hope in dark days

Lord, what do you say when you have nothing to say???  When I am at the end of myself, my efforts.  I've always had an answer-I have none.  None but my trust in you when nothing seems to make sense.  I want to say, this is good-to feel the joy of the Lord but I know there is a time to mourn.  I have experienced loss.  A lie that I chose to believe and to deny the truth.  Because I chose my way.  I clung to a human and not the author and creator of me!  I believe I will laugh again, feel joy, feel some sense of power but at this moment, I feel empty, void, numb, but with all those feelings there is you...the wonderful, beautiful YOU!  The lover of my soul, the creator of all.  I smile at the thought of you.  My hope is in you.  Hear my cry and help me to stand firm in this trial-this hour of testing.  I hold fast to my faith and allow myself to be here without medicating in some way-shopping, food, male attention for I know you will come for me.  I will not be deterred from my hope in you.  Thank you, Lord, for helping me write this letter.  I love you and I trust you are sometimes the hardest words to say when nothing makes sense.  Will I praise you only in the good times?  Will I be offended when you don't do as I think you should? When you allow my faith to grow through trial? How else would my faith grow if I never have to trust-when nothing makes sense but YOU-beautiful you, faithful, unfailing you.  It's hard to be here-I won't lie to you or myself and try to paint a pretty picture of my current state but I believe in, trust in and rely on the unfailing love of my creator...that you did not bring me here to harm me but because you love me.  I know you love me and I will cling to that and cling to you.  You will not fail me.  I believe that with all my heart and I will not let go of you!