen times for various reasons one of which was accusing him of not being honest about the address. 

“THIS IS A BAD IDEA” reverberated through my brain but I went back to what I heard from God so I prayed…probably not very well or spirit led prayers but piece by piece, a nasty pile of molded junk came out of my heart as I trusted imperfectly.  I prayed for the other kids but especially for Tanner :-/...  I prayed the cops would come bust the party but only after Tanner left.  I then checked the Find my Iphone to find out Tanner, in fact, was not lying and was actually at the address where he said he would be. I still continued to check the Find Iphone every five minutes to see if I could see if he was in the garage or outside where they would probably be smoking pot.  My husband wanted to drive by so I would stop obsessing but I knew I would go in and FURREAK out.  Definitely had a check in my spirit about crashing the party - oh, and being disobedient to God. 

I’m being honest about my hoarding, my fear and my crazy at being obedient to let my son go.  I was not in control and I had to trust God with it.  

Here’s the deal. I know this advice isn’t for everyone.  If a kid has a drug problem, God probably isn’t going to accuse you of hoarding or say “sure, send him in to a pack of wolves with a t-bone in his pocket so they will attack him."  He’s probably going to be loving and gentle and give you His wisdom especially for you and your situation as you ask Him! 

For me, I’ve known since I begged God to let me homeschool Tanner in middle school that Tanner’s path was not going to be like anyone else’s.  Everyone was homeschooling.  I saw it as a good thing.  Some kids are “set apart” like this and homeschooling is the answer for their specific calling but God told me “Tanner must learn to be in the world but not of the world at a young age to fulfill his destiny.”  This meant that Tanner might be exposed to things and would have to choose not to do them.  Before you think I’m too crazy, isn’t that what we are all supposed to do at some point in our life-choose whom we will serve at critical decision points?  (Joshua 24:15)   Jesus went to PARTAY’S where all the bad boys and girls were getting tanked and He brought love and freedom by being an example. He hung out with prostitutes but never took advantage of them.  Every kid (and adult;) at some point has to go through a process of seeing what is in their own heart by decision making and temptations.  I don't know why God wanted Tanner at that party but it was probably to be "salt and light" as I so frequently reminded him ;) Maybe someone saw Tanner and decided they could have fun without having a hangover?  Maybe my prayers protected the kids at the party and brought a way for Jesus to show them some love? Maybe you wouldn't have done the same thing.  I don't know but I trust that God was in control because I prayed and obeyed. 
  

Two things that will keep us hoarding:  

1. When I don’t know I am loved, God’s word gets twisted.  I take God’s confrontation of me and feel condemnation or like it’s an unfair burden.  Answer: When I share my true feelings (the I don’t wanna’s ;) and then I trust God and give Him permission, He will takes my fear and replace it with His love.  It’s a process:  Be real with God and patient with yourself.   

2. I use the scriptures mentioned above or even my experiences as a commandment to force myself or someone else to sell it all, be poor, be teetotalers, become missionaries.  These scriptures can be misused to give permission for pastors to neglect their families shunning God’s order, forcing those abused to forgive and bless abusers putting themselves in harms way rather than bringing protection and justice to the situation. What if God is talking to my heart only and I’m not meant to try to clean someone else’s underwear drawer out. In that case, I become a hypocrite because it’s my own drawers that need to be tended to.  

This has not been easy for me (Mother-Hoarder evidence is above).   I’m not only a Mother-Hoarder, I’ve got other rooms full of crap as well.  I probably get to write this with the anointing for God to change others because I have struggled with it.  But let’s not talk about me.  Let’s talk about you!  Is it friendship that you hoard?  Not being correctable? Having to lead or you won’t be apart of something?  Is it marriage?  Being in control when you get hurt or just in general? Constantly checking your bank statement balance?  Judging? Having a perfect house without one speck of dust?  Wanting what others have?  Acting like other people because we don't know how special we are?  Hey, I'm not judging. I’ve been there but it’s time to be free!  

Final advice for fellow hoarders:  Let the Light shine in and get rid of all the crap.  I would be buried alive covered in old news and rat poop if I don’t trust Him and let Him in when confronted.  God will offend.  He won’t negotiate and will challenge places of hold out in our heart in an extreme way.  It hurts to let go of the things I treasure and my ways of coping that  give me temporal peace by feeling I am in control but they are really bondage.  True freedom comes when I let God in to fill that room of my heart with PEACE, COMFORT, PURITY, LIGHT and LOVE.  He is a master declutter-er and He fills my heart with such good things.