Someday You Will

A big oak tree flanked the drive way of our rental house. It was one of the biggest trees in our yard. Maybe about 25-30 years old or so. Still young for a tree. It was April but, unlike the other trees, it showed no signs of waking up from it’s winter nap.

Those of you that know me know how much I love trees. I began to pray for the tree to wake up. For God to restore it. Maybe it was just a late bloomer? Each time I passed the tree, I rolled down my window and placed a hand on it and prayed. 

One day as I was praying and looking for signs of life, my next door neighbor came out. 

“That tree is dead and it needs to be cut down before it falls on my house.” 

Falls on your house? One limb dangled over her driveway. A little dramatic. And stop speaking death over my tree (hand on hip and I said this REALLY LOUD but only in my mind ;)

I responded, “I am hoping it will live.”
“We have a lot of trees in this town.” 
But not this one. Not this tree. For this tree, I have prayed. 

I brightened one day when my husband said there were buds on some of the branches. He knew I’d been praying. I was so excited! #HighFiveMoment
I rushed outside. I could see it! There were little green heads popping through on one side specifically. Over the next few days they even grew into mini-leaves. 

YES! Prayers heard and answered. 
God brings dead things to life. WAHOOO!!!
I was so pumped. It was the week of Easter/Resurrection Day. How fitting.
It reminded me of my own marriage being resurrected after divorce. 
And the tree lived happily ever after. End of story. God is good. 
Except that wasn’t the end of the story.

The big guy took a major turn for the worse over the following weeks. Bark started falling off one of its limbs in big chunks and then spread to the other limbs. The exposed flesh of the tree was pinkish. I thought of my own arm without the skin and without protection. Oh how those raw exposed sores sting and hurt. Constant pain. Make fun of me for being “sappy” but I thought of how it must be for the tree to be exposed. It hurt my heart. 

I prayed and I prayed. Please, God, let it live. Please. Please. Please. Those desperate type prayers. But when I would look up and see the raw flesh, I also didn’t want it to be in pain.  #TreesFeelPain #IguessIAmATreeHugger
Have you ever been in that place where you knew God COULD do something but He wasn’t? 

I heard one day, “The deader something looks, the better the resurrection.” Well, that sounded very promising but not grammatically correct. Hey, I'm not going to argue with God. So He would heal the tree…I mean, it happened for Lazarus. His rotting flesh was made new and he lived again in the same body. 

Every day, more and bigger chunks of bark welcomed me to the party of prayer like a turd in the punch bowl. The pinkish exposed flesh was turning brown now. And then the little leaves stopped growing, stunted and lost their vibrant green color. Welp, God, this is definitely “deader.” 
Still I prayed because the tree still stood but it wasn’t thriving. It was like a lifeless body in a hospital bed kept alive only by the machines of my prayers… 

I asked my husband if the really bad limb, the one that looked like it had leprosy, if it was cut off, would it maybe save the tree? Cut off the cancer. So he reached out to the landlord. They were having a tree doctor come look at it because my darling neighbor had already called them. ;) What a peach! :)

Maybe the tree doctor had a magic bean in his bag to make it grow up to heaven. 

Ha -that would show my tree-hating neighbor!  ;) #mypride#likesbeingright #loveyourneighborasyourself

The tree doctor’s report came: The tree would have to be cut down. When a limb had been cut off the previous year, it had been infected by the tree trimmers spikes from another diseased tree. Maybe if they'd caught it early. Maybe not. But, now, it was too far gone.

I was sad...I still prayed because whether this tree lived or not, I know God is so involved in my life. I know He is doing something. Teaching me things as a good Father.
I heard a teaching about John, the Baptist, and Jesus’s interaction. 
My version in a nutshell ;)
John was in prison and sent Jesus a message.

John’s modern day text to Jesus:

“Hey JC. It’s your cousin. Remember me? They locked me up for taking care of your business. I hear you can pull some strings since you are in charge now?”

Jesus sent a message back to John in prison:
Yep, I’m doing lots of miracles in lots of places for lots of people. Can’t help ya, cousin. don’t get mad. 

John reading it shaking his head: can’t or won’t
Jesus: con’t 

So, no, Jesus didn’t send an angelic swat team to rescue John. He warned John “Blessed are those who aren’t offended by me.”
I imagine John had a major reason to be offended. This was life and death- someone who could have saved you not only from prison but from death but he didn’t. He was BEHEADED! Horrific.

Pretty rough…Like when we send a text or a “prayer request” to family or friends or post it on facebook.. kind of hinting that you need some real human help and the response is: I’ll pray for you. 
Good luck with that… 

The expectations we have of how life should go. How people should respond to us. How God should answer us and in our timing. 

We know the weeds in our life need to die: pride, selfishness, striving, fear.
A structure built in our childhood. When that root system is bringing death, it has to be ground down and our roots re-established. Self protection must fall like the bark from the tree.

But it’s so much harder when it’s something that once sustained us, brought us joy or life or something we really really really wanted to happen. 

And what about beautiful things that die too early, too young, or when we aren’t ready or don’t want them to die? A hope in our heart, a child, a parent, a business, a job, a friendship, a marriage, a relationship to someone we thought was “the one.” 
Something that was at one time so vibrant, so alive, so life giving that we didn’t want to have a life without it? 
What then?
I thought about what I’d heard before, “The deader something looks, the better the resurrection.” 
Jesus. 
Stakes driven through his hands and feet. The piercing of his side. He didn’t get off the cross early. He stayed because death was required and what He sent was so much greater than had he not died. Would something greater come as a result of this loss? My heart felt better. Yes, that was who God was. A giver of good gifts. Jesus said in John 16 that it was best for us that he die, because if he didn’t, then He couldn’t live inside us through the Holy Spirit. 
The deader something looks, the better the resurrection. He saved the world with His death.
So, yes, good things sometimes do need to die for something greater to live within us IF we don’t turn away from Him or believe a lie. 

I do not like when the formula (promise) I use doesn’t add up.

John 14:14 You may ask me for anything in my name, and I will do it.
Ask for tree to live——check
Asked in Jesus name—-check
The Tree lived!——nope 

But I think sometimes in life, I don’t like what God is doing so I try it a different way because I don’t like the season I’m in…rather than asking, resting…trusting… I know He is okay with that. Even Jesus said, “Father, take this cup from me” but followed it up with, “Not my will but your will.” We ask but ultimately we submit to His way even if it’s not the way we would have chosen. 

Hope against hope, I prayed. 
When they came to cut the tree down, I went to my back yard and I sat down underneath a canopy of other trees (yes, there are more trees in this town) and I cried. My prayers unanswered. I said, “God, what? What are you saying? I know you know the number of hairs on my head so you know my heart. I won’t walk away from this situation and believe that you aren’t anything other than a good Father who loves me, hears my prayers and cares for me.” 

For me, what I’ve learned so far about my tree is it equaled the Death of expectations. How I think things should go down. 

Will I believe in His goodness even when I don’t see? Jesus said to Thomas…Blessed are they who did not see and yet believed.” Jn 20:29 

I heard in my heart, “Your home is not here.” It was true. We were renting this house and Hebrews 13:14 says, “For this world is not our permanent home; we are looking forward to a home yet to come.”
I thought of after Jesus death when Mary was so heartbroken and the angel met her when she was looking for his dead body, he said, “He is not here, He is risen just as He said He would.” 

Something powerful happens in Heaven when we experience a death here on earth. Something is born into our life that is not of this world. 

I have to say, each day as I drive by the blank spot in my yard and I see where the stump was ground and covered with dirt as if it never existed, I’m not happy about it but I’m working through it. 

I don't get to see Jesus with my human eyes and I don't get to see my tree. 

I was listening to Steven Furtick and he said many think the opposite of faith is doubt but it’s not. The opposite of faith is sight. Will I believe even when I don’t see? Yes, God, I will love you. I will trust You. I will believe. 

Jesus said in John 13:7 "You don't understand now what I am doing, but someday you will.” 

Don’t get stuck in the why's or the what if's? That, my friend, is a dead end road. Work through it with God until it is well with your soul. Forget the pain of what lies behind. Someday we will understand and we will have the eyes to see the resurrection of what we lost.