Monday, October 24, 2011

A Doona From Down Under


I received an email today with some “Holy Humor.” Sunday after church, a Mom asked her very young daughter about the lesson.
The daughter  answered, "Don't be scared, you'll get your quilt."
Needless to say, the Mom was perplexed.  Later in the day, the pastor stopped by for tea and the Mom asked him what the morning's Sunday school lesson was about.
He said "Be not afraid, thy comforter is here."


Over the last few weeks God has been teaching me to rely on Him as my comforter through the Holy Spirit.  The Holy Spirit has been there to guide and counsel me but I didn’t allow myself to have a need for His comfort. John 14:16, 18 And I will pray to the Father, and he shall give you another Comforter, that He may abide with you forever;  I will not leave you comfortless: I will come to you.
At lifegroup, my friend Melinda said that she saw Jesus covering me with a comforter.  That evening my devotional talked about God wrapping me up in His peace like a warm blanket so that my heart would stay close to His.   Wow, blanket…comforter. God was being creative and clever with me because He knows that I love words.
He brought it all together when I went to an event to raise money for the A21 Campaign.  The campaign helps women who have had precious things stolen from them through human trafficking.  There were ways to donate to the cause by picking out an item to buy that would furnish their new facility in the Ukraine.  I picked up a tag that said “doona.”  I had no idea what a doona was but the price was exactly what I felt God wanted me to donate.  As I wrote my check out, I asked, “What is a doona anyway?”  I absolutely LOVE God… A doona is what the Aussies from down under call a “comforter.”  I felt like God said that I was purchasing a comforter but it represented much more.  He didn’t expect this woman, who had endured hell on earth, to suck it up and deal with the fact that she had been abused every day of her captivity too many times to count.   The comforter symbolized Him wrapping His big arms around her and enveloping her with His love and comfort. He wanted to hold her and whisper in her ear, “It’s all going to be okay.  I’m with you.”

Sometimes I convince myself that I don’t need comfort because I know how much God loves me.  However, the thing called LOVE can be messy. We can’t walk in love and keep the door to our heart closed. To give and receive love, requires an open heart. There are no bullet-proof vests for our heart because that would restrict the flow of His love to others.  We have to be childlike in our walk of faith and love.  This means that I don’t automatically have a good comeback and I don’t have a weapon to fire back at someone when their words or actions cut me.  My weapon is love and believing the best…in spite of the bad behavior.  Sometimes I get smacked with unkind words and I’m expected to NOT defend myself.  Bridget Jones’ Diary talks about “jellyfish” comments.  The sarcastic ones where you don’t know you were insulted until they have walked away. Wow!  That has happened to me quite a few times.  “I like that shirt but I would never wear it.”  What do you say to that but ouch!

I’m not saying you don’t guard your heart to repeat offenders or open yourself up to continual wounding without boundaries. The unfortunate part of life is that sometimes the enemy uses those closest to us to wound,  especially if they have perceived an offense from US.

God wants to be our God of justice, to right the wrongs in our life, but we can convince ourselves that we need to be in charge. Isaiah 30:18
“Yet the LORD longs to be gracious to you; he rises to show you compassion. For the LORD is a God of justice. Blessed are all who wait for him!”

Here are two scenarios in which I am in charge:
Scenario A.  I force myself to submit to punishment and be a doormat.  I feel like I HAVE to forgive….that it’s not a choice or a gift that I am able to give from my heart in obedience to Jesus….This scenario means that I leave God out of the picture to be my comforter and my defender and I swallow my hurt.

Scenario B. I fight all my own battles.  I am kicking butt and taking names. Nobody puts Jennifer in a corner.

I’ve walked on both sides of the fence.  Pre-Jesus I was definitely scenario B…and the B might stand for another little word we all know.  I was a Big B! If you crossed me get ready for it because I would rip you apart with my words. I NEVER cried and I said it with pride! I went through three divorces and never shed a tear!  Now I cry almost daily but it is because my heart is open and soft to the things of God. 

I experienced scenario A after I surrendered to Jesus, I knew that I could not continue being so cold hearted. As a Christian, I thought that you had to be a doormat with no power or protection. If they want your shirt then you have to give them your coat too.  If they slap you, turn the other cheek and let them slap you again.  These things are true and written in His wonderful Word but they, again, leave Jesus out of the picture if it isn’t from the heart and through direction from the Holy Spirit.  With Jesus, things aren’t taken from you or done to you through abuse but GIVEN by choice… Remember Jesus knew where He came from and where He was going so He WILLINGLY laid His life down as a servant to wash the disciples feet.  No man TOOK His life.  He GAVE it as a sacrifice of love on the cross for you and for me. (John 10:18 and John 13:3-5)

Here's another scenario that I now prefer:  Let Him comfort and be my God of justice! I can cry out to Jesus and be real about my pain in our intimate relationship.  No, I don’t call everyone and whine or gossip everytime someone hurts my feelings.  When I am hurt, I fall and cry at His feet.  He longs to be my comforter and my defender. He is my strength and my shield.  He fights my battles for me.  Exodus 14:14 “The LORD will fight for you, and you have only to be silent.”  I love the message version of that scripture:  “God will fight the battle for you. And you? You keep your mouths shut!  Isaiah 54:17 says “No weapon formed against you shall prosper, And every tongue which rises against you in judgment You shall condemn. This is the heritage of the servants of the LORD, 
And their righteousness is FROM ME,” Says the LORD.” 

I feel our relationship grow in intimacy as I trust Him with my heart.  He is a defender of the weak.  Sometimes I don’t know how to receive His comfort!  To receive His comfort, I don’t have to be strong or have it all figured out.  Honestly, to cry makes me feel helpless and it’s uncomfortable for me not to be in control of myself…like I should have the answer because I have Jesus but He tells me I am a High Priest who understands your weaknesses.  When I am weak with Him it allows Him to be strong in me. 

He's got a doona for you too!  Your comforter is here! You only have to receive it as a gift from the Holy Spirit.  


Response and testimony to the blog from my friend, Nancy Cave.  I think some might relate to this testimony!


This was so good and and such truth. I am so glad you wrote about this. This subject is so dear to my heart because I too had to let the Holy Spirit graciously teach me how to forgive, heal, and not keep a record of wrong through the power of His Spirit, not my own.  Not that I have it all together even now, but He has taught me how to recognize the signs when I begin to fall back into my old way of stuffing it down as a good Christian, rather than allowing The Comforter to take care of it by comforting my pain or hurt first, then letting the healing process begin. Sometimes it is very quick, sometimes it takes more time. That is okay because He knows my heart...I desire to walk in His love, compassion and forgiveness with no records of wrong against anyone. He takes care of the rest because He truly knows me inside and out.  About the crying, I was the opposite. I cried at the drop of a hat. Two reasons.  One, I had so much hurt, pain and rejection stored up inside me and so fearful of standing my ground on anything. I didn't even know who "me" was...if that makes any sense, but it is true. Two, because I had such mercy and compassion that it was out of balance with the other stuff in my life. God spared my life because I did cry so much! I was so suicidal and hated myself so much that if I did not cry and release some of the pain I would never have survived to enjoy my children and grandchildren. That is why I always share that tears are healing and to never be ashamed of them. They are a sign, provided by Jesus, for healing and ministering, to your very deepest emotional needs. Whether it is unforgiveness, pain, anger, or whatever...He is taking care of it and washing it away. Sometimes little  by little and sometimes,like a flood, it is all washed away at once. But, as you said the Comforter is here "to comfort" if we will just welcome Him with open arms and heart rather than saying "I already took care of it, I'm okay now I gave it to God." This is happens so many times, then... it crops up again.  This is what the Lord spoke to me a few years back about a certain incident ... ME: Lord, I don't understand why this keeps coming up, i forgave this incident. What is going on? LORD: I remember you saying that to yourself...but I don't remember you taking time to talk to me about it . If you will sit before me and take the time to ask me about it, we will get to the heart of the matter. I will show you things and then you will forgive completely, because you came "through" me. The hurt will be healed, and what caused it to hurt so deeply. That is when I realized I had stepped into the "being a good Christian and finding forgiveness and healing in my own power" rather than His power. I needed to follow His process of forgiveness and healing and allow Him to comfort me during those times...which means giving Him the time and opportunity to do it His way, not mine. A quick fix is just that, it is a surface fix. The Comforter covers us with the warmth of His love that we feel from the depths of our very being.  It is complete.  


Sorry, about how long this is but I love your transparent heart. This will draw so many people to you that you will be able to minister freedom to their hearts. The Lord is doing so much in our lives.  by Nancy Cave

Thursday, September 1, 2011

I Got You

I went rock climbing with my adventurous and fearless friends one afternoon. Sounds dangerous, huh? Well, we were climbing at an indoor (safe) and air conditioned (comfy) facility. There is still an element of danger and fear since, at points, you are dangling in mid-air by a rope. There is a system in place that is, well, idiot proof for which my friend, Laura, was very thankful. Her life was in my hands since I was her "belayer". To belay simply means to cause to stop or to secure by keeping the slack out of the rope. If they fall, they won't fall far. You are their human anchor. Laura took her first tentative step on the wall. Before she took her other foot off the ground, she looked over her shoulder suspiciously with a face that said, "I'm trusting HER with my life?" I said, with a force behind it that apparently sounded assuring, "I got you." And up she went like a pro! She never looked back. That's trust!


I've realized recently that I have difficulty trusting in God's goodness. I'm afraid He will drop me or those that I love. What if I don't check on my son before I go to bed? What if my husband didn't mean "til death do us part?" What if the other driver veers into my lane? What if we can't pay our bills in this economy? Why did God not punish the person who hurt me? Why did I have a car accident? Why does my child have asthma? There's a song by Elvis that goes like this, "We can't go on together with suspicious minds." Questioning=Crazy-making! I call it being "hyper-vigilant" with a flair for attention to detail. Others, who aren't in awe of my ability to run the world, call it controlling...fearful. Honestly, we can't control much in our life-not even ourselves sometimes. If I have to go to the bathroom then I have to go. You can only hold it for so long and it needs to be sooner rather than later. Since we don't have control, we have to learn to trust God. He is our anchor. Some of us don't have a concept of trust because the person that was supposed to love, protect and care for us "dropped us" accidentally or intentionally.

 My thought life represent an internal struggle between fear and faith. Trusting God looks like this: My daughter has not called me back in an hour. I can assume she's busy and God is taking care of her. Fear says she's lying somewhere bleeding in a ditch, possibly in a coma...SILLY :)  but even sillier is that I have no peace until I hear from her. Trust means that because a friend doesn't return an email the same day that I rest knowing that I am always loved perfectly by my Father in heaven. Fear questions, "Why won't she email me back? Now, let me dissect our last conversation." If my day goes poorly then trust allows me to know that I am still loved and cherished. Fear implies that I am out of His will and need to work harder to "be good."

Does all this internal drama sound like child-like faith to you? or rest? It is distracting and steals a lot of my day and my peace. This is my life and these are my struggles but what area do you need to lay at His feet...and leave there? Your children, worry, making things happen in your own strength? If it's not faith, hope, or love then it's not God.

"Deuteronomy 1:29-33 I tried to relieve your fears: "Don't be terrified of them. God, your God, is leading the way; he's fighting for you. You saw with your own eyes what he did for you in Egypt; you saw what he did in the wilderness, how God, your God, carried you as a father carries his child, carried you the whole way until you arrived here. But now that you're here, you won't trust God, your God—this same God who goes ahead of you in your travels to scout out a place to pitch camp, a fire by night and a cloud by day to show you the way to go.   Those are God's words. Jennifer's interpretation, "I got you. I won't let you fall." Wayne Jacobsen's book "He Loves Me!" uses an example that he calls "Daisy Petal Christianity." We pick, petal by petal, saying "I got a raise. He loves me....I let my anger get the best of me. He loves me not!" We need a real and deep revelation of the Father's love to know that "He loves me all the way, all the time because that is what He is like." ~Graham Cooke.

He knows we're screwed up. If you read this and identify with it then don't allow the enemy to twist things. We can't change ourselves but Jesus can transform us! He died for you to feel His love. His great sacrifice on the cross still speaks over you saying "O what love. No greater love. Grace, how can it be? That in my sin, YES, EVEN THEN He shed His blood for me." (O The Blood by Gateway Worship) Ask Him to do it for you and I'm asking God to impart to us all a new, fresh and REAL revelation of the Father's love...His love might come through a smile from a stranger, a rainbow, your favorite song on the radio....so extend your faith and be looking for it!

1 John 3:1 How great is the love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are!

HE'S GOT YOU!


 A free download of Wayne Jacoben's book called "He Loves Me!" can be found by clicking on the first edition, free copy here: http://www.lifestream.org/waynes-books.php?bid=5 If you want to listen to a song that inspired the title then follow the link: www.youtube.com/watch?v=psIfrJ210Ds

Wednesday, July 20, 2011

Praying, Running and Giving


I decided to run my first half marathon on October 16, 2011, at the Nike Women's Marathon in San Francisco. I've dedicated my body to working towards my personal goal of completing a half marathon and I am raising funds to help find cures and better treatments for leukemia, lymphoma, Hodgkin’s disease and myeloma.

When I first signed up in May, it was through a series of divine events. I did not know of anyone personally who struggled with leukemia or lymphoma. I prayed and felt that I was supposed to move forward with joining the team and running the race. I'm not a natural runner but I know that if God is with me then what could ever stand against?

In July, a family member was diagnosed with lymphoma. I knew then that God had a plan all the while for me to run this race and that He was in control. It's with God's strength and for His glory that I run.

If you feel led, you can make a tax deductible donation on my website at : http://pages.teamintraining.org/ntxok/nikesf11/jweissh8fp

Tuesday, July 19, 2011

A Marathon Miracle-Learning to Endure


Do some prayers for miracles seem like they take a "marathon" amount of time to be answered? He's been teaching me about the miracle of a marathon. Think about it. A human being running 26.2 miles. In your mind, picture a city about 30 miles away and imagine running that entire distance on two legs with an engine, your heart, being the size of a fist that weighs in at less than a pound. We are truly beautifully and wonderfully made by Him. Amazing! What a miracle you are!

Most people can't walk out the door and complete a feat like running a marathon or even a half marathon. I'm learning as I train that there is a tremendous amount of blood, sweat and tears involved. I have had to endure. Most of my days are spent struggling through training but 90% of my struggle is showing up i.e. getting my butt out of bed. I'm still waiting for that runner's high that I haven't found. Each day I continue to keep my eye on the final goal and each day I do battle to accomplish the goal set before me. My body often aches and my knees hurt. I remind myself that in my weakness, He is strong. Sometimes I feel on top of the mountain and other times I feel as if I am crawling, literally, up a steep hill. I train, train, train and then I train some more. The more I run, the less I think about the pain and the more I think about the beauty of the outcome. Some trainings are mountain top experiences but most are not. It's a matter of putting one foot in front of the other, a monotonous grind, and continuing to press on into the unknown. Sounds like fun, huh? Sounds like life.

Sometimes we get the instant miracles or "rescuing" that we are requesting BUT, and I don't like it either, sometimes God says "Wait. Trust Me. I've got this." In a land where everything has a "now" availability, we simply don't know how to wait and not feel forsaken. Don't discount the "gift" of endurance that He wants to give you because, as I'm learning, you can smile and you can have joy. It IS a choice though.

Romans 5:3-5a More than that, we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit...

So, when your debts are overwhelming, when your child walks away from the faith, when your marriage is struggling and you've done all 'you' can do to make things better or the adoption falls through....Even when you feel like there is no hope, you can continue to wait and trust in His goodness. 1 Peter 5:7 Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you. Some days, you tell God you can't do it anymore. Don't give up or give in. Take the next step right in front of you. Then, you will see a tiny little ray of sunshine break through to a blazing sunrise full of His glory. As in the marathon, you continue to endure and when the final race day comes, you will cross the finish line Victorious. A marathon miracle but a miracle no less!

Here's a link to a song that I have been meditating on during this 'marathon' season called Sweetly Broken by Jeremy Riddle: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pBTIllv2j_I

Check out my page on a small part of the story behind the run: http://pages.teamintraining.org/ntxok/nikesf11/jweissh8fp

Sunday, July 3, 2011

BE-YOU-TIFUL


BE-YOU-TIFUL

Thank God for forgiveness and grace but I made an ass out of myself today at boot camp. GASP! Most of you that know me won’t be surprised by this regular occurrence. I feel comfortable using this phrase since I’m referring to myself and it is in the bible (scripture reference Numbers 22:28 And the LORD opened the mouth of the ass, and she said unto Balaam, What have I done unto thee, that thou hast smitten me these three times?) AND I like to uncover religious spirits-including my own :)



Let me start by saying boot camp activities are timed and recorded. As we progress, our times should ideally improve each session. Okay, I usually come in near last on these drills. Today, I had an opportunity to come in second. I was about 100 yards from the finish line and I saw a co-camper about 25 yards in front of me. It really isn’t a race but I couldn’t help myself. I thought, “I can do this. Last place? Not this time, Jennifer.” So I gave my final kick (that what runner’s call it when you are on the home stretch and you give it all you have or so I hear.) Well, she heard me coming behind her. How could she not? I was a huffin’ and puffin’, my feet pounding like a band of wild horses on her tail. She started to pick up the pace…..and I responded in kind. I was not only giving it all I had, I went into a primal warrior mode. It was like those National Geographic specials where the wild wildebeests that are slow get taken down by the pride of lions and eaten alive. Well, this girl was not getting taken down alive today.



As a good Christian woman I thought you were to be meek and mild. You know-let others go first, take the last seat, be demure, not exerting any sense of strength or power but today something within me snapped. I wanted to overcome. I wanted to conquer. I was not going to be stopped. Win or lose….it was on. I read this today, “Running is arguably the most individual sport there is. The mind is the motor that fuels the desire to continue and convince the body there is more to give. Teammates are more on the periphery.” It wasn’t about beating my sweet sister. I love soccer because it is a team sport and I’m all about the “T-E-A-M.” This was about breaking down a mental barrier of what the enemy had convinced me was a vice as a Godly woman. To be victorious! To conquer! To overcome! To exert power and strength-to run free and abandoned without fear of being too much. 1 Corinthians 9:26-27a “Therefore I run thus: not with uncertainty. Thus I fight: not as one who beats the air. 27 But I discipline my body and bring it into subjection…”


I am currently training to run a half marathon in San Francisco in October. It's important that I don't get all the way to San Francisco and realize that I haven't trained myself both physically AND mentally. Isn't life like a marathon? Our path is filled with hills and valleys. There are times we want to give up but we keep going and we learn to endure to the end no matter what we "feel." 2 Timothy 4:7 "I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith."


Thankfully, my sweet fellow camper was not offended by my sudden need to display strength. She said, “ I really appreciate you doing that. It makes me better.” Isn’t that awesome? We came in together-spurring each other on to greatness. I felt like God was cheering his girls on from the sidelines like a proud Father.

I understand there are a lot of people out of balance the other way-they have to win but this is my story of learning how to be who God created me to be. I pray that through this you feel freedom to be who He created YOU to BE which is BE-YOU-TIFUL. Not to be like someone else but to be unique, strong, resilient, determined and to finish the race strong!Don’t lay down. Rise up mighty warrior. You do have what it takes. Jesus has given you every thing you need for the victory! Romans 8:37 Yet in all these things we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us.





quote from "Runner-Cross Country and Track," by Kevin Lonnquist, Trophy Club Times, 29 June, 2011, sec. B pg 3.