Running with the Turtles

Have you read the old fable "The Tortoise and the Hare" or heard the saying "that slow and steady wins the race?" I appreciate this tale more now than as a child.   I mean who wants to be a slow turtle even if you do finish the race?    

I  began to learn the art of resting in Him and letting my inner turtle come out while training for a half marathon.  Instead of performing for the crowd, I had to pace myself during training to not expend all my energy in the first mile.  I had to train my body to take little sips of it to get through the grueling miles.  I knew that God had set me up to run this race. I agreed to run it to raise funds to battle Leukemia and Lymphoma not knowing anyone who had this potentially deadly disease but during my training a family member was diagnosed. 

During training, my flesh would fail time and time again.   The failure was very consistent.  Each and every time, I met my breaking point where I felt I could not go on but I had committed.  Could I quit when I had a family member going through the exact thing that I was running for?  so I had to show up relying on His strength. It's a team effort though.  I’m willing to show up and then He provides what I need but, dang, it's hard to rest in Him ;)  Should it be HARD to REST? but that's the way it is when we transition from our human strength to His.

Instead of running with the Nike Swoosh signifying Just Do It on my back,  I felt like I was carrying some really nice and heavy Louis Vuitton luggage and not the zippy roller kind.  I play soccer, I like to hike, participate in bootcamps, I'm not a fitness wienie so I did not understand why I didn't just magically have wings on my shoes.  One day, I limped home after my running buddies had left me in the dust.  I was embarrassed that i couldn't keep up.  I was hurting because I had tried to.    I'm usually a cold soldier who "pretends" to have it all together but this running was getting the better of me.  I exaggerated my limp as I came into the house really wanting God to see it. I'm not prone to fit throwing, trying to get sympathy, or allowing my emotions to get the better of me because I like to be "strong."  Well not on this particular day... on this day, I had a MELT DOWN of the two year old degree!   I saw a pillow on the couch and thought, "That won't break anything if I throw it," so i did.  I was too afraid to cuss out loud at God but boy was I trash talking Him in my head  ;)  I bellowed through my house, "You could heal me and you won't!!!  You don't care about me!  If you did, you would help me run faster and my leg wouldn’t hurt and it wouldn’t be hard and you aren’t even listening to my prayers!  What?  Do I have to beg you? Oh, Yeah, and those girls who left me were mean!" I saw a book on the coffee table. I picked it up and thought it was a safe venting utensil so I threw it at the wall.  (Don't worry it was a paperback)  

I was picking up the pillow to give it another toss when the kind lady who cleans my house poked her head around the corner and asked timidly, "Are you okay, Jennifer?"  I stopped in mid-throw and rant like a kid toilet papering a neighbor's house. GULP.   Dang, when did she get here?  Probably while I was out getting my butt handed to me on my run.   I apologized and said it was nothing.  She asked if I was hurt since I was limping. She guided me to the couch where she sat me down. This amazing and humble 90 lb woman took my shoe and sock off and prayed in her language.  She massaged my nasty and sweaty foot as I tried to protest.  I finally quit telling her no because she pretended not to hear me.  I just cried and cried at the embarrassment of the humbling situation.   She said that she had an elderly neighbor with no family that she changed diapers so this was not uncomfortable for her for.  I cheered myself momentarily in the fact that I wasn't wearing a diaper even though I was acting like I should be.   She liked to care for people who needed help but the problem was I didn’t like receiving help.   What an example of the heart of Jesus towards me felt like Peter, when He said "Lord, don't wash  just my feet. Wash my hands and head as well." (Jn 13:9)  He wanted to love me in this way and I had to let my plastic and useless self-sufficient armor to receive it.  Not a comfortable feeling for me.  I couldn't always be the strong one and rely on being wantless and needless.  I wanted to help others, give to others but she loved me and gave to me and that was a hard and humble pill to swallow.  She didn't judge me for my fit or correct me and tell me how good God was.  She showed me.  Her hands were His as she washed my filthy feet. 

I think we go through seasons and learn lessons in life that build the foundation for the already won victory in every area.  Some seasons are harder than others.  I can tell you that I wrestled with God while training for the half marathon.  He brought all sorts of things out of my heart that were hidden and didn't belong.  I had injuries that He didn't miraculously heal. He's freaking God for Christ's sake so it was within His power to do so but He chose not to!  In my weakness, He was proving that He was strong.  Did I want to be like Jacob, wrestle with God and have a permanent limp or would I let Him carry me?

Have you seen the deodorant commercial with the tag line "Never let them see you sweat?"  Well, I had a Jennifer tag line, “Never let them see ya cry.” To say crying was out of character is an understatement but God was unearthing my reliance on my own strength.  On another melt down day,  I literally stopped and sat down at a picnic table during my run and had a boo hoo, snot slinging fit.  Sure, the kids on the jungle gym at Harmony Park looked at me funny but they didn't judge me because they aren't afraid to show their emotions to anyone when they aren't happy with life.  They looked on with a comforting and empathetic “I know, baby.  I know. We've been there. Get it all out. Somebody get this lady a juice pack and change her diaper asap.”

Running may come easy to some but it did not come easy to me. Step by step when my flesh would fail me, I would cry out to Him-sometimes in anger, sometimes in fear that I couldn't go on…that I would fail but I didn't quit when it got hard.  I learned to persevere by asking for His help, walking when I couldn't run, to limp when I hurt and taking a rest when I needed one.  I can't stay that slow and steady WON the race but I finished and it was a glorious experience crossing through the finish line after 13.1 miles.  I CAN say that I enjoyed every second of it which was a big surprise and victory for me after my dismal training.  

The most important thing that I learned was that it's not by might nor by power but by His Spirit.  I think in those times, we learn to fly on wings like eagles with our God and see things from His perspective up high and that's the season that I love:  We no longer have to push our way to the front, show our strength by sheer will, have to be number 1 but neither do we have to seek people's help in getting to where we need to go.  He provides every single thing we need along the way.  God ushers us on a private jet to the front of the line. Wow! What a Dad! 

Life is like a marathon.  We are running the race with endurance.  Looking for the finish line and for His kind of victory to become a reality in our life.  He wants us to run to Him as a little child and that may mean tears or it may mean acting immature with Him when you don't get your way just as long as we come to Him.  My husband makes me mad but I'm not going anywhere.  If we stick with God through the hard times and don't turn away from Him, we begin to understand how faithful He is and a deep abiding trust is born.   We will make it to the finish line. We trust Him, that come what may, we will get to the other side together.   If we give up on God, turn away and divorce Him then we will never experience the deep intimacy that only comes from sticking together through the hard times.  It may mean telling Him that you are done trying but there’s a beauty in that.  He carries us.  He loves you especially then because we are truly resting in Him.  

Wherever you are in the process, there will be a transition where you learn that the flesh is weak but in your weakness He becomes the only strength that you need.  In Him we find not only rest but also the victory.  

Muffin Mafia Princess

Muffin Mafia Princess

I was eating at a local restaurant when two adorable little girls who were about 4-5-ish came in with their mothers.  Holding hands, they skipped in both dressed in complete cute-ness with matching blue ballerina costumes.  

They were seated at their table when one little girl's mom excused herself for a potty break and maybe for some time away from the energetic little ballerina princess ;)  At that moment, the other mother/daughter team's food arrived.  The Mommy-less young girl eyed their food and noticed that the other "couple" both had muffins.  

The little girl immediately, and loudly I might add, shared of her love for muffins as she looked longingly at the pair sitting on the table that were not available to her. Think whiney and picture her tiny hand on her hip, as she then looked at her dear friend and asked, "Can I have your muffin?"  Her friend shook her head, "No, this is my muffin."  That’s when the Little Ballerina Princess went to her alter ego: Muffin Mafia Princess.   If this little girl had, in fact, been recruited at this tender age into the mafia, she would have put a hit out on this tutu wearing traitor that she had once called friend.  I think Muffin Mafia Princess (MMP) would have settled for half of the muffin but tutu wasn’t giving it up.  You find out who your real friends are in situations like these ;)

She looked at her friend's mommy and this time changed her tone to demure, "Could I have your muffin please?" Her bestie's  mommy responded with a "No, you have your own food coming."  "But I didn't order a muffin," she said in distress. She kept repeating how much she liked muffins and this went on for several minutes while momma was taking her siesta in the baño.  She looked around several times for her mom as if she knew mom could somehow make this muffin thing happen for her. Others looked on with disapproval at the spectacle that MMP was making.  I could almost hear their thoughts:  demanding, selfish, be quiet,  you’re a loud little girl, you don't deserve a muffin acting like that.

Mom decided to return and MMP started quizzing her about the muffin quandary.  Finally, the owner of the store came over and apparently after overhearing the little girl’s not so quiet pleas said, "I found a muffin for you!" I didn’t get the impression that she was trying to quiet her.  No, this was a grandmotherly type who probably would want someone to have mercy on her own grandchild in the same situation. The other little girl, sensing a loss of superiority said, "But she didn't order a muffin so she shouldn't get one." Some best friend you are ;) The owner of the restaurant then explained that she could give her a muffin as a GIFT.  The parable of the workers in Matthew 20 mentions that people get jealous when others receive something as a gift instead of working like they did for it.  In verse 20 the owner says "Don't I have a right to do what I want with my own money?  or are you jealous that I'm generous?"  

At the site of her desire fulfilled, the  distraught little Muffin Mafia Princess was suddenly transformed back into Happy Ballerina Princess.  She beamed and said thank you as if the muffin placed before her was a golden crown and maybe it was.  She had her muffin injustice made right. She realized she wasn’t a muffin pauper but a muffin princess.    

Some might say that muffin girl should be happy with what she ordered but what if she  didn't realize a muffin was available to her until she saw that her so called friend had one?  ;)

Some could argue that her attitude was all wrong, she might have been considered petulant, manipulating, begging, badgering, indignant and she was even demanding to have what she was missing out on but available to others.  As for me, I was laughing and secretly trying to video ;) I was also thinking of the persistent widow mentioned in Luke.  Talk about a pit bull.  This lady threatened this judge so much it was making him physically ILL! 

Luke 18: 1-8 Then Jesus taught the followers that they should always pray and never lose hope.  He used this story to teach them: "Once there was a judge in a town. He did not care about God. He also did not care what people thought about him. In that same town there was a woman whose husband had died. She came many times to this judge and said, ‘There is a man who is doing bad things to me. Give me my rights!’ But the judge did not want to help the woman. After a long time, the judge thought to himself, ‘I don’t care about God. And I don’t care about what people think. But this woman is bothering me. If I give her what she wants, then she will leave me alone. But if I don’t give her what she wants, she will bother me until I am sick.’ The Lord said, “Listen, there is meaning in what the bad judge said. God’s people shout to him night and day, and he will always give them what is right. He will not be slow to answer them.I tell you, God will help his people quickly. But when the Son of Man comes again, will he find people on earth who believe in him?”

Other people are not the answer.  We cannot and must not look to them for our help.  Where does our help come from?  Our help comes from The Lord, the maker of heaven and earth.  We can't have an expectation that our bestie or her mom are going to give up their muffins to feed our hunger.  The owner of the muffins on a thousand plates (Psalm 50:10) has what we need and if we ask Him then we can trust that He will answer us.  

 I think the store owner represents the heart of Father God and He doesn't think the way that we do.  God's in charge and when He hears his children cry, by God, He answers.  People who don't know this about God have a hard time understanding generosity.  Gifts must be earned, you must be patient discouraging persistence asking even though that is contrary to what God says about asking. What we don't understand is that kids who have their needs met can then CHOOSE to give and be generous knowing that they will be provided for.  Being a parent takes wisdom and kids who know they are loved and don't feel like they have to earn love and provision by being good, can proactively give out of a spirit of abundance and not reacting to life out of a spirit of poverty. 

 I can’t see God responding to our needs the world’s way.  He would be cruel and unkind if He did.  Sometimes He does say no and we trust Him but don’t stop asking Him.  Be persistent.  I was praying for my daughter to get a job in the field that she desired to work in.  She had a job offer but it wasn’t where she wanted to be.  Some advised her to take what she could get.  Sadly, without hearing from the Holy Spirit, I did too because I didn't understand this concept and was motivated by fear that another opportunity might not come.  When she followed our earthly wisdom, she was miserable.   In faith, she left that job and God miraculously opened the door for a job.   When I prayed, I felt God said, “My answer to Monica is always yes.  I have to put some things together for her but the answer is yes.”  He wasn’t teaching her patience that would come regardless.  He was teaching her persistence and believing that He wanted to give her the desires of her heart.  She didn’t have to take a job that didn’t line up with her dreams...that she doesn’t have to marry someone that she doesn’t like.  He’s a good Dad and every GOOD and PERFECT gift comes from Him.  Sometimes we settle when we should be asking our Father for what we want. Hope deferred makes the heart sick but a desire fulfilled is a tree of life. (Proverbs 13:12)  

The passage below shows how God is the greatest Dad and we can ASK HIM FOR WHAT WE WANT.  He doesn’t give us lettuce when we ask for a muffin just like the owner didn’t rush her non-muffin food plate out to quiet her.  The owner brought her what she asked for.  If we really want something, He will get it. I’m taking God at His word when He says:

Matthew 7:7-11 “Continue to ask, and God will give to you…Yes, whoever continues to ask will receive. Do any of you have a son? If he asked for bread (a muffin), would you give him a rock. You people are so bad, but you still know how to give good things to your children. So surely your heavenly Father will give good things to those who ask him."

Earthly wisdom's moral of the story:  You snooze, you lose.  You get what you get and you like it.  Too bad so sad. Sucks to be you but I got a muffin, Sucker.

Poverty mentality moral of the story:  Get it while you can because there may not be any more.  Your needs and desires are irrelevant.  You are unimportant and should be wantless and needless.  You are selfish if you have needs.  God's holding out on you because you haven't been good enough.  He gives everyone else the best but not you. 

God's moral of the story:  

He loves to give His children good gifts and he's not judging us. When you have faith that He loves you as His child, you look to Him to meet every need and aren't afraid to ask.  He wants to give us the desires of our heart...even if it's a muffin. ASK HIM!